| Author | Message | ||
| Susan (Susan) |
Morgan, How old are the girls? This can make a difference in things. The teen years were really difficult for me. My parents divorced when I was 11 and I moved in with my dad at 14. He's not religious at all, (burned by my mom's Adventism and was brought up as a Mormon by my grandma, no wonder he hasn't wanted anything to do with religion!)so I literally went wild. It was so great to do all the things I had wanted to do my entire life. I had always asked my mom to show me in the bible why I couldn't do the things I wanted to,(jewelery,dancing,movies,eat meat etc.)and she could never give me a valid or logical explanation from scripture. So I really felt free for the first time. But I also started to drink and party quite a bit. Of course that led to many other wrong lifestyle choices and of course the Adventist guilt was eating away at me. After 10 years of "living it up" I finally cried out to God one night to just take over. I tried several churches but was rather confused. Then God loving placed a great guy in my path. We became friends, started dating (he even asked me to attend church with him! First time a guy had ever done that!) and eventually we got married. Don't we serve an awesome God! Anyway, He went to a normal, evangelical church and he's from a great christian family. It's been such a blessing to me, to be surrounded by sincere, bible believing Christians, as I've been growing in my walk. I still strugle with anger and resentment. I can't understand how my mom could've been so deceived. She relaxed a bit but is still devoted to the church and their doctrines. I think it would've been a great help to me to have an older adult mentor. Someone I could connect with, and really talk to. My parents were/are very self-absorbed. They listen, but never really hear me. I think listening is really a lost art in our culture. The best thing for your girls is to feel secure and connected. This should not stop when they are teenagers. It's wonderful to be their friend but they also long for structure and appropriate boundaries. It would be great also, to let them know how concerned you and their father are, about their relationships with God. Let them know everyday that you love them and are praying for them. I'm sure you guys do most of this already. Just thought I'd let you know what would've made a difference for me. Maybe if I would've had some of this in my life I could've avoided much heartache. But God is good. Even when His children are lost for a while He doesn't give up.Thank goodness! I actually managed to get through college. I have a very normal married life, 1 kid ,1 dog etc. Most people I know would never guess what my past was like. You sound like such a wonderful loving step-mom. The girls are really lucky to have you in their lives. I've often wondered about Adventists and "sex issues".It's a given that their into emotional abuse, they always have been. When I was about 11 the father of some school mates of mine wanted to be baptized in the church. He couldn't quit smoking so he wasn't baptized (there may be more details, I'm just telling it like I remember). Anyway, he soon shot himself in the head. I heard it was because he was so devestated about being a lost soul. I also have many family members who are so messed up by their Adventist upbring. My brother and one cousin are atheists and another cousin is into wicka. My grandfather left the church and became a big time alcoholic (I'm 4th generation). This is just a sampling of what emotional abuse can lead to. My parents and the minister's family (before they divorced) were best friends. Then the minister's wife started sleeping around. I know of 2 church members who she was involved with, one was my father. This left my mom and the minister rather devastated. So they had an intimate relationship with each other that lasted some time. (I actually listened in on a phone conversation with my mom and the minister, they told each other how much they were in love etc. you can imagine what this did to an 11 year old!) And through the years I've heard of so many affairs and divorces occurring in my mom's church. It seems to be much more than any other church (non-Adventist) I've been to. I don't know if this is what you were refering to by emotional and sexual abuse. I would love to hear what others think about it. Does there seem to be a higher rate of affairs and divorce in the Adventist denomination? I've gone on long enough. I'm an at-home mom and I don't get out much and I've never had former Adventists to talk to. I feel so blessed to be able to communicate with all of you. Thanks for being there! Love, Susan | ||
| Morgan (Morgan) |
Susan, what painful experiences you went through. I'm glad God brought you a wonderful husband and daughter. I certainly have seen an awfully high occurence of sexual misconduct in the church. It seems to me that the misconduct includes quite a bit of child abuse, too. I'm so glad for this forum and that you've found it! | ||
| jtree |
To former SDA, I wish you can join my discussion on my club with present day SDA. I'm under their legalistical attack, as I'm sure you fine people are as well. I don't mean to drag you into my conflict, but I'm under heavy persecution. I give you my website URL to my club, please join in this combat against Satan. http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/falsereligionexpositor I have sent request to some of you, by invitation to my club. thank you And God Bless you. | ||
| BRUCE H |
Dear jtree I checked out your web site let me give you some advise about Adventist. You can argue with Adventist about the law untill you are blue in the face, but Paul says in 1 Cor 1:17 "For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect." Also the book of Titus 3:9 says "But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the Law; for they are unprofitable and useless. You will find that most Adventist do not walk by faith. In the Adventist Theological Review they polled Adventist college students and acked them, if you died today would you be saved, over 50 percent said they did not know, yet in the same pole over 80 percent said they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I know you can see the problem with this. Most Adventist dont understand the Gospel and do not understand what it means to be Born Again. They do not understand that if you doubt your salavtion this is not faith and without faith you cannot be Born Again. Ephesians 6:15 "For in Christ neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but a new creation. Adventist do not know what it means to be a new creation because they are under the curse of the law. Try asking them about what the Gospel is. The New Covenant, The sealing of the Holy Spirit, what is being Born Again, what is a new creation, What does LUKE 5:36-39 means (remember this is a parable). My prayers will be with you and I Hope that I will be abel to get on the web with you, I have been having a hard time. | ||
| J. Alan Nash [Pastor] |
Bruce H wrote, "You can argue with Adventists about the law until you are blue in the face..." This declaration in itself speaks volumes. For many sda there exists a euphoric delight in arguing about things Biblical. However, large segments of arguments spoken in times past are now, discarded theology quietly buried. From personal experience I am concluding how Adventism is committed to never acknowledging its mistakes - doctrinal, administrative or in its glaring deficiency called, LACK OF LOVE ! In part sda never acknowledging its mistakes has evolved from an iron-clad belief in its special election as God's chosen for the last days. It's a mind set which explains the members dedication to their organization despite its glaring deficiences, inconsistencies and its prevailing, LACK OF LOVE. Many sda congregations cling to a loveless, triumphalism which exudes a cooling presence aptly diagnosed as 'we [the chosen] versus them [the nominal churches.] Observations similar to this are currently being published on numerous web sites. However, the 'faithful' although shaken, will return to their 'first love' and re-affirm their loyalty to the organization. Hence, my personal challenge, here shared with you other readers, "how do we arouse the complacent in their 'comfortable pew' until they realize their plight and open their closed minds to gospel enlightenment." | ||
| Lydell |
Alan, welcome to the forum. Seems to me tho that you shouldn't say you are a "trashed pastor" but instead one whom the Lord has set free from the bondage of legalism to walk in His freedom. I'm sure He isn't done with you yet! Your task now is to open up to His leading to a REAL church body for fellowship. Life "out here" is so much more rich and full and joyful than life was in the SDA church! Our church had a "break out" service last night. It was just an evening of praise and worship with no set agenda. People seemed of one mind to just celebrate their savior. And I think the ceiling was vibrating with the sounds of praise. And several last night were able to lay down burdens they have carried for years. Best of all, one guy accepted Christ too. Couldn't help but stop during one of the songs and stand for awhile chuckling to myself about how those of "the true church" would stand and cluck their tongues in dismay at such a "wicked" display of emotion. Especially when I listened to our son and my (former sda) friends son leading in worship. And watching my black friend (recently discovered she is also former sda) in front of me waving her arms joyously in praise to her king. Gee, in our sda church, they wouldn't have even let her in the door. Yep, tears of joy! For those of you who are still dealing with the hurt of what you have been through, I DO understand your pain. But, you are on the road of deliverance and you should rejoice in that. God has a beautiful plan for you and He is going to restore your joy in Him. As for how to reach those who are complacent in their pews. Couldn't say. Some on another site have suggested that they simply are not going to wake up until they begin to see just one of the many errors in the writings of "sister white". And maybe that is true. You have to put a chink in the armor first maybe, before they will listen. The Internet is proving to be a powerful tool with its sites like this one. So many people "stumble" on one of these sites, it's just amazing. You really can't get light in there while you are in the church....at least not in our experience. But the church has no way to shut up those of us who are on the Internet. Just think of how great this is: someone "stumbles" on a site and reads something that really ticks them off, they go to church and talk about something the "idiot on the Internet said" and whamo! the seed gets planted in the listeners head as well. I love it! At any rate, it ALL comes down to it being a work that the Holy Spirit has to be in charge of. You plant the seeds, and with some it may take years before that seed germinates. I just have to look back at how long it took us to finally "get it" that there was something seriously smelly about the whole denomination and its total lack of love. | ||
| Colleentinker |
Yes, Alan, Lydell is right: God is leading you to a whole new life of freedom! It really does take several years to recover from the deep hold of Adventism. But the grace of Jesus is more powerful than the hurt and bitterness the church leaves in its wake. God will lead you step by step as you let him, and he will heal all the hurtsógradually. He really does give life more abundantly! Welcom to the forum. We are praying for you! Colleen |
