| Author | Message | ||
| Sammi |
i'm creating a new conversation here, something i never thought i'd do. however, i need to "vent" and couldn't find anything in any of the archives where that subject was highlighted. here in atlanta we have a section of the major newspaper, the atlanta journal-counstitution, called "the vent" and anyone can call in or e-mail in anything they just want to vent about! (although they're limited to a couple of sentences and i'm going to take more.) i don't want to whine and feel sorry for myself, but i'm just kind of confused and irritated right now. i found out through a friend tonight that many of my closest friends, those that acted understanding and offered me their unconditional love when i made public my decision to leave the church, are actually extremely hurt by what i did, and keep a distance from me because their hurt is just too great. my pastors, who i was very close to as i worked for them for quite a few years, are very hurt by what i've done, and nobody seems to understand why i didn't tell them i was studying these things at the time i was doing so, and everyone seems to think they could have (supposedly objectively) helped me understand sda issues better if i had only asked. i think i've been kidding myself that my major friendships were not going to be destroyed through this, and that things could stay the same. i have gone out of my way in a few instances to apologize to those i have hurt, letting them know i never would intentionally hurt them and that their friendships were important to me, i've forced myself to participate in situations where i knew i'd be a minority and feel awkward and uncomfortable, with the intention of "breaking the ice" and trying to make this easier on them, hoping my friendships would survive this. but now i realize that most of these friends are no longer comfortable around me. i had actually thought i could still visit my former church from time to time (i loved my sr. pastor and he consistently had excellent, Christ-centered sermons) but am now beginning to realize it wouldn't be anything like i've imagined. what i wonder though is this, do my sda friends and pastors really truly believe that if i had gone to them with my questions they would have truly open-mindedly, objectively "studied" these things with me? i know from personal experience that anything in opposition to what they believe is immediately filed in the metal cylinder under the desk. i'm just frustrated because i followed God's calling, studied, and prayed and listened to Him, and now there are Christians that are focused on how i have hurt "them." sorry if i'm not making much sense, but again, i'm just "venting"!!! thanks ya'll for listening, and please keep me in your prayers. i just want to be the daughter of God He wants me to be, and to not lash out at anyone or do anything to damage my witness. love and prayers to all, carol | ||
| Colleentinker |
Carol, you are in my prayers. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. When we left we had a rush of calls and contacts from people we knew who wanted to know WHY we did what we did. They were eager and seemed open. We, too, had the illusion that maybe we would have ongoing discussions. We realized soon, however, that after their initial curiosity was satisfied, all those people just disappeared. We never hear from most of them unless we "accidentally" run into them. One person who was exceptionally accepting and understanding still acts polite when we meet face-to-face, but when Richard found himself in an office where this person was not long ago, this person picked up the phone receiver (the phone had not rung) as Richard approached and kept it on his ear (without dialing or speaking) until Richard left. Another friend of mine whom I really treasured told me, after the initial conversations of questions and answers, that she doubted our friendship would be able to survive. She is awkward with me in personóthere's little to talk aboutóand a few days ago she said to me regarding a party she was planning, "If you hadn't left our circle, you could have come and eaten with us." Carol, I know how angry and hurt you're feeling, and I'm so sorry. God will redeem even this in some way! Praising God for freedom, Colleen | ||
| Shortwave |
Hello, Great thread! Part of the "Adventist" programming is their refusal to allow anyone to vent or question. I've been gone for some time from this site because I felt kind of frozen out here too. There were some issues I wanted to work out and found some here unwilling to enter into the discussion... I've decided the subject was probably not as important as I thought, and since many of my struggles are not related to that subject I'll just not discuss them here. I was born into Adventism. I was raised in a family where E.G White was the ONLY authority. Almost every conversation started with "Sister White says"...not Jesus said, or we need to look in the Bible.I used to refer to her as "The Hammer." I still run into folks from my old church from time to time, and invariably the say to me "I hear you've left the church" or something along that line. Just once I'd like to hear, Do you still love Jesus,is your faith strong? I find Adventists to be frightened and unsure...I find Christians, REAL Christians to be fearless, joyful and alive. I find myself failing more than winning in my struggles daily. I'm just glad to find that every day the Holy Spirit comes back to me and says,"ok...now lets start over, Jesus loves you, do you love Him enough to try again? I don't care if anyone finds that simplistic or hokey...it's the truth. Simple but true. This VENT you have started... it gives us a place to open our hearts AND minds. Jesus had to vent once in a while too. Are we greater than He? Shortwave | ||
| Lydell |
Shortwave, the question we were asked, almost a year after we had left the church, from long time friends in another state was, "we heard you had become apostate". Had they called from concern to ask what was going on? noooo... just accepted the gossip they had heard. strange! Isn't it wonderful that the Spirit does come back every day, dust us off, and start over? I have heard that the time we should are truly in trouble is when we aren't bothered at all about our failures and instead just shrug them away. If we are unsettled somewhat by our failures, then it means that we are near Jesus. If we are untroubled by them, it means we have wondered off too far. Carol, so sorry for how you are being treated. (We never got a phone call, or heard words of concern...not one!) It sounds like you are doing what you reasonably can to make folks more comfortable around you. That's all you can be held responsible to do. You know, you really are living on a separate planet from these folks. You are now sort of speaking a new language. So it really is understandable that those still in the walls of Adventism don't have a clue where you are coming from. Unfortunately it shows how deep the deception there really is. And that is so sad. It does hurt when folks act like you are dangerous, or not to be trusted, doesn't it. As to your question of do they think they could have studied objectively with you...yeah they probably honestly believe that. But looking back from where you are now, I think you can recognize that the average SDA doesn't have a clue how to go about studying the Bible objectively, nor would they be willing to do so because it would rattle the cage. It really shows the measure of grace and mercy the Lord poured on you to open your own eyes to truth. But it all started with one small choice on your part to for just a moment to question something that was taught there, and the willingness to look at the answer and ask another question. I think we all can look back to many moments when the questions would initially flit through our minds and we would brush them aside quickly. He just waits for that one moment when we are willing to open the door by entertaining the questioning, just for a moment. He stands willing to do the same for them. It only takes one small choice. | ||
| Shortwave |
Lydell, It's good to hear from you. It's good to be back too. Yes I'm glad to hear the voice of my friend say...here let me help you up. The Holy Spirit has never used a "still small voice" with me, he always whacks me over the head with a VERY heavy 2x4! Guess it's cause I'm so hard headed and willfull. Oh well, if Jesus is willing to wait, and the Holy Spirit is willing to keep wiping my nose and dusting me off....I'll keep holding up my hand and yelling...."HELP". I'm begining to see them as friends... been a long time coming! Shortwave | ||
| Andrew_adams |
I would love to talk about issues on this forum. It's a fact that you can't talk about this on any other adventist forum. I worked with an evangelist for some years and I heard the adventist way and what they believe till I was blue in the face. Then one day I ask a question and everything went down hill from there. I still go to church because my wife is still in the church. But no one listen to me or reads what I show them from the Bible. Please lets talk. AA | ||
| Jtree |
Double A, continue speaking. I had those same things happen to me, such as one was trying to really convert me with some strange Bible study, which was contrary to the sound doctrine that I had already accepted. And when I would show him in the Bible, he would not listen to me, or he would twist the context so tightly that the paper in the Bible was tearing. (exagerated but so "real"). Pick the TOPICS, many here (myself included) have already started talking the issues at hand. What was the question you asked that caused "everything went down hill"? Joshua | ||
| Shephil222 |
Hi Carol, I found it interesting that you were from Atlanta, Georgia. I am from Atlanta as well. Well my family and I are. I am a native. Born and raised. I can understand exactly how you feel. It can make you quite angry because you see that the only thing that binded your friendship with these people was Adventism. It's sad but true. I learned that quickly. So did my mother and sister. All the friends that I pretty much had were SDA's and when I left, I only had 2 of my friends call me only out of being nosey and to spread the news that I was an "apostate". To them it's apostacy but to me it's pure, uncut freedom and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But after that one phone call from them I never heard from them again. The fear that they have is "If I deside to continue my friendship with this person then I can become an apostate just like them. I don't want to risk my chance on getting to heaven because I have friendships with unbelievers." It hurts, but then it makes you angry because many of them are comfortable in their Bondage. All we can do is pray for them. That God somewhere, somehow, and someday plants that little bitty seed that can cause those chains to break so that they can be free. God bless Rushelle and Family | ||
| Sabra |
A_A, Right there with ya man. I've been trying to encourage my mother into a Bible study, simply, study the Bible, read it! Well, she informed me Tues. that she is having Bible study once a week with some friends. I said "Great, what are yall studying?" She says the Desire of Ages.............Good Grief! Apparently the WORD can not stand alone in Adventism. I have to keep reminding myself that I am responsible for my witness, and they are responsible for their own decisions. | ||
| Lydell |
I'm afraid that is an all too typical answer Sabra. We tried several times to get friends together for Bible study when we were in the SDA church, or were invited to Bible studies, and every single time, bar none, the question was, "Okay, which one of sister white's books should we study." Hm, do you THINK maybe THAT could be the whole problem? | ||
| Shephil222 |
I agree Lydell. It's rather interesting. They are way too afraid to study the bible alone. It's almost like a drug. These people need to go through detox. And the only way they can do that is with the help of the Lord. Adventists CAN'T study with out Ellen White. Or let's say most of them choose not to study with out her. | ||
| Sammi |
hey rushelle! i wasn't quite clear, are you still in atlanta? i've been away for a few days, in LA (colleen, as you figured out i'm sure, we stayed in LA, didn't venture out east) - had a wonderful, relaxing weekend - just what i needed! only the 2nd time i've ever been to california, in fact 2nd time further west than nebraska, gosh i can see why people love california. is there a coast more beautiful? (actually i'm sure the far northwest as well as the northeast rival or surpass, but i've never seen them.) it was so awesome driving around up in the hills of malibu and discovering ranches up there with incredible views of mountains, canyons, and the ocean, all in one view. we really had a perfect weekend, were able to enjoy some authentic mexican food, and found a wonderful outdoor place to watch the sun go down sat nite while sitting around a brick fire pit and staying warm. well, i am sidetracked, was wondering about you rushelle, and where you attend church if you are in the atlanta area? love and prayers to all, carol | ||
| Shephil222 |
Hi Carol, Well, I am still in atlanta. I haven't found a church yet. I'm looking. It's been a little difficult. Although I do need to get out and fellowship with other believers. One day God will put me in the right place, eventually. What church do you attend? and It's good to know you had such a great time in california. Be blessed Rushelle | ||
| Sammi |
hi again rushelle! so glad to hear there's a former in my area (i'm sure there are many, but i sure don't know them!) - we've been going to and enjoying a church called "wesleyan fellowship" - they split off from the huge methodist church on the square in marietta due to disagreement with the methodist denomination. it's a very contemporary worship style church, and has a significant number of young people. with our sda background it may seem a little overwhelming at first, don't know what you've been exposed to, comfortable with, etc., but you should give it a try. they rent a church, so meet on sunday afternoons. the service we attend is at 4:30. let me know if you'd like to check it out (don't know what part of atlanta you're in?) and i'll meet you there some time. the church is on a little side street called "austin ave" across the road from "White Water" in marietta. stay in touch, and you can e-mail me at cdfussell@yahoo.com if you'd like. love and prayers, carol |
