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Jude the Obscure
Posted on Friday, March 17, 2000 - 9:16 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

RETURN TO THE ARK OF SAFETY BEFORE IT IS FOREVER TOO LATE

by Jude the Obscure

Last night I dreamed I was sitting in a large SDA ìworkersí meeting.î In the large hall we were all seated around long tables. My old boss, Rudy Prichard (not his real name), was scurrying around like a woodchuck carrying a pile of manuscripts in his arms. He plunked one down on the table in front of me.

ìIf you can edit this,î he said, ìyou can have your old job back.î

I looked at the manuscript. It was handwritten in a horrible scrawl. I pulled out a pen and tried to start editing, but I couldnít even read the words. They didnít make any sense. It was like trying to read Venusian or Martian or Jupiterian or Saturnian.

Meanwhile people were making unintelligible speeches like, ìLet downer come the rainer, the mighty mighty latter, windy like a White William Ellen Miller or no cigar in the ark of safety ëfore it is forever late, too late, and isnít that just too too?î

And, ìThose who persist in wearing the hides of dead animals ñ and I mean leather shoes and leather belts and leather purses and leather gloves and leather hats and leather jackets especially suede, all right all right, all reet all reet ñ shall go forth from Godís people like a mighty wind to walk with them no more, but be blown away, and shall go out like light bulbs in the mighty latter hail stones like rocks on your billiard bald head, ball head, no hair, so there!î

Meanwhile Rudy had sneaked up behind me and began monotoning above my head in a seasickening voice, ìYou have to have eye surgery, my former friend and colleague, to improve your vision so you can read and edit the manuscripts once again. And ear surgery too, so you can make sense of the speeches. And then youíll be allowed to re-enter the ark of safety before it is forever too late.î

I was too stunned to reply. Then he pushed my head down, banging my forehead on the tabletop. ìWeíve got to put a blindfold over your eyes,î he says.

But just before they do, I glimpse the tray of surgical instruments ñ all surgical sharp stainless steel scalpel blades and no anesthesia. And no surgeon!

Only Rudy, and he hadn't even washed his hands or donned surgical gloves.

The last words I heard before I awoke with a start and a gasp were, ìWe have to tie your hands behind your back before surgery can begin.î

***********
Copyright 2000 by Jude the Obscure. You may export/import this story unchanged anywhere on the Internet or print it out unaltered for free distribution provided the byline and copyright notice are retained. This story is fiction, and any resemblence to any person, living or dead, is inadvertent and coincidental.
Allenette
Posted on Friday, March 17, 2000 - 8:54 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Jude: I think it was the chili con queso I was proudly serving to the heretics on the aToday forum. Have you checked it out? We were cybercooking it there for a man who told us we should stay in the kitchen and (somehow) stay barefoot and preggers, and obey our hubby's....LOLOLOL it was a peace offering.

You should "get out" more, cyberwise. I'm not gonna bother you all philosophically anymore (once did it for me)...glad to see someone jerked your chain and you got back in Biblical line. Have a happy. Still like you, too. :-)Too bad you dont do personal email...howcum?
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Saturday, March 18, 2000 - 10:02 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Allenette,

Thanks for being an all-American good sport. I admire your resilience and good humor.

Sorry, but sometimes I'm kinda dense, and this is one of those times: Your "chili peppers with cheese" metaphor just sailed right over my head. Do you mean "spicy"?

Yes, I've checked out the aToday forum, and, quite frankly, I MUCH prefer the formeradventist forum. For one thing, aToday's forum is closed, whereas formeradventist is open.

For another thing, aToday forumites (not closely related to dolomites, but may be to dustmites) seem more arrogant, touchy, preachy, closed-minded, cynical, egotistical, fragile, brittle, et cetera without end. Your example of the man who wants, and apparently needs, to keep women barefoot, pregnant and kookin' in the kitchen is a perfect example.

Reminds me of macho man John Wayne, may his soul sleep in peace, who is reputed to have said, "Ah don't give no [darn] 'bout no women's lib, long's she's got dinner on the table when ya git home!" How many wives did he have, I wonder.

No-lie-hope-to-die sorry I can't answer your e-mail question.

Blessin' ya,

Jude
Denisegilmore
Posted on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 7:16 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

About a week ago I had the strangest dream and it was one like I've never had.
I was in a room, a big room with one long table in it, a coffee pot and a restroom.
There were all these hot shots from General Conference there along with some pastors and some women that were part of the General Conference team. The men all had suits and ties on. For whatever reason, they were having a very serious meeting and I was at the table with them. They however, were not aware of me being there and I simply observed. The meeting ended after a lengthy spell and everyone rose from the table, each going their prospective ways within this office.
I was still sitting at the table when the GC president stood up. He had been seated across from me. He dropped a piece of paper and loudly exclaimed "Shi*!". Within a milisecond a man standing next to the coffee pot, took a drink of his coffee and yelled "This shi*! tastes like shi*!". Not more than a second after that a woman dressed to the nines, standing near the restroom, was looking at the amount of paperwork in her hands and exclaimed rather hysterically "I hate this shi*!".
As you can imagine, I was a bit taken back by their language but continued to observe. Then they all started joking with each other about how they are only human and they have their weaknessess too. In the dream I felt as though I had just witnessed what really goes on behind the scenes.
Next we are all at an outside pool. I am seated at a table observing again. They all strip off their clothes and much to my surprise there are people from the congregations there too! Everyone naked and I see their nakedness. They jump in the pool laughing and just as they jump I notice that someone with them is someone I know cannot swim and will drown. I panic thinking she'll drown and wake up sitting straight up in bed yelling "shi*!"

My cat jumped with a startle and I sat there thinking about this strange dream.
I hesitated posting a dream but in view of circumstances that have occurred since, I had to. This dream was before I was told about meetings or knew of anything taking place in those lines so it could not be from that.

While I am not one to talk about my dreams, if I have any, this one is the first one where I wasn't participating somehow in it. Instead, they didn't know of my being there nor was I a part of this.

God Bless,
Denise

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