|Posted on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 9:09 am: || |
Allenette and Renie--I don't believe we said that sex wasn't a really important part of our marriage. Our answer was in response to leumaa who asked if anyone could prove that 95% of Christian marriages weren't about getting legal sex. The implication of the question was that non-Christians didn't have to worry about sex not being legal, but Christians are motivated to marry so they can indulge in what would otherwise be sin.
There are those of us for whom sex without deep respect and commitement is meaningless. Sex didn't drive me to the altar; I married Richard because a deeply loved, respected, and admired him. And it's impossible to separate those feeling from all the other responses in a marriage. Don't think that because a marriage is motivated by loyalty and love it's platonic! It's a chicken-and-egg thing: which comes first? For some of us, the meaning comes first. Marriage for sex might become meaningless. But marriage for meaning would not be sexless.
But I do agree with Allenette that SDA's often have problems with sex. My observations have convinced me that the uptightness and rigidity many SDA's exhibit is really a cover for being privately out-of-control. Externally they express piety and purity and other-worldliness. Privately, though, it's often a different story. A Christian pastor and entrepreneur that I know told me recently that when he was pastoring a fairly large church in California, a woman in his congregation came to him, confused. She had six Adventist young women in her weekly Bible study group, and all of the six were religious about never wearing earrings or appearing worldly. Privately, however, they were all "sleeping around." I told this man that the phenomenon was actually not uncommon in SDA circles. It seems to me that promiscuity and illicit sex is more common among Adventists than among the Christian population in general. Furthermore, it also seems to me that there is a lot of sexual abuse hidden in Adventist families. Adventists grow up thinking sex is slightly sinful, risky, and daring, and they often can't relax and enjoy it as a powerful gift in a true marriage. To them sex is associated with manipulation instead of love.
I had a student many years ago who had been severly abused in her ultra conservative, rigid Adventist family. She told me years later that she believed that SDA's who fanatically preach and practice vegetarianism and ascetic lifestyles are trying to cleanse themselves from their private unspeakable sins. Another friend of mine (no longer SDA) grew up in an Adventist pastor's family. She told me that her mother used to say, "Never trust anybody who won't eat cheese." I'm tempted to agree with them!
|Posted on Thursday, December 23, 1999 - 2:08 pm: || |
As an old, twice-married woman, who for many of her adult years believed that sexual fidelity in marriage was only possible for those with a reduced libido, I can testify that the most profound sexual healing can come within the boundaries of a committed marriage. It happened for me when natural physical attraction and natural love (desiring only the best for the other) had DIED. In their place God brought a fountain of his love giving a vitality and contentment, passion, and tenderness I never knew during the years I sought sexual fulfillment.
Sexuality is at the core of our being and God wants to redeem and heal it.
|Posted on Thursday, December 23, 1999 - 6:50 pm: || |
Well, Praise999, you have my sympathy. Too bad your libido seemed to need healing/fixing/killing.
But, if you soaked up EGW's crapola about human sexuality and believed it, I can see where you're coming from. OTOH, maybe you were just into a really crappy fundy LOVELESS relationship?
Meant friendly...Happy Xmas
|Posted on Wednesday, December 29, 1999 - 8:40 pm: || |
Hay Jude: what's this "new FICTION THE SDA'S CAN NEVER PUBLISH discussion?"
Colleen: from my observation, I'd say you nailed it right on the head.
|Jude the Obscure|
|Posted on Thursday, December 30, 1999 - 8:16 am: || |
Lynn, look on this website's Discussions list. -Jude