| Author | Message | ||
| Susan |
Hi! I've been an ex-SDA for over 10 years. I'm a born again Christian and I'm trying to start a support/fellowship group for other ex-SDA's in our area. But my current dilema is of a personal nature. I hope someone out there can give me some encouragement/advice. My parents are still hard-core SDA's. I now have a child that I do not want influenced by their cult. How do I tell them to not share any of their beliefs with her. I don't want to offend them, but yet my concern for her is my 1st priority. I feel so strongly that SDA doctrines are harmful, destructive, and most importantly non-biblical! Since it is my duty as a christian parent to impart our biblical truths to our child, shouldn't I prevent any dangerous teachings from getting to her? I would really appreciate any help. | ||
| Praise999 |
I can appreciate the terrible conflict that you are in. How old is your daughter? And how much time does she spend with her grandparents? | ||
| Susan (Susan) |
To Praise 999 Thanks for your message. My daughter is 2 years old. She spends about 2-5 hours a week with them. I think I blew it today. I mentioned to my mom that we would appreciate it if they would not impose their doctrine on her. I also said that I didn't want them to share any SDA books or materials with her, only mainstream bible based stuff. My mom freaked! She started defending EGW comparing her with "inspired people" like Billy Graham or Max Lucado. Then she told me that even bible prophets made mistakes. Am I going crazy or is she so brainwashed she can't see the truth? What's up with these lines of defense. I'm not sure I can be an effective witness to this kind of insanity. I just kept defending the bible as the only holy authoratative book, that can be used to judge anyone's work. If even one statement from a proclaimed Prophet or inspired author goes against the bible (an evangelical approved version!) than their work should be discounted. Granted this is my opinion, but as her mother than that's what goes. Also, if someone claimed to be speaking for God and made even 1 false/unbiblical prophecy or statement wouldn't anyone with common sense be skeptical? Sorry to go on and on. I guess I'm just pretty shook up. I've never had any ex-SDA friends to talk to. This is such a great website. Thanks to all who make it possible. | ||
| Joni (Joni) |
Susan, My In-laws are SDA's. They give my son who is 10, stuff all the time, devotionals, mags. etc. I read his devotions to him and I keep them in the kitchen or get rid of some stuff. When I read to him I skip things and try to pre-read them. Some of the stuff is not good for him to hear, some is ok. If I read something that I don't agree with to him, I tell him I don't agree with it and why. We go to the Bible. They are really wonderful people, and don't realize, they have been SDA's forever. We love them very much. Timothy says don't argue over doctrines. 2Tim. 2:23-25, also in 1Tim. and Titus. I think family is important, no matter what they believe. I also know that as parents we need to kindly let them know this is our child, and we are raising them. Hopefully It can be done with out either side getting mad. If they do, well pray and forgive 70 x 70. I pray that I would be able to see them through Jesus eye's. God knows the heart and our true motives. Fear is there when someone leaves the "truth". They really are concerned. I know its hard at times but love covers a multitude of sins. (James.) I know how hard it was for me to break away, so I would not expect it to be easy for them. I tell my son, he's older than your's, that there are differences in beliefs in lots of different churches and that at this time even though we don't believe the same, we love. I will pray for you. It is hard what you are facing. Our children need to know Jesus Christ and Grace and what it means to be born again and that Jesus is our Savior. God Bless you, Joni | ||
| pastor harry |
Dear Susan, My heart reaches out to you....It's easy for us to sit on the "sidelines" and give advise, even though your're the only one that is in your situation. But if you wouldn't mind too much, I'd like to add a thought or two to the valuable thoughts that have been sent your way already. I have two younger children (4 and 9) that have been through more "religious confusion" during this past 2 years than most adults want to endure. From leaving the SDA Church where their parents were the pastors, to starting another church that still met on Saturday (Sabbath), to making a third change to a new church that meets on Sundays! And on top of all that, they had the death of an beloved older brother this past December to deal with also. And guess what?....Everybody has advise and "good intentions." Yet I know that they will receive the influence that lasts from us, their parents. The example of grace in action and the reinforcements of what the Gospel really is all about are what will survive and flourish intact. My wife Teresa and I are also "surrounded" by family that are all long time SDAs, but we have decided that the greatest witness of God's grace in Jesus to them will be how we respond to their often hurtful, but well intentioned, remarks and actions. You see Susan, God loves us all MORE than we can ever imagine, especially the "children." All that I can do is my part in consistantly and openly sharing what is good and right with them and LEAVE THE REST UP TO GOD. Sometimes it is soooooo difficult to let go of my "handles of control," not only in my own life, but in the lives of my children and those closest to me. There is a power in the Gospel (Rom. 1:16) that nothing else in this world can possess or equal....no, not even false SDA teaching. My oldest son grew up in my "pastor's Adventist home," and rebelled against a "god" that was all rules and religious culture. As he used to tell me, "Dad, it's all a fake!" But just three short weeks before His death, he responded to the wonder of the God of grace....Short exposure,yes,but a tremendous impact that will last into eternity....That's GRACE! I will remember to pray for you, your daughter, and your family....God is wonderfully good to us all and the promise of Jeremiah 33:3 is ever at hand...even for our children. In His grace always. | ||
| Lydell |
Pastor Harry, so sorry to hear about the death of your son. We, too, lost a daughter years ago, and can understand the terrible ache. But how incredibly wonderful to hear that your son is a child of God and you will see him again one day! What a precious thing to look forward to! I understand too well what your children have been through these past couple of years with the church confusion. And I know too that there have probably been times when you and your wife have asked yourselves how in the world your kids will come through this. Will we have them totally confused or what? Been there, done that one! Our sons went through the church battle with us. They saw the tears. They were there to hear the desperate prayers for His guidance when we met as a home church for 8 years. (And for any of you considering that course of action, I DO NOT recommend it!!) But you know, I believe our sons gained something very valuable through all of that. They learned that Christianity is not a sanitary, cut and dried, easy walk. They have seen first hands that sometimes even adult Christians aren't really sure what they should do and have to struggle some. And they have also seen how you go about finding God's direction. They have learned first hand the joy of discovering, and rediscovering precious Bible truth. They have found out first hand from our example that even "mature" Christians can trip over their own feet and crash. But they have also seen that God is faithful to keep on working with us, even when we make really stupid mistakes. And I think their experience through that is helping them now that they are old enough to be seeking God's guidance on what to do with their lives. (They are both committed believers! Praise God!) Susan, Joni gave most excellent advice when she told you about talking with her son and explaining the Bible truth. It is the best thing you can do. Always stay open to hear the error that is spouted by the grandparents within your child's hearing as he grows. And then take the first opportunity afterwards to make a comment about why they are wrong. If you are teaching the truth to your child all day everyday as a matter of your lifestyle, and living your walk, then you aren't necessarily going to need to be sitting down and giving them this big lecture about why the grandparents are wrong. It can be something as simple as, "it makes me so sad that Grandma doesn't understand that Christ has completely paid for her salvation and she doesn't have to keep worrying about every little thing she might accidentally do wrong." Never hesitate to point up the fact that the grandparents aren't just saying things that are wrong, but the problem is that the error is placing a heavy burden on them and dragging them down. If you make your home a haven of joy in the Lord, your child is definitely going to realize amd appreciate the difference as he grows. It's not for nothing that we are told in the word to teach the Word to our children when they rise up and when they lie down and when they walk by the way. God knows that it isn't the big lectures that are going to keep your child straight, it is the daily hearing of the truth that will do it. For that reason, you aren't going to have to worry so much about any error that Grandpa might feed him when he is with them. Yeah, you sure won't like it! but you are going to be surprised at the number of times stuff will just come out that was said and the opportunities you are going to have to set the record straight. God is on YOUR side and He wants your child to have the truth, after all. | ||
| Morgan (Morgan) |
I have two stepdaughters who live full-time with us but who have regular visitation with their mother who is a very conservative Adventist. During the past few years as we have been studying and moving out of the church we have been completely open with the girls. We've discussed our doubts, shared what we've learned, and read the Bible with them. We went through Colossians and Galatians--in fact, the whole New Testatment with them, explaining what we were learning every step of the way. They have been right with us through the whole process. The contrast between our home where we were discovering and embracing grace and their mom's home where life is gray and rigid seven days a week has been vivid to them. Sometimes they bring up subjects like grace or the Sabbath or EGW with her; she knows they no longer believe. She has the usual Adventist responses, but they don't convince the girls. When we decided to actually leave the church the girls were thrilled to be part of that. They no longer consider themselves to be Adventist, and even though they have to go to Adventist churches when they're with her and "observe" the Sabbath, they experience no confusion. They are Christians, and in their minds they have no confusion about the differences between Christianity and Adventism. They are now in an inter-denominational school (which their mom did not want, but they live with us!) and they are strong in their identity with Christ. All this is to say that the power of prayer and the power of grace and the Holy Spirit is stronger than the deception of Adventism. We cannot overstate how much we have prayed for our girls through all of this, and how we still pray for their spritiual protection when they go to their mom's. About the time we left the church we did decide not to leave the girls with my in-laws anymore. The reason was not because of their indoctrination; we were able to counteract that if it happened. The reason was that the in-laws became so angry that they were cold and emotionally withholding from the girls. We believed that was potentially damaging. God is so good! He leads us so gently, and he loves our children. | ||
| Susan (Susan) |
A Big "Thank You!" to all who wrote with words of encouragement and with promises for prayer. It is really a blessing to hear from all of you. JONI, I'm trying to work on having a loving attitude. It's not easy. I guess there is still a great deal of anger in me for the way I was brought up. So much hurt that I've never expressed. I agree we shouldn't argue over doctrine, but I feel this is a standard for when there is disagreement in the Christian body. I beleive that the SDA church is a cult, a church that preaches a different gospel. Gal. 1:6-10 speaks loudly to those who preach another gospel. Especially v.8 (condems them). So, I want to speak the TRUTH, but I am aware of the command to use love. If it were a matter of dissagreeing on the minors (infant baptism vs.believers, women in office, or drinking wine etc.)I would probablly back down on making an issue of things. But when a church corrupts the gospel and does not adhere to the core essentials of the Christian faith, I can NOT be silent. Even Jesus lost it on occassion. He didn't hesitate to speak out against those who would twist the scriptures and pervert the truth. Yes, he showed much love. But he was also a stumbling block (exposing sin) to cause people to see their need for a savior. I thank you for your loving reminders to use kindness and gentleness. I really need to work on those. But I can't back down on my convictions. I have seen to many lives destroyed by this church. I am just so thankful to God for His mercy on me! PASTOR HARRY, I wish to express my deepest sympathy for the loss of your son. What a comfort it must be that he chose to say yes to Jesus. Perhaps now you can have a bit of peace that he is in his real home with The Father. Thanks for all your kind words. The scripture refs. are a blessing. It is reassuring to know that we serve a mighty, soverign Lord who is in control and who has the victory! Praise God! And as believers, isn't it great to know that we can tap into that awesome power, by letting the Holy Spirit live in us? LYDELL, I really appreciate all your encouragement. I sometimes forget that as her parents we have the most influence on our daughter. Her homelife and the lessons she learns from us will make the biggest impression on her. A healthy, gracefilled home will be the best thing for her. I just worry that my mom will secretly try to brainwash her. Does that sound crazy? I just know how she operates and that she uses real subtle tactics to persuade. I guess I just have to hold on to the fact that God and His truth will always prevail. MORGAN, It sounds like your family is doing great in spite of the girl's mother. Your home must be a place of joy and stability for them. How wonderful that they can grow up in a bible- believing Christ-centered home. If only more kids could be so blessed. I can really understand some of the problems your family has or may encounter. I think I made reference to my "parents" in an earlier message. It's really my mom and step-father. (I just call them parents because it's easier) I didn't live with them much, but visited regularly and SDA damage was already done when I left to live with my dad (he isn't religious at all). So feel free to ask me about anything that may come up pertaining to blended families. There isn't much I haven't been through!(my dad married and divorced 2 more times while I lived with him) I'd be happy to lend an ear or give you my feelings on things. Thanks again to all of you. God really used you to help me with some of my recent difficulties. I will keep you all in my prayers. Your friend in Christ, Susan. | ||
| Morgan (Morgan) |
Susan, what a lot of hurt you must have experienced growing up with all that change and instability! Do you ever feel angry about it? I know our girls have had some deep anger and shame. Some good Christian counseling has helped a lot, but sometimes I wonder what may crop up when they completely grow up. How do you deal with so much abandonment? No wonder your parents' "brainwashing" is so difficult; it's rigid Adventism on top of not being there for you when you needed them! By the way, does it seem to any of you that there is an unusually high incidence of abuse--both emotional and sexual--in Adventism? |
