| Author | Message | ||
| Brad_2 (Brad_2) |
The river began to rise in a country village and the water began to flood in the basement of a very religious mans house. The people asked him what he was going to do. He said that he was just going to trust and believe in God. Later the water rose and was half way up the main floor of his house and some people came buy in a boat and said get in we will get you out of here. But the man said no thanks Iím just going to trust in God. After a while the water rose to the top of the roof and the whole family stood out there on the roof and another boat came by and the people offer a ride but the man refused and said that he was still trusting in God, but they talked him into letting his family go with they in the boat. Later on the water rose and all that was left of the house was the chimney with the man standing on the top of it. A helicopter flew by and they said we will lower a basket down to you to get you out of there. The man looked up and said no thatís okay Iím trusting that God will get me out of here. Anyway the water continued to rise and the man downed and went to heaven and as the Father said, welcome my son come on in to my Kingdom. Then the man asked why did you not help me and let me down in the river. God said well my son I sent you two boats and a helicopter but you turn them down. | ||
| Sabra (Sabra) |
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed. On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh). On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again. On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years! No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained! | ||
| Clay (Clay) |
Four clergy ( a SDA, a Rabbi, a Baptist, a Catholic priest ) lived in a poor area and they decided to buy one car and share it between them to save money. They purchased an old can and met to decide how to chrisen it for its new work. The Priest decided to baptise it by sprinkling. They all went along with it. The Baptist said "get in men" and drove out to a country rode that went through a stream and drove fast through the stream to baptise it properly. The Rabbi got his hack saw and cut off 1 inch from the tail-pipe to circumcise it. The SDA was not to be outdone and took the car to a local garage to have a 27 point check-up done on it. HAAAAAAAAAA!! Ha!!! | ||
| Sabra (Sabra) |
LOL!!!!!!!!! I bet he was sure to put some extra baggage in the trunk too! | ||
| Brad_2 (Brad_2) |
Not to mention washing the outside while leaving the interior in a mess | ||
| Carol_2 (Carol_2) |
OK, you guys are cracking me up! Wonder how far this can go???? | ||
| Susan_2 (Susan_2) |
Have any of you out there seen the advisement that came from the adventist book center advertising the new goodies for purchase at campmeeting? It's just too funny. They now have jigsaw puzzles that depict various scenes from the life of Ellen White. These jigsaw puzzles are advertised as a wonderful family activity for a Sabbath afternoon. Oh, what will they come up with next? | ||
| Freeatlast (Freeatlast) |
which scenes? | ||
| Colleentinker (Colleentinker) |
Good question!! That idea is funny from so many different angles: her messages are a puzzle to put together, much less understand; just think of some of the less publicized moments of her life depicted in a Sabbath afternoon jigsaw puzzle--i.e. selling reform dress patterns, the Damian trial, collecting her royalty checks, eating oysters behind a screen-- I'd better stop now! Colleen | ||
| Susan_2 (Susan_2) |
There are two puzzles. One is her as a young woman caught up in vision and the other one is her out in a senic nature scene. Both are very well plublicised pictures of Ellen white. I will see if there are any extras of those adds at the church tomorrow when I take my mom and let you know. Or, better yet, the adventist book center has a toll free #. You all can get the ad booklet yourselves by calling the ABC and requesting you be sent one. Yeah, like I can think of nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon than putting together jigsaw puzzles of Ellen White! Like, who comes up with these ideas? Do they have an sda think tank where this sort of thing is thought of? | ||
| Freeatlast (Freeatlast) |
I remember vividly the entire wall of the entryway at Sligo Elementary being painted with a scene of Jesus and little children. That picture would have made an awesome puzzle! I can't remember the artist's name, but I seem to recall him being an SDA. I also believe he did many of the illustrations in the Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories series. I believe I know one of the scenes you are talking about, Susan. Is she standing, arms outstretched, receiving "light from the throne" (literally in the picture, figuratively in SDA history). If this isn't ellenolatry, I don't know what is. A graven image of Ellen, how ironic... She would roll over in her grave if her soul weren't asleep. She is free of jewelry or other adornment/ornamentation in both of these scenes, I presume? | ||
| Susan_2 (Susan_2) |
You can go to www.watchthetower.com (org?) and there it shows a picture that the Watchtower Society has plagerized from one of the SDA kids books. I'm not sure if it is from the Bible Stories or from Uncle Arthurs stories but it's been plagerized from a sda book for kids into a jw book for jw kids. When I say that I just figured, "well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black! egw plagerized so much it only seems fair to let the jw's plagerize from the sda books. both organizations are totally wacked so why not just be cool with it?" | ||
| Colleentinker (Colleentinker) |
That artist was Harry Anderson. Ironically, he painted a series of large murals for the visitor's center of the Mormon church in Salt Lake City. I remember gazing at them with amazement years ago when I visited there--as an Adventist, of course! I remember feeling superior as I realized that he might have agreed to paint a commissioned job for the Mormons, but he was ONE OF US, the true church! My goodness, how different that whole experience looks now! Colleen | ||
| Jerry (Jerry) |
ROTFLUID (rolling on the floor, laughing until I disintegrate) Ellenolatry!! You know, that reminds me of an e-mail conversation I had with a fervent Adventist, recently. In one of the e-mails, he tried to impress me with a massive string of Bible quotes mixed in with several EGW quotes. Of course, the EGW quotes were cited with the same type of abbreviated notation as the Bible verses. I laughed heartily when I read it. First, because the Bible quotes were consistently taken out of context, narrowly interpreted, and wildly slanted away from the original intent of the verse. Second, because it was evident that the EGW quotes were presented with the same (or better) ěreverenceî and ěauthorityî as the Bible verses. In fact, as most here would understand, the EGW quotes were the ětopper,î the ěfinal word,î and the ěultimate argument winnerî as usual. I chided him for his transparent mistakes. No doubt, he did not see my point. | ||
| Colleentinker (Colleentinker) |
No doubt! At least you truly try, Jerry. You do ask them some hard questions; your observations are certainly not easy for them to answer without some unsettling thoughts! Colleen | ||
| Terryk (Terryk) |
Freeatlast is that Sligo Maryland you were refering to? I am stuck here with not amny being from this area close by. I perked up to see that name. Well just wondering. | ||
| Freeatlast (Freeatlast) |
Yes indeedy, Terry. I went there, as well as Sligo Church, from 1st thru 4th grades back in the early 70's. | ||
| Terryk (Terryk) |
Are you still in the area or have you moved? | ||
| Freeatlast (Freeatlast) |
I moved out of the area after the 4th grade. I have many fond memories and have come back for extended visits from time to time. Ah yes, growing up in the "Adventist Ghetto"... ;>) | ||
| Seekr777 (Seekr777) |
i'm sure many may have heard this story before, I know I have, but I'd love to share it again. It is filled with a "brand" of Holy humor. May you each be blessed! ! Richard ___________________________________________________________ There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order." She contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?". Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork ... the best is yet to come." The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork." Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share ... being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility. |
