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Chyna
Posted on Sunday, April 01, 2001 - 2:25 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I'll bet this never happens to Adventists :)

today I woke up for church setting my alarm for a good hour ahead of time to get ready for church, by the time I realize it, it was too late! it was already spring forward, and I was late for my service.

the time change always happens before a Sunday so there are always some too early (fall back) and too late (spring forward) like me.

Chyna
Valm
Posted on Sunday, April 01, 2001 - 6:18 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

My neighbor and I pulled a very very funny April fools joke on her husband yesterday. And then later he mentioned the clock change.
When my alarm, set on his advice went off today the first thing I thought was "he got me". I was happy to know that I did not miss out on an hour of sleep when I turned on my computer and saw the clock reset.
Lucias (Lucias)
Posted on Monday, August 12, 2002 - 11:39 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Was going through some old books last week and found this one. The exact title escapes me.

The title was "...Recipies from Great Hospital Chefs".

It is a cookbook with a guy on the cover grinning from ear to ear and clapping as a woman brings him a large fruit platter, a bunch of watermelon primarily. Its a blue cover.

Now I put this in the humor section because, in general, few people go to the hospital to partake of culinary delights.

Only in the melding of ideas in the subculture could this book get published.

Anyone else seen this book and/or have a copy ?
Dennisrainwater (Dennisrainwater)
Posted on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 4:48 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I got this e-mailed to me from a friend a while back. It was worth a good, hearty laugh.

Anyone wanna come up with some other versions of the SDA one I added at the end??

Anyway, here it is -- hope y'all enjoy it! (Please don't get offended because there are a few non-Christians included below, okay?)


HOW MANY CHRISTIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?


Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.


Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.


Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.


Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.


Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.


Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.


Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.

However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.

Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.


Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.


Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.


Amish: What's a light bulb?


And last but not least...

Adventists: Just for such emergencies, we have had a "Lesser Light bulb" installed just in front of the "Greater Light bulb". Over the years, we have grown so accustomed to the light from the "Lesser Light bulb" that we might not really miss the light from the "Greater Light bulb", should it ever burn out. Therefore, replacement has fundamentally already been accomplished...
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 5:23 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

If you all like really super funny jokes go to www.oldlutheran.com, I'm serious now, you go to the link that says, "humor", and honestly be prepared to sit in front of your computer and laugh until your sides hurt and tears are bursting from your eyeholes. Aso, Dennis, being a bonified Lutheran I was sitting on pins and needles waiting for the Lutherans to come up on your post above. I'm glad you didn't leave us out! Also, on oldlutheran.com you can order a Martin Luther bobblehead. They are sooooo cool. I ordered one for the church office. I also ordered me a tee shirt that says "Lutheran Chick" on it and there's a precious little yellow chicken on the front. Thanks for a good one, Dennns.
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 10:08 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Another funny joke: Two guys are flying on a major super big airline across the sea to a faraway land. In front of them are sitting two nuns. The fellows decided to talk really loud and have a conversation with the sole purpose of annoying the nuns. Fellow #1 says to fellow #2, "Where are you going"? #2 answers, "I don't know but I do know I don't want to be where there are any Catholics". #1: "Why not go to Ireland then? I hear that's a real nice country". #2, "No way! Ireland is full of Catholics. About 50% of the population is Catholic. I told you, I don't want to be where there are any Catholics". #1: "Then how about Italy? I've heard it's real nice over there". #2: "No! I will not go to Italy. The Vatican is there and that's just too close to being with all Catholics. I told you, I'm not going where there are Catholics". #1: "Then how about California. I've heard it's a wonderul place". #2: "No way! In California you can't tell the Catholics from anyone else. Everyone just accepts everyone else over there. I might be aroud Cathlics and not even know it. No, I won't go to California". By this time the nuns in front of these men are really getting annoyed. So, one of the nuns turns around and says to fellow #2, "So, you don't want to be where there are any Catholics"? "Yes", replies the man, "That's correct. I want to go where there are no Catholics". And, at this moment the nun looks the fellow right in his eye and says, "Then you can just go to hell. I've heard there are NO Catholics there".BTW, I hared this with Sister Regia, he head nun for our local diocee and she loved it.
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 10:15 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

My Favorite websiTe is: www.oldlutheran.org, chEck it out, especialy the link to "lutheran humor" but be prepared to hold your Sides laughing as it'S so, so funny. Anyway, this is my favorite on the link, "You might be a Lutheran if...". It is, "You might be a Lutheran if your house is a total mess and you know that is alright because you know you are "saved by Grace" and not by works. Well, I'll say the Good Lord certanily led me into the right fellowship for me if that is one of the signs of knowing if I'm ment to be a Lutheran.
Lydell (Lydell)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 9:00 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Okay guys, I am apologizing now for putting this here. It doesn't have a thing to do with anything on the site. But I'm still in shock and had to put it somewhere! And I know those of you who also live in the deep Sauth will be able to appreciate this story.

I was just walking down to visit a sick neighbor. While passing our nearest neighbors house I heard him calling to me. There he was, on top of his house with a loaded rifle in his hand, a pair of binoculars around his neck, AND....lest I forget... AND a pair of deer antlers hanging around his neck! "Funny way for me to be a huntin' deer ain't it?"

And it's only 10 in the morning. What do you suppose the rest of my day will hold? ha
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 12:59 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Dang! You got a looney neighbor!
Colleentinker (Colleentinker)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 3:37 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Lydell, was the moon shining, if you get my drift?

Colleen
Jerry (Jerry)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 4:03 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I am sorry to break this to everyone . . .

The man had the proper equipment for hunting deer.

(You rattle antlers to simulate male deer in "rut")

Plus, if he was near ANY wooded area, he might have spotted some deer better from the top of his house.

If he was in the middle of town, THEN that is looney.

Yet, I understand the amusement.

(I do not hunt, but non-immediate members of my family are avid hunters.)
Lydell (Lydell)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 8:25 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Yeah Jerry, when my husband came home he explained it to me. The new moon means that the deer are moving around during daylight hours. They rattle the antlers, as you said, to simulate a male deer marking his territory by rubbing his antlers against a tree. Any other male deer in the area supposedly sticks it's head up to see who's bragging.

But I still don't get the bit about being dressed in camo...I mean come on, he's walking around on top of his roof and the deer aren't supposed to see him?

He also mentioned that he's been watching "a biggun" for several nights with his night vision scope. Now that gives me a nice warm feeling when I take the dog out for a walk in the dark. eee

Anyway, yes we DO live in the country. You just see some unusual things when you live in the country.

But then again, I guess I really shouldn't say anything. For all I know he was the guy driving down a dirt road in the neighborhood a few years back around 11 at night, and came upon the site of my whole family, and an extra youngun or two laying smack in the middle of the road looking at a meteor shower. Hey now! There was less chance of laying smack on top of a fire ant mound in the road. Oh my word, I've lived here so long I'm going native!
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 8:50 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Maybe he's on his rooftop because he still thinks it's Christmas Eve and he's really waiting for some raindeer to be flying by so he can shoot him a raindeer or two. How about Blitzen and Roudloph? BTW, I lived W-A-Y out in an isolated rural area for many years. Yes, it is true-country folks can be goofy and it's o.k. but a lot of those country folks if they were in an urban area would really draw attention to themselves. I had neighbors down the street who went out every night to UFO watch. I had mostly really nice country folks in my area but truly most had their quirks but then, don't we all?
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 10:18 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I guess I'll put this under "humor" because I don't have a clue what other topic it would fall under. I want you to know this is a totally true story and I personally know everyone involved in this story. I will not say names. Around 35 years ago a set of parents and all 11 of their children, people from my community, were converted to SDA. The kids were all just that, still kids, in high school and in elementary school. One of the older boys grew up to be a local drug dealer. My dearest and closest friend (she still is my dearest and closest friend) knew this young man quite well, often babysitting his child. It was no secret at all in the local SDA church that this fellow was a prominant drug dealer in our area. He explained to me one time that he just couldn't make enough money at his day job to pay his childs tuition to the local Academy and he needed a cash paying, tax free side job for that expense. The local Adventists were all just so happy that he was willing to risk so much (like going to prison, etc.) so his kid could have a church school education. Well, I was over my friends house one Friday afternon and Mr. Drug Dealer comes by with his child, who at that time was in the second grade. He asked my friend to babysit his boy for awhile so he could go out and earn some money. Of course she was cool with watching the kid. Before he left my friend asked if she could feed his child dinner as the rest of the children (hers and mine) hadn't had supper yet. Well, Mr. Drug Dealer said his boy could eat but his boy was NOT to have anything made with pork or anything that had any lard in it. My friend (Catholic) then as well as all these years later still can't figure that out. This fellow was selling some very unhealthful substances to his customers but his own child wasn't allowed to eat a balogna sandwich. But, keep reading because the best is yet to come. This same man would tell all his doper cliants they had better purchase enough drugs before Friday sunset to get them through Saturday becuse it was against his religion to work between Friday sunset and Saturday sunset. He gave the illistration of Moses with the manna, that the Isrealites had to gather enough manna on Friday to get them through the Sabbath. Thoe poor suffering drug addicts would call him and pleed with him on Saturdays to bring them some of what they needed to get them thrugh the day and he wouldn't do it. But, I don't think he ever missed a Saturday taking his boy to Sabbath School and the two of them would stay for the sermon and then even stay for the potluck. My best friend, still to this day, says that doesn't make any sense at all to her since what he was doing was illegial anyway. She has asked me why is it more important to not work on the Sabbath than it is to abide by the laws. I know many of the folks in that congreation knew what this man was doing. I had some people who were/are very dear to me tell me that it was wonderful that he never forgot the truth of the Sabbath or the truth of the unclean meats with raising his boy. These same people told me it was very noble of him to bring his kid to church every week as the church was for sinners and not for saints. Colleen, I think from knowing your location you probably know some kin to this man. Some after they grew up went on to college at Loma Linda and ended up stying in that area. Anyway, the above is a 100% totally true story.
Lydell (Lydell)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 7:19 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

speechless!
Denisegilmore (Denisegilmore)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 8:20 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I'm not speechless...I believe it! :)

Sounds about right from some of the stuff I've seen as well.

Peace to all,

Denise
Jerry (Jerry)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 8:24 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I see, Susan 2.

Um, Er . . . Letís see, now. So - - if I want to go into a life of crime, so long as I tithe my drug money, donít kill on the Sabbath, and donít steal any pork, Iíll be just fine. 144,000, here I come. . .

Yeah, thatís it. Let me make a note on that.


Arrrrrgggghhh!!!!!!
Denisegilmore (Denisegilmore)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 8:39 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Ummm, Jerry...it's not THAT simple for even though you can't steal the pork..ya can't eat any either. Sorry guy. Really, I am.

:::::snicker:::::

Denise
Susan_2 (Susan_2)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 8:48 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

This is also a true story. My second born son (bless his heart) has been in and out of trouble since he was very young. In fact, him and the above mentioned child in my drug dealer SDA post, those two boys were in the same classes at the local SDA school. Well, several years ago my son was in the state prison up the street from my house. My dad went to visit his grandson every Friday. One Friday as we were visiting my son my dad leaned over and told my boy, "I'm sure they must serve pork in here. You don't eat it do you"? At which point my son assured his grandpa that he would never stoop so low as to touch a morsal of pork to his lips. On the way home my dad was jubeliant with the assurance that his namesake (yes that's the one I named after my dad) would be alright with regards to eternal life because of his high standards. The good news is that my son is nearly off his parole, he'working over 50 hours per week and seems to be really towing the line. Praise God. Oh, and I saw him eat a bacon cheesburger recently!
Colleentinker (Colleentinker)
Posted on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 3:11 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Amazing--but somehow predictable! But, Susan, what good news about your second son. God wastes nothing in our lives, and he redeems everything we submit to him. My prayers for you and your family continue.

Colleen

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