| Author | Message | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Y'all, How do your kids dress? What are your guidelines? My personal stand is that the big "baggies" and outlandish hair colors and styles are not wrong or bad in and of themselves. I believe that what they stand for is wrong however. I've noticed a general pattern in the kids that dress "funky", have you? If you've noticed that "funky" dressed kids are in general have some attitude problems, SHARE. If you agree or disagree, let's mull this one around for a while. This seems to me to be a totally new thread subject:):)? Maryann | ||
| Patti |
Hi, Maryann! I was raised in the days that girls could only wear pants to school if it were under a dress. When I was in high school (we are talking public school, now), for the first time girls were allowed to wear slacks, but they had to be a part of a "pants suit," which mean the top had to be tunic length. The very next year, we were allowed to wear mini-skirts, "hot pants," and midriff tops, so things degenerated very rapidly. So much was made over dress in our church. We had a new minister come to town ahead of his family. He was waiting for his girls to finish the school year. He was absolutely obsessed with dress, preaching sermon after sermon on dress length. I can remember a particular "week of prayer" series in which he asked the youth to be greeters, but specified exactly how long our dresses should be. Then, when his 2 teenaged daughters got there, we were astounded. Their dresses were just about as short as they could get, and they frequently wore hip huggers with midriff tops, braless! So guess how much attention we paid to our minister after that! Anyway all that aside, I have been very liberal with my kids over dress. Fortunately (?) both of them have tended to be chubby and did not feel like hanging all of their flesh out for the world to see. My daughter is 6'2" and has had so much trouble finding skirts that satisfied her desire to be stylish and covered what needed to be covered. We have had words about that--not from a "if-you-wear-short-skirts-you-are-hellbound" perspective--but from a realistic outlook--but I have left it up to her to make most of the decisions. My son went through a period of time of funky haircuts. He looked awful, but he thought he looked cool, so I didn't say anything. My daughter went through about 5 years of weird hair color. But now she has settled down (laziness?) to her natural color. Of course she may come home with pink hair tomorrow, who knows? If the kingdom of heaven is not a matter of eating and drinking, then I believe it could not possibly be a matter of clothing or hair-dos either. There are so many life-or-death decisions that our children are faced nowadays, I cannot see putting out too much effort on clothes. Especially since I raised them by myself, without child support, on a teacher's salary. (Goodwill became our favorite store!) If a parent can give their child a good moral foundation, keep them safe from the drug world during that critical age of 14-19, instill in them the value of a good education, model for them and teach them goal-setting and reaching, and faith in the Gospel of our Lord, I say WHO CARES what they wear or how they do their hair! My opinion only, Patti | ||
| Bmorgan |
Maryann, There is such a calm on this forum we can even venture off into the "forbidden" areas. That's cool. Guess what? I am the one is inspected after I am dressed, before I leave the house. My daughter would NOT allow me out of my room if my clothes are not tasteful enough in her opinion. She whinny-cries in a distress sounding voice: "Mommy, please! That's eighty's stuff, don't wear those clothes. Please Mommy, pleaaaasssee. I'll do anything for you." What do I do? Change clothes of course. A couple days ago, my husband watched and listened in disbelief, then remarked, "What a twist, Daughther tells mother what to wear, and mother obeys. Huuuuhh! What is the world coming to. So Maryann, I guess I am the one with the attitude. I have to dress just right. Capris the new/old- peddle pushers)cannot be too tight, too short or too teenage looking. Neither can I put on a frompy, dowdy (according to my daughter) looking, old woman's dress either. Can you give me any advice. BMorgan | ||
| Patti |
LOL! I understand! My daughter and I have the same relationship! Advice? Just wait until she is burdened down with kids and helping to support a family and then get even! Or wait until her daughter treats her the same, and laugh your head off!! (I can't wait for payback with my daughter!!) Patti | ||
| Bruceh |
Hi Maryann I know I have not been on line that much. It is good to see you holding down the line!!!!! | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Patti and Morgan, Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#^%#@^&;((! I have sorta "big dealed" the dress issue with my son. NOT from religious reasons either!!! I have found that whether it is school, Church or work, there IS a huge difference in the attitudes of kids and it is directly proportioned to the funkiness of the clothing??????? Patti.....Maybe this is a geographical thing? Here in Vegas, the kids at 10, are holy terrors!!! You have kids at 6 or 7 that are more interested in the hair dooo and how much "crack" or "undies" is showing above 6 sizes to big jeans with a harness holding them up and enough chain hanin' from here or there to tow a semi?! They walk around with this chin up, nose droolin' snot, eyes that would just a soon spit in your eye as kick you in the shin look!! And this starts at well under 10 years old!! Am I such an old fogey that I don't think this is normal, or does this sound a bit worse in my area then in your area? It really seems to be a serious status symbol. My kids dress pretty well. I'm the one that is NOT to careful. I'm a jeans (that fit) and T-shirt kind of a person and will wear them anywhere, even Church, if I'm traveling and a dress is to difficult to pour myself into. (I do prefer to wear a dress to Church and it was only a couple years ago that I ventured in a Church with jeans on!!!!) Morgan.......My daughter has never yet given me the "evil eye" about my style of dress. She, herself wouldn't be caught dead in it though. Maybe it's coming soooooon? She dresses well with in my idea of how she should all on her own. I have a problem when my son, even though he dresses quite well also, would rather die then be seen in a pair of fitting Levis. I think it shows that he's is dependant upon his pants for his self esteem??? At work, when you have a young fella come out on the job and he's dressed in clothes that fit, he is generally a very good worker. When a young fella comes out and has these size 38s on a 28 behind, he generally is useless as a milk cow with no faucets!? What do you make of this? Okay, now........how many toes did I step on? I really would like some more imput as I don't want to do something really stupid when we are re-located next week!!! Are my reasons for "this far and no more" really way unreasonable in Y'alls minds? Yeh, and it is quiet! I'm here to noisy it up a bit:):):):) Maryann | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Bruce:=)) Good to see you show up too!:-)) Looks like I'll get to be a regular FAF(er) and Trinity(er) Friday after next:):) Hope to see you there. Maryann | ||
| Patti |
Hi, Maryann, We live in the Houston area, and my kids went to school with all the gangs and stuff. They never had an interest in the baggy look (My daughter took the "grunge look" rather seriously and would wear men's pants from Goodwill with long-tailed shirts. But, hey, she is an artist. I have never yet seen an artist that had any taste in clothing); as I said they were both a little heavy so stuff rarely hung off of them anyway. My daughter wanted to get her tongue pierced; I said it was a stupid thing to do, would interfere with eating (My kids didn't like ANYTHING to interfere with their eating!!) and so she colored her hair instead. (Actually, I don't think she really wanted to--she hates pain of any kind.) My son was different from the other boys. Maybe because he did have a weight issue throughout jr. high and high school. He was a Boy Scout--got his Eagle--and one of the questions they asked him for his Life rank board of review was, "Would you be embarrassed to wear you Boy Scout uniform to school?" His answer was, "No. I am used to being different." Also he was in MCJROTC in high school, so he wore army fatigues often. So clothing never was a serious issue with him. COMFORT was (still is--he has a job that lets him wear shorts to work now; he is as happy as a clam! I asked him last time I saw him when he was going to be old enough to wear long pants!). So he wore shorts and T-shirts most of high school. The only thing he followed fashion on (to a degree) was his hair. I survived that, and loved him in spite of his hairdo. There are so many other issues that I feel are much, much more important during teenage, like sexual abstenance, refusing drugs (You can't keep drugs away from them; they are everywhere. You have to teach them to take a firm stand against them), anger management, responsible driving, etc. etc. ad infinitum. Even now, looking back 4 or 5 years ago when he was a teenager, there were things I should have paid more attention to--his hair and clothes are not among them. | ||
| Lydell |
Maryann, I would say that a 10 year old should be a heck of a lot more under the authority of the parent in clothing and hair than a 14 or 16 year old. However that applies in the individual situation. I'd give them a range of things they could pick from. But they surely aren't going to dictate to mom what the range of choices will be. I could see compromising a tad, but also drawing a line with a "when you are___ years old, we'll talk about it again." The older they get the more you want them to become independent from you. That's your goal eventually is to have them move out and become independent adults.....NOT returning home! ha and I DO deeply love my kids. And if they are going to be independent of you, then they are going to have their personality independent of you as well. My oldest was always kind of boring. He'd look at the front of a coloring book and everything had to be colored just like that. No imagination! Now he's 24 and over the past year his hair has been yellow, green, blue, and now red. (He tells me that this is the last one.) He graduates this year and will be looking for a job come the first of the year. So he tells us he is getting it out of his system. Thank you Lord. Oh yeah, he is also on the electrical engineering deans list. So we have no gripes! I would really! like to see the looks on the faces of the folks who come to visit at his church and see him standing up front leading worship. Screaming red hair, but a committed Christian. Praise God! The younger has had his hair extremely blonde, but the clothes haven't got real weird. They are both fairly conservative there. At one point on our worship team we had Dan with his blonde hair, two guys who had shaved their heads, and another guy with a ring in his lip (that one tells me that it signifies that "the Lord caught me!" and since I can see a real passion for the Lord in his life and see how the Lord is using him, I'm sure not going to argue!) And all of them, and the pastor have taken to wearing Hawaiian print shirts lately. It comes down to whether or not we believe that God really does look on the heart and not the outward appearance. If the kid is hanging out with gangs or totally uninterested in the Lord then NOW you have a problem....but odd clothes or hair, nah. Actually, I think the more a parent focuses on the outward appearance the more likely it will be to become more weird. Hmm, maybe it is a training ground. If you can accept your own kid who is looking very different these days, you should be more able to love a stranger who looks different from you. | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Lydell and All, You said: "However that applies in the individual situation." Probably says it best. It really is an individual thing. I think that it is just awesome for a kid to be so grounded in the Lord that they can keep their own identity, yet fit in with a particular crowd. Those kids are the ones that can witness best to other kids that are a bit on the funky side. However, when a kid doesn't have the proper grounding, their range of choices should be a bit on the slimmer side, I suppose. I will still stand firm on the observation I have made time and time and time again. And that is that in general, the funkier they look, the least likely they will be good workers!! It is so true that our job is to guide them for a certain time and give them more and more rein to practise the Christian principals they have learned. That is what this whole cycle is about, learning. Maryann | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Patti, Morgan and Lydell, I have been wanting to update this for a few months and never get around to it. Thank you, all of you for your input;-)) Here is how I handled the situation with my son. I told him that I was sorry that I made a big deal about the baggy pants. I told him that there were other issues of much more importance. He knows how I feel about the issue and we discussed what extreme was. I said, "No Crack!" He informed me (and I knew this already) that he would never walk around with the "crack" showing. I gave him the freedom to choose what he wanted to wear. NOW, with NO wall between him and I on this issue, he will say, "Hey Mom, are these pants okay? Are they too baggy?" I say, "Hey bud, you gots good taste, man, get 'em if you likes 'em." Funny thing, he really wants to please me and NEVER gets pants that are offensive to me!!!:-0 What I've learned from this is that you should always think before you battle your kids on an issue and decide before hand if it is a matter of principle or a matter of MOM wanting to control. It is just so neat that he is honoring me now that he has a choice. IBC | ||
| Valm |
Maryann, That is funny. We have the baggy pants thing going on in our home too. I don't mind it now as long as there is a belt on!!! My twelve year old weighs a walloping 70 pounds so a belt is a must. I can not bear to see kids holding there pants up with one hand while trying to something with just the other. Most of the time the baggie shirts cover what ever is not under the baggie pants. But in the summer he likes the hint of boxer showing from his shorts when his shirt is off. I have gotten use to it. It really isn't as big of a statement in my mind now that I am use to it. He does it because all of his sailboat buddies and coaches wear their pants like that. It is being part of the crowd, but I like these lads alot and his coachlast year was a great role model in sportsmanship and overall demeaner. The ONLY firm rule I have is that there are no T SHIRTS worn with anything disrespectful or non congruent with wholesome living. This has not been an issue at all. With regards to church clothes. Everything is so casual here in the NW. My only rule is no play clothes, the kind they wear when running in the woods or heavy play. Jeans and even shorts in the summer are fine with me as long as they are relatively new and neat. You hit the nail on the head about the control issue. When Joseph first starting to want to dress in style, I felt so out of control. I realized it wasn't the clothes themselves it was the lack of control I felt. Valerie | ||
| Maryann |
Hi Val, Yeh!;-)) Well, I don't have the boxer problem because you couldn't melt and pour my son into those things! I rather agree. The bother and all with them! They have to go through coniptions to get the boxer's to hang or lay flat under their jeans! My son figures that the shorts showing is indecent, so that goes to show I NEVER had a problem with him to start with!!!!! It was me;-( He he he he | ||
| Denisegilmore |
I enjoy wearing boxers. They are confortable to sleep in. So there. ~~~(: Now with Daniel and Blueboy, I've never had any problems with a dress code. Well until recently. Daniel never complains about his fur and neither do I, of course. And Blueboy, well, he is molting (sp), so I do have somewhat of a dress code problem right now cause his little feathers are flying all over my house and Daniel is goin nuts trying to catch em! :)) But the molting will end and soon, me and my two boys will be back to norm. That's my experience, arncha glad I shared it? <hehehe> God Bless you mothers out there, yes, and fathers too. DtB | ||
| Valm |
Denise, I suppose like molting and shedding, these woes of raising boys will pass too!! Valerie | ||
| Denisegilmore |
Valerie, Don't count on it, for boys will be boys..:)) I was told by expert mothers, that a boy stays a boy all his life...true story. hehe Blessings to your family, DtB, your sister in Christ Jesus | ||
| Valm |
Well I hope they stay boys, I was just hoping for the woes to pass. Valerie | ||
| Violet |
I didn't know where to put this, so it's under this topic. I just received an e-mail that and Adventist school is being sued for 20 million for forcing a boy to cross dress as a punishment. Pretty wild huh? http://www.tagnet.org/adventistsinthenews/issue051301.htm |
