| Author | Message | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Yíall, Iíve been thinking about something or a couple days. My learned friends, contemplate. I just simply think ;-) From a conversation with one of our FAF friends that I consider a ìboldî person in Christ, yet very kind, gentle and fragile of themself, I came up with the following....... As a kid that really loved singing hymns, I would always look at the authorís and composerís names and what and when their life span was. Some of the names that really drew me were Charles Wesley, Isaac Watts, Phillip Bliss and Fanny Crosby. They wrote and or composed so many songs that I got interested in their lives. Fanny Crosby is the one that seems to grabbing me right now. Fanny had a godly Gramma who took time with her in ways that some of us would envy. Since Fanny was blind, her Gramma would walk with her in the woods and gardens, teaching her in minute detail about every plant, tree and flower. She would help her identify things by feel and smell. Flowers were a favorite of hers. Gramma would tell her in word pictures describing the clouds in the sky, many sunsets and the stars. Fannyís Gramma also told and read many, many Bible stories to her. As with so many handicapped people, Fanny had a very well developed talent, and that was her memory. She had every nook and corner of her brain just filled with unseen words. Many poems, much literature and of course the Bible of which she had ìbooksî committed to memory. When she was 8 years old she wrote her first poem: Oh what a happy soul am I! Although I cannot see, I am resolved that in this world Contented I will be. How many blessings I enjoy That other people donít: To weep and sigh because Iím blind I cannot, and wonít. Wow, that from a blind little girl that was 8 years old! Being blind must be difficult. I can hardly imagine that. God, in his well thought out ìplanî knew what she would have been as a ìseeingî person and as a blind person. He allowed a bad thing to turn into a good thing. ìGood thingî is actually a bit watered down as Fanny wrote some 6,000 hymns! Thatís a great and awesome thing. During her nearly 85 years that God allowed her to grace this earth, she was a bright spot that never dimmed. She never saw light, yet she was a light that brought many to see the saving grace of Jesus. It is VERY interesting to me that Fanny and EGW lived in parallel times, almost to the very years. It is interesting to think of the impact that each had on this world. One was physically blind and the other spiritually blind. The one that was physically blind brought untold blessings and joy though her musical ministry. The other that was spiritually blind brought untold bondage and sorrow through her prophecy un-ministry. It is particularly interesting to see which one was resting in the assurance of the saving grace of Jesus. Simply reading Fannyís hymns are bondage breakers. Letís just listen to some of her messages. Messages that were planted by her Gramma as a child and watered by the Holy Spirit the rest of her life. Reminisce with me. We all know these songs of hers: To God be the glory, great things He hath done; So loved He the world that He gave us His son, Who yielded His life in atonement for sin, And opened the life gate that all may go in. (Notice that she said, SIN, singular and ALL may go in? This gal understood salvation!) All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who throí life has been my guide? Hevínly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him I dwell! For I know what eíer befall me; Jesus doeth all things well. (Listen to her faith and security!) Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchased of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His Blood. (What faith and security!) Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it! Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb; Redeemed throí His infinite mercy, His child, and forever I am. (This is one of my favorites. Listen to the freedom in Christ rather that the bondage we were raised under! And WE, every one on us, sang these songs and we were to blind to see!) A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, A wonderful Savior to me; He hideth my soul in the cleft of the Rock, Where rivers of pleasure I see. Chorus: He hideth my soul in the cleft of the Rock That shadows a dry, thirsty land; He hideth my life in the depth of His love, And covers me there with His hand, And covers me there with His hand. (So there you have the gospel, cemented with the comfort of a Rock solid Savior. Also, this song reminds me of a special friend.) Sorry, Iím almost straying away from my whole point. If we can draw on the strength of Fanny Crosby, knowing that she was physically blind and allowed God to make it good; canít we allow God to make our spiritual blindness, pain and suffering of 26 years, 15 years, 59 years, 18 years, 45 years to be good also? Come on guys.....God planned it! I realize the name of this new thread is a bit puzzling? Soooo, hereís the explanation of it. Letís make this a healing thread. No matter who you are, what Church or no-Church you have been in or are in, take something that was bad, un-happy, unfortunate, mean, horrible, despicable on purpose or not and replace it with an appropriate blessing. In other words, BURY it. Grow from it. And resurrect something that Jesus, in His infinite wisdom replaced it with. It might take some LOOKING to see past some of our past, to SEE a blessing! Since I brought it up, Iíll go first......But it will be next post:-) Onward and upward Maryann | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Guys, I will share a painful ìthingî that I really hadnít put into place till I wrote it out to someone the other day. This is my very strong impression of why this happened. This doesnít mean it is a fact! I remember as a kid and a teenager that there were certain things that we didnít do, plans left in the plan stage, formal education not received, fruit trees not planted etc., because there was no point. Why was there no point? Well, Jesus was coming so soon that the trees would never have a chance to bear fruit. Why be exposed to the filth in a formal education when Jesus would appear before I needed it? (This, BTW, is another example of the fallout from the ìsignsî are here, Jesus is closer to returning that ever before! Of course, today is closer than yesterday! Thatís why Iím ready today and NOT tomorrow!) When I was 3 years old, I could sing and carry a tune. I could get a bit of a tune out of a piano. I always wanted to play the piano. I always felt that the reason that we didnít get a piano and get lessons for me was because it was pointless as Jesus was just around the corner and I would soon have a harp in my hands! Whenever we had our Sabbath singing, I would always be close to the piano so I could watch the fingers fly. But, we never had a piano when I was young. How I wanted to just sit down and let all the pent up music come out. (Colleen, you understand.) I could always play by ear. I knew a lot of chords and could make a piano or organ sound okay. But it just wasnít enough for me. I wanted to PLAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Grrrrrr! When I was 15, we got an organ and I took some lessons for a short time. It was to late. The teacher fired me! I just could not get past the timing because if I heard a song I could play it immediately. She did not know how to teach me. I have been frustrated by this NEED to express myself now for years and years and years. When Iím around musicians, I just thrill. I get goose bumps. Remember the, I think, downs syndrome boy that can play all those complicated classical pieces? Well, Iíve dreamed many, many times of just doing that. Iíve even prayed that I could sit at the piano I have now and just once, for one day, play like Iíve dreamed of. This is very painful to me and something that I feel that I was deprived of, all in the name of; Jesus is coming right around the corner theology. Well, hereís to burying that resentment and pain in the GRAVEYARD! Letís see what God is RESURRECTING out of that graveyard for me? Thanks to so many of you guys in FAFland, Iím now unloading that pent up expression in writing here. And as long as Yíall will put up with me, Iíll continue to unload all this pent up expression. As a comment. . . If any of you want to bury something in this graveyard and itís to personal or private, JUST abbreviate it so only you know what it is, okay? But really, try to write out what God is resurrecting for you. I for one would love to hear it. Just like great memories of the past, I fully believe each and every one of us has a graveyard to resurrection story. Onward and upward, Maryann | ||
| BMorgan |
Maryann, Thank you for your love. You know how obedient you have been to the Lord. No arm twisting, but your firm grip is hard to get away from. I know you are coaxing me. You even got in the cave with me. You want me to bury the corpse, before it stinks. Nearly 12 years ago, when I was pregnant with our second child. My husband and I were excited and prayed constantly for this child whose birth we planned to the enth degree. It was a happy pregnancy and I enjoyed every movement inutereo. Thanksgiving eve, I was just in a happy- go-lucky mood. I was going to have a sonogram to let us know the exact date of the baby's birth. As it turned out, the fetal maternal specialist, discovered that the baby had a serious birth defect. He would not discuss the details with me. Fortunately, for me about three months into the pregnancy, We decided to use a nurse midwife instead of the doctor for delivery. This proved to be a divine intervention. I went straight to my midewife, who was waiting for me since the doctor alerted her about the situation. I was a controlled mess until I reached her office. The details-- 1. It was not my fault. 2. I did not to bring this on. 3. The baby was anacephalic, 4. Those births are incompatable to life. I breathed a sigh of relief and said "Good!" All the while thinking, "Well, at least the baby would not suffer in this life." Still in shock, and near collapse,I began screaming, "Are you telling me we are not going to have a baby? What am I going to do? Have I been pregnant nine months for nothing? Maybe the doctor made a mistake. What will I say to my friends who are waiting to see the baby?" Needless to say, it was real. The hurt and pain was so bad I thought I would never laugh from the heart again. I was made even more sad everytime I would hear some pastor expounding that God gives back to us according to our giving to Him(tithe). My concept of God began to change. I think that was the beginning of my battle for spiritual life and survival. I was a good sda. I was scared for I was told it would be groteque looking. God is merciful and gracious. The baby was a "healthy", "handsome looking", baby boy, We covered his head to make him look perfect. He made one gurgling sound at birth that I can still identify. We took him home two hours after being born. He lived for ten hours then expired. Even to the end, God was gracious. I dozed off just before he took his last breath. God knew it was unbearable. (Maryann, this is where I see God using you to apply a layer of the healing salve to my spiritual wound. Yes, it hurts badly. The sda baby I was pregnant with and carried for 26 years has an anomaly and cannot live.) We had to take our dead baby to the morgue, Heexpired. He was lifeless. I had to give him up, to dispose of the body. It was TOO hard. I clung to that lifeless child. I screamed at my husband who was coaxing me to give up the body. For months, I ached deep in my soul. My arms were empty and I was angry. Well meaning but misguided friends, would loving say, "After all, it was just a baby. Well, you already have a child. Oh, God probably knew he would have been a bad boy." Exactly eighteen months later, I gave birth to another little boy. This time he had a WHOLE head. Today, I can look at it as another chapter in my life and feel no sadness at all. I have been able to comfort many people in a way I would never t have been able to had I not had that experience. I can really say, God gave us that child, for a f ew precious hours, and we are thankful. Also because I have stepped out of adventist theology I can say he has gone ahead of us. As I look back I can see it was at that time God I began flashing rays of light on my soul. Even though I continued to walk in SDA darkness, He made the crack which allowed light from his throne to penetrate into my soul. For He who commanded light to shine out off darkness, is again shining it in my soul today (14 years later). May the darkness of sda night be exchanged for a sword of truth, that will defeat everything that sets itself up against the knowledge of God. We prayed for, and God gave to us a beautiful child incompatible to life (He is sovereign), and we had to bury him. In the same way, today, I am handing over the corpse to my Father/husband/God. I will let Him bury anything I am holding that is incompatible to my spiritual life/growth. Thanks for praying for me BMorgan | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Morgan, You accomplished the impossible. You have left me SPEECHLESS. (at least till tomorrow;-) Wow! Praise God! A speechless.....Maryann | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Morgan, (You ARE God's Fairchild!) Iím astounded! Actually, Iím quite sure there are a few others that are too! Even the totally theological, no nonsense Bill Twisse budged a bit. Iím sure that your testimony will help to free an untold number of people. One thing that Iím sure of, is the first thing that will happen after you are welcomed home by Jesus and given your crown with MANY jewels in it, you WILL put your arms out to receive that little boy. He will be just as ìhandsome lookingî as you remember, only WHOLE. What a thing to live for! What a thing to look forward to! You said that someone told you: ìOh, God probably knew he would have been a bad boy." Iím sorry, but I still have some overcoming in a lot of areas, and if I ever met that person, they WOULD be telling Santa Claus ìAll I want for Christmas are my new front teethî!! This morning, while I was still suffering from speechlessness and was pouting about burying my own musical pain, a song that I probably hadnít thought of in years came to mind. I went to the piano and played it in my own ìplay by ear wayî fashion and thought of you. It was: When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Thoí Satan should buffet, thoí trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. My sin oh, the bliss of this glorious thoít: My sin not in part, but the whole Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll, The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul. (At this point, all Iím wondering is where were our heads when we were singing these great hymns?) You said: ìThe hurt and pain was so bad I thought I would never laugh from the heart again.î Then: ìToday, I can look at it as another chapter in my life and feel no sadness at all. I have been able to comfort many people in a way I would never have been able to had I not had that experience.î In the same way you were able to bury YOUR baby and be able to give comfort to others that also lost a child, you will be able to give comfort to others coming out of SDAism now that you buried YOUR 26 years! You said: ìThe SDA baby I was pregnant with and carried for 26 years has an anomaly and cannot live.î Of course you will mourn it, just like your baby. That will, in time pass too. Just know that your bold and powerful testimony will touch many! Ah shucks, it touched me ;-) Onward and upward, Maryann | ||
| Colleentinker |
Morgan, what an amazing story. What a painful thing to remember! And what an wonderful metaphor. Losing Adventism is like losing a life. I'm so thankful that God heals our wounds and restores the years the locusts ate. Colleen | ||
| sherry |
Morgan, thank you for sharing your story. I'm sitting here just crying. Our children are so precious...God bless you! And again thank you for sharing. | ||
| sherry |
Maryann, thank you for sharing the music of Fanny Crosby. Oh how inspired she was. I love those songs you shared too. I was just thinking of that yesterday - how I had been so blessed by musical ministries and how I couldn't think of a single one of them being Adventist that had given music that genuinely blessed my heart. Martin Luther's "A Mighty Fortress is our God" is one of my most favorites! You are right. God had his plan and His hand in our being here. Perhaps our rich heritage of learning the OT so well helps us understand so much more about Jesus' ministry. I know it does me. I do wish my parents had really listened to my grandfather more. He had prayed regularly that we would find Christ, and then my folks did and joined the sda church - he was happy we did find God, but so disappointed that we were a part of that church. He would try to share texts, but to no avail. Anyhow. Thank you. | ||
| Pat Darnell |
Dear, dear Morgan! What an experience! And what a God Who can pull you through it! The loss of a child has to be the most excruciating loss of all. I still tear up at the loss of my father, some 40 years ago! He was the light and joy of our lives...what a guy! But to lose a child! Thank God, I have not experienced that, and only He knows how I would handle it. Do you ladies know the story behind "It is well with my soul?" I'm sure you do - but just in case, and briefly: a husband and father put his wife and daughters on a ship for England, and there was a shipwreck. The daughters were lost. He went back to the site to drop a wreath, and wrote this song: "It is well with my soul." I salute your faith, and the God in Whom you faith rests! Pat | ||
| Cindy |
BMorgan, Yes, thank-you! for telling your story. I read it back at the time you first posted it, but then, I was just a silent observer here! I just re-read it again and wanted to respond. I am so glad you have been able see God's presence with you despite the horribleness of losing your child. Your testimony has been a definite blessing to me! And Pat, yes that song "It is Well With My Soul" is really amazing considering the circumstances it was written under. I pray that I will recognize God's presence with me no matter what the external circumstances may be... Under Grace always, Cindy | ||
| BMorgan |
Pat and Cindy, Thank you for your words of comfort. God keeps showing himself to me when I think He is not there. Today I was feeling pretty low in spirit. On Saturday evening, an adventist friend from my birthplace just happened to call me from N.Y. She is not too happy that I declared "I Am Sda No More" She said I was being self righteous to think I should leave the church. Later in the conversation, she said it was my fault that I did have problems, since I followed church principles to closely (Being vegetarian). I am wrong to blame the church for any false teaching. I should use my brain and not allow anyone (EGW) to dictate what I did. I would be in better shape today had I done that,she said. By the way, she is still SDA, has no problem with Sis White, and will do as she pleases. (She would not partake in: make up, jewelry,wine or setting her feet in church on a Sunday). Is this called major dissonance or just being adventist in good and regular standing? I needed to remember my baby with the anomaly. It was not my fault. Pat, Back in February or March, I read your book on the internet. I was blessed. Cindy, I appreciate your enthusiam and excitement enjoyment of scripture. Soon, my story will be posted on this site. Bless Colleen! She invited me to share my story, walked me through the steps, prayed with and for me and family, and has been patient with me until I was ready. I appreciate Richard for the silent but powerful influence he has on this website. I find this site to be an invaluable resource/Support group. Here, people are accepted, validated, counselled, affirmed and encouraged. Those of us outside of South Ca. can have something too. The church I attend, is grace based and Bible centered. There I find some godly, humble, sensitive people. However, it is here I learn and unlearn things. You speak to my heart and hurts like no other christian can. You understand my doubts and fears and you comfort with the same comfort Christ has given you. Even the debates have their place here too. I am amazed at how confident and articulate so many of you guys are. Patti, thanks for sticking around. Jude, no. Max, I love you dearly. I am glad God led me here when he did. There were fewer posts and topics so I could go back and reread all without feeling overwhelmed. I thank God for you wonderful people and praise Him for the way He uses each one of you. As Colleen told me-"He tailor makes our individual walk." BMorgan | ||
| Max |
Thank you, BMorgan! I love you too, God knows. Also Patti. Did you know that within the last two weeks the number of "hits" on this website has climbed from 13,000 to 15,000 per week? Are we gaining on aToday or what? Jude = Max |
