| Author | Message | ||
| Plain Patti |
Jude: Your grandmother was denying the inner reality that she didn't love herself, denying her ingrained feeling that her own parents didn't love her, and that therefore even God didn't love her, because of her own false feeling that she was unloveable. Patti: You know, I realized this as I got older. But I had to have my own children to realize how unfairly I had been treated as a child. I should have been a true basket case. My father left us when I was 6 and I never saw him again until I had two children of my own. With this desertion and my grandma's coldness, I had only my mother's affection. She did her best, raising us four by herself--my grandma would give her absolutely no help. Because Mom was raised by "Ellen," she was very needy emotionally. I have had a lot of resulting problems from lack of affection from my childhood. I found my most help from--of all places--Al-Anon. I knew my salvation was secure in Christ, but I needed some practical help in living on this earth. I have never had a chemical dependency problem, but I do have an emotional dependency problem. I realized that my grandma must have had severe problems also, as you said. She was the most fearful person I have ever known. I am not sure if SDAism makes a person fearful and suspicious, or if it is that type of personality that is attracted to SDAism. Or both. At any rate, my grandma found SDAism, coming out of the Baptist church. And she kept everything to the letter. She ate no dairy products or vegetable oils at all for the last 30 or 40 years of her life. Her strict vegetarian diet may actually have contributed to her Alzheimers. I sat there beside her bed when she was invalid and talked to her for hours when I was home. Discussing things with her--although she could neither hear nor understand me--that I would have never dared when she was healthy. I asked her why she was so fearful; why she couldn't believe that we loved her just for her the sake of her being ours. (She always thought we were after her "estate"--kinda sad, because it wasn't much at all.) Why she couldn't believe that she was accepted as a child of God. WHY? She read the Bible AVIDLY. She was such a serious student. Why could she not see the infinite grace of God in the Scriptures? I sat by her bed and cried for her, for her daughter who had never known her love and acceptance, and for myself. Such a waste of the marvelous gift of life! Fortunately, Mom and I have a very close relationship. Fortunately she saw her way out of the church along with me. She is very important to me--we bump thoughts off of each other constantly. I am so grateful to be living in God's grace. I feel very sad for my grandma who never seemed to have experienced it. I do not judge her. We do not know how long she had been having the little strokes that caused her dementia. She could have had the problem all her life... As for my father... Well that is another story. Perhaps it is best left untold. God bless! Thank you for putting up with my wordiness. Patti | ||
| Allenette |
I have mentioned it on here before, quite awhile ago, but if you want a very well-balanced, analysis of SDA, please try to find the book,"Seeking a Sanctuary, Seventh-day Adventism and the American Dream". It is available from Amazon.com andif you REALLY REALLYREALLY want to see SDA disected, this is the BEST there is, out there! As the SDA leadership sez: "trust me". You will see that the denomination is such a skewed mirror image of the American ideal, you might even get an insight as to the attraction still these days....and wHO it is attracting these days....how come the membership worldwide is now 90%+, non-white? Patti.....you are now sorta unmasked! But glad you put in the links.....(who is the stalker?) sounds so um....un-christian...surprise surprise. MaryAnn: thanks for your story. You reflect similarities that so many of us have. I personally hesitate to spill the beans because I have so many SDA friends/relatives who's feelings I STILL dont want to hurt, should they come across this website but you know what...the chances of them ever getting 'putered is so slim...its tempting....we'll see....... | ||
| Lynn W |
Jude, thanks, I didn't know that stuff about publishing. And - thanks. Patti, your grandma's story breaks my heart. I have an especially soft spot for grandmas. I sometimes wonder how many dear, sweet, little old ladies have gone to a Christless grave while serving some prophet/usurper - very likely my Mormon grandmother. | ||
| Maryann |
Hay, to all you poverty stricken Folk from the Vast Void called Texas and Vicinity, Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone! I was surprised at the "writing" compliments, thank you. My home schooling was more "book reading" than "book learning". Not having TV in the house as a kid was great (we rented one for a month when Nixon was impeached.) Mom had an iron grip on the OFF button. I got to watch ONE movie during the whole time. It was B/W with Valentino. Being raised so far out was wonderful. We had very little money, about $50 every month or two. We had a killer garden and gleaned alot of fruit from the valley (Marysville/Oroville). We canned several 1000 qts. of goodies every year. It was amazing how little money one can get by on. We heard about this house that was to be dozed in the mountains and found out a logging co. owned it. Mom visited the owner daily begging to rent it. After a week, this guy could not hold out any longer and said okay. Here were the terms for the 5 year lease; $10 (ten) a year for 2 years and $25 a month for the remaining 3 years!! It gets better. Mom paid the first $25 and then visited the owner and explained that she could not pay that much to which he said that he really didn't need the money and we could stay as long as we wanted. She paid a total of $35 for 15 years. It gets better! It was an 8 room house on 400 acres with fruit trees meadows and all the fire wood in the world and 200 ft. pines and firs right to the house! Beat that in Texas!! As is typical with cluttered up cultic doctrines, you have this gigantic void that has to fill when you leave. When I left home (to get out of "that" dress), I had a TV. It was a trip. I, for the first time saw John Wayne and Elvis. Really, I had never heard of these characters. Jude, you ever hear of "sofa sores"? That's like saddle sores! I sat in front of that TV day and night getting to know these screen people that everyone else knew. Also, to help fill the void were mafia novels, then card games. This is the big danger of doing a SDA rescue without the proper follow up. When one empties 80 books out of their heart, soul and mind it's so easy to fall hook, line and sinker for something else big and bulky like my mom did with TBN or just toss it all like me. What is rather funny (now) is that since I'm computer stupid I had an awfull time getting anything posted because I kept losing my writing! I lost 3!!! The first two were better than the last two. My computer kept freezing and/or going of line. Mom is so happy with her re-newed "enlightened" SDA faith. Here's a funny one. Mom, now that she finlly has the pure truth wanted to be Baptized again just to be sure it was done right.(8th or 9th time) I franticly hussled around gathering bombs to blow her out of the water so she would come to her senses. Nothing fazed her. Then she got sick and was in the hospital for 2 days and was extremely weak. This was the week she was to be Baptized! (She never is sick!) We joked that God made her sick to miss the Baptism! She set it up for 3 weeks later and guess what, the heater went out and the water was freezing cold! She was still to weak to chance getting sick again. The church repeatedly fixed the heater and it kept quitting. This went on for weeks! I told Mom that God works in misterious ways and He really was answering my prayer and telling her this was the wrong religion. She finally gave up on warm water and was Baptized in the cold water. It is late and I have to be at work at 6AM. I'm so thankfull to only working a day or two a week. Is it okay to write this kind of stuff on this forum? It seems a bit off the track. Resting in Christ...Maryann | ||
| Lynn W |
Not at all off track. I love it. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Maryann, You don't know the talent that you have. You are blessed of God with a great writing talent. And you are publishing your story right now on the Internet. Suggestion: Do your writing off-line using a word processing program. Then, when you have honed it to your satisfaction, export/import it from your word processing program (Control+A to "select all," Control+C to "copy," Control+V to "vomit" -- sorry for that crude term, but you'll remember it that way) to formeradventist.com. This way if you lose your post, you'll have backup in your word processing program. This also keeps your on-line processing time to a minimum. Plus you get to use your word processing program's more sophsticated helps, like spellcheck. Then, after you have published all of your "chapters" on the Internet, you can collect them all, revise them in your word processing program to your heart's content, print them all out, and submit them to a book publisher. God bless you all the time, Maryann, Jude | ||
| Lynn W |
"Actually there are three kinds of Arkansans..." Is it coincidence we've sent Hill & Billy from Arkansas to the Whitehouse? (It's OK y'all, I come from a hick family myself). |
