| Author | Message | ||
| Chris (Chris) |
I've mentioned in several posts that my in-laws (father-i-l, mother-i-l, & brother-i-l) have been very upset with my wife and me ever since we left Adventism. It has been a very difficult situation. We used to sit together in church then go over to the in-laws house for a big dinner every Sat. It was nice. A weekly tradition that my wife, children, and I all enjoyed. We were a very close family. We had no other conscientious choice but to leave Adventism, but it was hard becasue it caused a huge rift in the family that will probably never be fully healed this side of Heaven. There has been much pain and coldness since then and the relatively few family gatherings that we do have are quite strained at best. Well this weekend my b-i-l and his wife came into town and stayed with my wife and I instead of staying with my m-i-l & f-i-l. They volunteered to go to church with us on Sunday morning and invited my in-laws as well. Much to my suprise the whole family showed up for church on Sunday morning. Afterwards we went out to eat and had a very nice family meal together. The atmosphere was relaxed, loving, and fun. We even received a few compliments on the service, music, minister, and such. It was such a wonderful day it made me very nostalgic for the old days. The theological divide is way too wide for us to ever go back to the old days, but this was a very nice gesture on the part of my in-laws and I love them for it. Perhaps this is a sign that we are rounding the corner in our family relationships (although I hate to get my hopes up). It would be enough for me if we could all just agree to disagree so along as the atmosphere was no longer hostile, bitter and angry. I feel like praing the Lord today because I believe this is an answer to prayer. He is a wonderful God who works in wonderful ways! He changes hearts and minds and I love Him for it. This weekend helps me believe that nothing is impossible for Him. I also long for the day that we are all united in heaven when we can put all of this pain and dissent behind us and simply commune together in worship of the mighty maker of the universe. That day can't come soon enough for me. Chris | ||
| Jeannette (Jeannette) |
Chris: I am so happy your in-laws went to church with you and your wife. God is so awesome. Maybe they read Kay Kuzmas advice column in the Review where she says that it is ok. for SDAs to worship any day of the week including Sunday, as long as they keep the Sabbath as a day of rest. I wish my husband would go with me to visit different Churches so we can find a permanent church but he still feels the Sabbath is the "correct" day, however, he wont go to an SDA church either. Jeannette | ||
| Chris (Chris) |
Yes, I saw Kuzma's article. I was kind of suprised by it. However, in fairness I have to say that I know her daughter, Kari, quite well from PT school and have briefly ment Mrs. Kuzma. As far as I can tell they are a beautiful evangelical Chrsitian family that is very Christ centered so I probably shouldn't be too suprised. Maybe her advice will do some historic SDAs some good(although I also saw she got some flack for it in letters that were sent in). I'm sorry to hear that your husband will not yet attend other churches with you. Perhaps with time and prayer. I have come to see the idea of the dayness of the Sabbath as a HUGE stumbling block. So many people would be ready to enter into a deeper relationship with Christ and a fuller union with the body of Christ on earth if it weren't for this gigantic stumbling block that has been erected. It's really a shame. Chris | ||
| Melissa (Melissa) |
Which Review was the article in? I'd like to get B's perspective on that one.... | ||
| Dennis (Dennis) |
Chris, Your post today is really good news. Sylvia and I are about the same age as your parents-in-law. Who would have ever imagined, in their wildest dreams, that we would ever leave Adventism after fifty years in that subculture? Our Lord is so wonderful! As the song says, "God specializes in things thought impossible." Several months ago, I very briefly talked about religion with your father-in-law as we were enjoying pizza at Valentino's for lunch. He asked me what I didn't believe about Adventism. I mentioned about three doctrines due to our busy schedules--one was the legal Sabbath as I still remember. Also, as you know, the senior pastor at the College View SDA Church has left the "truth" as well. Also, Dr. Hubbard, former president of Union College, now teaches an adult Sunday School Class in a Methodist Church in Missouri. All these people are our age. So, there is hope for many at the half-century mark (smile). Keep praying, Chris! | ||
| Colleentinker (Colleentinker) |
Chris, that IS good news! I'm inferring from your post that your wife's family was very much your family, too, and this rift between you is not only something you're watching from the "outside" but is also really personal. Yes, God changes hearts of all ages. My parents left the SDA church in their 70s. I didn't realize before they moved to So. California how much they had already left in their minds. My mom recently told me that in the mid-80's (which would have put my folks around the 60-year mark, give or take a year or two) my dad read the book Omega, insisted that my mom read it, and they both became convinced that Adventism was dishonest and manipulative. They had already become convinced that the Sabbath was not what Adventism said it was, and they were able to leave EGW behind. They also began reading the Bible together systematically to discover what it really said. The most amazing thing about their leaving is that they both--but espcially my dad--were dyed-in-the-wool conservative Adventists. I would never have thought anything would shake his Adventism. But he was committed to the Lord, and he had an honest heart, and God led him and my mom out of the church a few years before he died. When they moved away from Oregon after nearly 50 years there, they finally felt free to leave the church. "Keep praying, Chris!" Colleen | ||
| Chris (Chris) |
Amazing story about your parents Colleen. Yes, you are right.....you're VERY perceptive. My wife's parents are my family as well. I come from a *very* dysfunctional (albeit SDA) background. I don't have much contact with the adoptive family I grew up with (primarily because it's still a very destructive evil environment and I can't put my daughters at risk). It took me a long time to even deal with the whole idea of family. But gradually, between God and my wife, my heart was changed. I do consider her family to be my own. They are dear people, but they have reacted in the only way they knew how as they had been taught by Adventism. I blame the system more than our family. All the same it has been quite painful. Maybe things are getting better! Chris | ||
| Jeannette (Jeannette) |
Melissa: Kay Kuzmas advices appeared in the May NAD edition, I tried to access it on line but wasn't able to get to it. I only read the letters to the editors. We only get the free edition of the review and it ends up in the trash almost as soon as it gets here. Jeannette | ||
| Melissa (Melissa) |
Thanks for checking, Jeannette. | ||
| Colleentinker (Colleentinker) |
Chris, I have seen so much of what you described above regarding evil (thank you for actually saying it!) SDA families. (Not that SDAs corner the market, by the way.) In my experience teaching in SDA schools and also in subsequent relationships I've had with other SDA young people, I'm completely convinced that many families love Adventism because it gives them a structured, behavioral framework behind which to hide all manner of addictions, abuses, and out-of-control compulsions. I have watched the wounding and heartache and dysfunction that has haunted the lives of several people close to me as a result of parental or familial abuse or neglect which the parents never acknowledge but which leave the affected children hurt and struggling for healing well into adulthood. I understand your skittishness about "family", Chris, and praise God for your wife and also for her family who have helped to heal the wounds in your heart. You will find that God will continue to heal you the more you embrace the truth about your life as he reveals it. That includes his healing of the wounds her family's reactions have had on you as well. As one deeply wounded young woman told me, "Just to think I always thought I NEEDED my family." I responded, "And what DID you need?" She thought a moment, then said, "Jesus". He is enough! Praise him! Colleen |
