| Author | Message | ||
| Shephil222 |
Hello all, My name is Rushelle. It's been quite a long time since I've been here last. A very long time, so I wouldn't expect for anyone to remember me. Anyway, I am writting you because me and my family have been out of the evil dormicile (sp) for like a year. And every so often, when I learn the truth (and it's just the same with my family) and grow closer to Christ, I seem to get soooo angry I could scream. It just makes me mad because of how contaminated we were and hating to say it we fight to distinguish truth from error. Everynow and then we have the tendancy as we talk about the word to say something that was an adventist doctrine. Then later realize that what we said was yet another false statement. The other day I cried terribly because a good percentage of my life as well as my sister's was taken away. I can only think sometimes of what my life as well as my family's would have been like, the things we could have accomplished if we hadn't of chosen to be in SDAism. Boy when you leave that mess you are all messed up. You have to go through all these emotional changes as well as mental with the Lord's help to make things right. Well That's all for me. Does anyone mind sharing their feelings on this. I know many of you have experienced the same thing my family has. Yours Truely Rushelle and Family | ||
| Sammi |
Hi Rushelle, I can certainly relate to your post. I'm just beginning the process of leaving Adventism, and it is, as you say, a process full of emotional and mental confusion, fear, anger, etc. As I am often reminded, these things are NOT from God, cannot be from Him. I guess we have to learn to trust our intellect, nor our feelings. That's the only way I'm getting through this scary time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, Rushelle. I also encourage you to stay active on this forum. For me it has been an incredible source of encouragement and support. With Love and Prayers, Sammi | ||
| Andrew_adams |
Rushelle and family, please do not feel bad about what you and your family are going through, just remember that the Lord has saved you and yours from the gates of hell. Just think, all churches on this earth are in the same condition, the leaders are telling lies to the people. All of God's people will hear his voice and respond. When I first found the truth about SDA teaching I was suprised, up-set, mad, then I thought, why did God lead me into the SDA church, and then after 40 years, this. The Spirit opened my eyes to see that He was saving me, so why should I be mad, be glad, I mean be as happy as you can God loves you and has saved you and your family. Preise the Lord Andrew | ||
| Andrew_adams |
Rushelle and family, please do not feel bad about what you and your family are going through, just remember that the Lord has saved you and yours from the gates of hell. Just think, all churches on this earth are in the same condition, the leaders are telling lies to the people. All of God's people will hear his voice and respond. When I first found the truth about SDA teaching I was surprised, up-set, mad, then I thought, why did God lead me into the SDA church, and then after 40 years, this. The Spirit opened my eyes to see that He was saving me, so why should I be mad, be glad, I mean be as happy as you can God loves you and has saved you and your family. Praise the Lord Andrew | ||
| Andrew_adams |
Corrected spelling. | ||
| Colleentinker |
Rushelle, I will pray for you and your family, too. What you are feeling is normal, but that doesn't make it less intense! The wonderful thing is that we can trust the Bible through this difficult time, and the Holy Spirit will confirm truth in your heart. Satan doesn't let go without a fight, but he has already lost the battle. Jesus has saved you, and he will hold you and keep you grounded in truth. Trust him! In Jesus, Colleen | ||
| Lydell |
Rushelle and Sammi, as Colleen has said, what you are feeling is a normal grieving process. Glad to hear you don't intend to stay in it, tho! I think we have to come to a point of realizing that the feelings of leaving SDAism are just another version of the same stuff satan tries to do in peoples lives, and that is to get them bitter over their past. It doesn't matter if it is baggage from the SDA's or the Catholics or Mormons, if it was past physical and/or mental abuse, financial hardships, or whatever, there are many similarities. God wants to take your past and reinvent it. Joseph could have become bitter over the treatment he had received at the hands of his brothers. He could have given it up. Decided there was no hope on hearing the Lord correctly. Become bitter "that the Lord had let me down", or whatever. Instead, he turned his past over to the Lord and asked Him to bring good from it. And look what the Lord was able to do because Joseph made that choice to stop looking backwards and instead look at the now and the future. Yeah, it takes moving thru a process to get there. But I can't encourage you enough after those crying spells to keep turning your eyes back in the right direction. Certainly what you have been thru is rough. But, if you are willing to allow Him to work, the Lord is going to use that stuff to equip you for ministry to the hurting in this world. I was thinking the other day about how much harder it would be for someone who had been raised Amish to leave their world and step out here. Can you imagine? Those folks would literally be dropped from the sky onto a totally new planet! Most of them have had virtually NO contact whatsoever with people outside their faith community. man | ||
| Shortwave |
Rushelle, Don't feel alone. I've had times when my anger over this EGW stuff has made me unspeakably crazy! I too have wondered what my earlier life would/could have been if not for the clamp placed around my throat by the SDA cult. I just have to stop and realize that my parents truely THOUGHT they were doing the right thing for me..... their love for me was pure even IF their doctrine was tainted. All the things "normal" children experienced we missed,interaction with other "Christians" was forbidden etc. I don't need to go on and on but I UNDERSTAND!!!!!! The folks here do too. I'm simply grateful to have found a safe place to kick, scream, cry and learn to love Jesus, really for the first time in my life. Pray,Smile, Laugh.... Jesus did! Shortwave | ||
| Madelle |
Rushell, your words sound like my words--wondering what I could have been if my parents had not been SDAs. Anger of this magnitude is a little frightening. But it's part of the grieving process. I don't know whether it will go away completely because, after all, those years have indeed been taken from us and we did "believe a lie," but the anger WILL lessen. I suspect that if we did not feel that anger there would be something wrong with us. We would be apathetic, depressed, with no sense of self protection. So it means we realize what's been done to us, we are fighting back--we are normal human beings. Although I have not attended an Adventist church for 2-3 years I had not completely "left Adventism." Several months ago I realized I needed help to deal with the emotional side of that final step. I was sobbing with grief over those lost years, the lies, being used. I felt so alone, struggling to recognize and name my feelings. That's when I was directed to this Forum. Knowing that others were feeling EXACTLY the same feelings, going through the same grieving process, really helped. It has speeded my progress in leaving it behind and becoming a new person. I believe it will have the same effect on you. We are survivors, meeting together in spirit, learning how to thrive as we break the chains that have bound us. At first we focus on the horror of what's been done to us. And rightly so. Then we begin the process of separating the false beliefs from the few threads of truth. Although we may not recognize it we get stronger as we go through this process. We have apparent setbacks when we realize more of the effects of what was done to us and the horror returns. It's part of the process and it too shall pass. It is not a question of merely discovering the true facts of Adventism. There are some tremendous emotional effects that are almost overwhelming. People we loved and trusted gave us incorrect information. Did they lie knowingly? What should be our relationship with them now that we know? We cultivated habits based on what we thought to be truth. Now we must "uncultivate" them. We think we know things. They are so ingrained in our beliefs that we hardly know we believe them. Then we realize these are not truths, so we discard them. We begin to examine beliefs that we were taught were false; for example, the rapture, Sunday worship, immortality of the soul. But we do it with uneasiness because it still feels wrong to even open our minds to a study of them. We are very skeptical because we've been "fooled" before. We wonder if we will ever find truth. It's like being bound with many chains--some large, some tiny. We remove them one at a time, over a period of time. These are cognitive chains (what we believe and how we think) and it takes time for us to examine each one, learn the truth, and then break free from it. When we are finally free it is that much sweeter because we still remember the pain of being chained. This is where I believe it's good to have some memories of that anger and hurt--it helps you truly recognize the wondrous miracle of being free. It also enables you to be sympathetic to others just starting that process. Some folks may believe that the real issues in leaving Adventism are logical--the process of determining what is fact. It's not that simple. There are powerful emotional forces involved. You deal with all the emotional pain and find yet another pain--the pain of wondering if you can recognize truth. It's a little like being born again--dark, painful, no knowledge of what lies ahead, but being pushed inexorably forward. Here's to a successful rebirth! Madelle | ||
| Sammi |
Thanks Madelle for your fascinating and encouraging post to Rushelle, it spoke to me also! -Sammi | ||
| Shortwave |
Madelle, Thank you! shortwave | ||
| Snali |
Rushelle,having just recently left "the church" I understand what you have been going through,and in its own way it encourages me to know that everyone is or has gone through it. thank you to all. snali | ||
| Bmorgan |
Great comments y'all. I can truely identify with your feelings of anger, rage and sadness, Rushelle. When I had to face the fact that I was deceived by the organisation, I literally hit the floor. I wept for days. I felt ashamed, stupid, angry and hurt. I could not function normally for days. I even asked God why did He allow me to remain in that place. I was uneasy for years and longed to know Him all along. I had been crying out to Him. Adventism was my life. It permeated every facet of my life. Everything I did was influenced by the doctrines..diet, education,friends, reading materials, etc. I was the middle of the road openminded type SDA/ A dear friend of ours, said we were either poorly taught or not taught the truths of adventism. He may be correct. However, I did read lots of SOP books. I spent four years in the religious/theology department at an sda college. I had some very good adventist trained professors. Perhaps I went to the wrong Sda school. However, I tried to educate myself thoroughly. I was an avid reader of many adventist publications, journals magazines etc., and listened to some high profile, informed, leaders and speakers. I accepted only Kosher Adventist. Oh, I guess I needed to do more:( I understand our friend perfectly. He cares about my family's salvation. It is baffling to the masses,to hear an innocent child could say" the emperor has not clothes." When the light of truth did shine on my heart, I saw and am still seeing the self righteous, narrow minded,ignorant, deceived,person that I had been in reality. I was brokened, God continues to be humble me. The sick and angry feelings do go away, Rushelle. Even though they show up from time to time. The Lord pours on His peace everytime. You sense His Power and Presence in your life. I have discovered that each time I experience attacks or waves of emotions, it is because God is bringing me something fresh of Himself. It has happened enough that I welcome the down time. They are becoming my friends. The pain has subsided tremendously. God is Sovereign. It was in His plan that I passed through adventism, so He could bring me back from the land of bondage and give me a heart to KNOW Him. What He plants He will not uproot. I am happiest because God removed us from the "C...", just as our daughter turned a teenager!She knows Christ personally, and is sold out to Him. Praise God! Last week, when an SDA person asked me whether I had any regrets about leaving the church, and I replied, "Yes, I am sorry I did not leave ten years ago!" She was pretty unhappy with my response. Even the threats that God will hold me accountable for the "truths" I know, gives me something to laugh about. Life gets better. Be encouraged! What you are going through is normal. The grieving is healing. I would rather live in Freedom with Christ, and suffer All the grief which comes when the bondage is broken, than go back one day to the falsehood of sdaism. God is good. Best regards. BMorgan | ||
| Colleentinker |
I really resonate with your reactions, Madelle and BMorgan. I remember moments from the months when we were leaving, kind-of like mental snapshots. One I remember is Richard saying how angry he felt, and wishing he could somehow retrieve all the tithe he paid to the church during his years in Adventism. I've struggled with a surreal feeling, close to depression, that everything I did professionally and even personally was shaped by and given to a cult. I've felt shame and embarrassment that I could actually have been part of a cult--something I believed I was 'way too smart to fall into! I'm convinced that the reason "waking up" and learning the truth and then leaving the church is so deeply emotional is that there is a spiritual component to belonging to Adventism. Of course, all the normal psychological factors are in place: learning you have believed a lie, questioning your identity, losing family and friends--but the reason Adventism is so deeply enmeshing has to do with a very real spiritual entanglement in our souls. The lies can only come from Satan. We were born into or otherwise tightly bound to a very good deception. Adventism really looks like truth if you don't know the TRUTH. Whether we knowingly or unknowingly embraced the lies, we were in Satan's territory. People can only be in one of two places: in Christ, or claimed by Satan. There is no third option. A person is either actively seeking truth, or he's avoiding it. When we embrace Jesus and the gospel of grace and leave Adventism, we walk away from Satan. He doesn't give up without a struggle. Remember Jesus' teaching that when an evil spirit comes out of a man, he wanders looking for a place to stay? He comes back to the man he left, finds his house unoccupied and swept clean, and brings seven more with him. "And the final condition of that man is worse than at the first." (Matthew 12:43-45) That's the position we who have left are in. We are turning our backs on the spirit of Adventism, Satan's claim on our souls. But when we know Jesus, His Spirit fills us. That's why it's so important not simply to leave, but to consciously choose to live with Jesus and accept his new birth. The Holy Spirit fills our hearts where the spirit of Adventism used to be. Then we are safe in Jesus, protected against further and worse entanglements. We are, of course, always vulnerable to deception. But when we know Jesus, we can be certain that as we grow in him, he will be our strength and protection, and he will give us his wisdom and insight and discernment. The anger and pain of leaving are deep, and they take many months--even years--to "get through". But our hearts do heal. And the miracle is that as we heal, we understand and experience the deep mystery of grace in a way we probably never could have if we hadn't come from such a distorted background. God redeems our past! I actually praise him for how I was raised, and I am so grateful for his love and for his claim on my life. I thank him for choosing me and for leading me through that morass into his light! God is so faithful. He completes the work he begins in us, and he reveals himself to us through our suffering. I do pray that he will glorify himself through my life which he saved for himself! Colleen | ||
| Dennis |
My heart is stirred anew, as I read about your total commitment to our Lord Jesus. Certainly, Adventism has taken us on spiritual and even monetary detours. After all, we are human beings with assorted frailties and susceptible feelings. A closed system of "truth" results in closed minds. The faithful are not supposed to--and in most cases dare not-- think outside the boundaries of the closed theological system. The Christian life ceases to be a pilgrimage. Instead it offers a security with a certain appeal, but it is too much like the security of the totalitarian state. In the church system, however, the loss of true humanity is worse, because control of the mind is worse than control of the body. While Adventism claims to have over 12 million adherents (highly debatable statistics), we should feel distinctly honored that God has found us worthy of being called out of such a cultish movement. Belief transitions, at best, are not without trauma. God has brought us out of slavery in His own timetable for a noble purpose. I agree, Colleen, that God redeems our past. The best part of our spiritual journey has just begun. Called out to make a difference, Dennis J. Fischer | ||
| Colleentinker |
Dennis, you've expressed what I often feel. I am so grateful that God chose us and called us out! I have a friend who is a young woman (mid-20's) who has come out of Adventism within the last year. She said one day that every morning she wakes up and spends about the first 10 minutes just thanking God for choosing her! God actually saved us from a cult! And as you said, the best part of our spiritual journey has just begun. I praise God that he doesn't leave us alone when he pursues us. He loves us! Colleen | ||
| Bmorgan |
Colleen, A little over two years ago, God used Denis Jernigan's powerful praise song ministry to begin penetrating my heart with the power of the gospel. The song below is one of my favorite. Permit me to share it here. I hope it will be a blessing to someone. I have been blessed by it. Now, I celebrate living life in Jesus Christ. I am glad DJ is a favorite of yours too. B. "This is My Destiny" by Denis Jernigan All I was I lay aside Now dead to sin, To God alive! Born again into a new identity! Once asleep to God in sin Now wakened by the blood And cleansed! Born again to be who He called me to be! All I have I lay aside Run the race to gain the prize For the sake of knowing Jesus Christ in me! I cannot yet fully see All I'm truly called to be Knowing Christ Reveals my hope and destiny! He calls me child! He calls me to His side eternally! He calls what once was lost now found; Once bound to sin - now free! He calls me holy! Calls me righteous! By the blood redeemed! He calls me overcomer crowned with victory! This is my destiny! What once bound me is no more! What was stolen is restored By the resurrection power Of my King! What was old has been made new; Lies and doubts replaced by truth! What was silent now resounds, "I am Redeemed!" He calls me servant; Calls me warrior; Calls me royalty! He calls me resurrected one! He calls me His redeemed! He calls me higher; Calls me far beyond my wildest dream! He calls my heart To come and be all He can see! This is my Destiny! He calls me chosen! New creation! Trophy of His grace! He gives me strength To fight the fight And run to win the race! He tells me He delights in me While singing over me, Accepting me as His beloved bride-to-be! This is my destiny! This is my destiny! | ||
| Richardtinker |
Thank you Bmorgan for sharing the words to the DJ song. Colleen is at her school this morning and I'm here working on the website--those words were just what I needed! I've just added Dale Hand's study "Removing the Veil" in the "study" section of this website. Also, I recently added some material concerning the crusade in Papua New Guinea that is countering the recent Mark Finley crusade. Let's pray that those who have been drawn into bondage will come and hear the wonderful Gospel of security in Jesus! Happy Saturday!!! | ||
| Sherry2 |
That pastor/chaplain's story is awesome too and a good systematic questioning and looking at the Word of God in all doctrine. I do want to add to that PNG thing though that I am concerned about. We have friends who are Adventist missionaries down there - Jeff and Bobbi Bishop. What concerns me is this: Jeff converted a man to Adventism who was living an ungodly life - he wasn't a previous Christian. This man went back to his old town to share the "good news" and was chased and beaten out of town by "Evangelical Christians". Now that is wrong! And all this does is fulfill the Adventists theory on how they will be persecuted by "Babylon - the fallen Protestant churches". These church families need accountability to others that though they may indeed be against what Mark and Adventism are doing, they must not retaliate with hatred! That is so upsetting to me. So if any of you have direct contact with PNG people involved in this counter effort, please make it known that Christian brothers and sisters need to treat their enemies with love, and yes truth, but always through love! That story about this man was published in the "Adventist Frontiers" mission magazine. I'm afraid I've seen alot of this type of hatred lately. Even the families of African Christians recently killed by Muslims were praying for God to bring His wrath upon the people persecuting them for not giving them their God-given right to worship God as they saw fit. Hasn't this missed the whole picture of the Gospel and Christ praying on the Cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." ? Shouldn't our prayers for them be the same? Adventists, Muslims, etc. need Jesus and will be lost without Him. Romans 8:2 tells us it is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance, not His wrath. So yes, pray, let us pray. I'm glad they're doing a counter crusade. But I want people to be aware that the Evangelicals have done some counter-Christian things over there in PNG as well, and need to repent of these things so God can truly bless their outreach to those deceived by Adventism. |
