| Author | Message | ||
| Goldenbear Registered user Username: Goldenbear Post Number: 29 Registered: 12-2004 |
Praise God, My wife and I told our college age daughter (still at Walla Walla) about our decision to process out. She was glad! Particularly after we had worked in the SDA education system and she had "seen how the church really treats people." Backbiting, discourtesy, pettiness. She was pretty much through with it. This had been a real worry for us. How she would take it. We haven't discussed religion much with her as a family unfortunately. I guess that was God keeping us from reinforcing the wrong message. She mentioned that there was a pastor from another church that had spoken in one of their classes at Walla Walla and she really liked what he had to say, and the description of their worship service. He talked about how they had grown the church from just a couple 100 to over a 1000. She just hadn't gone because it was on Sunday. We encouraged her to study this for herself and make a decision on her relationship with Jesus. We spent time telling her how the gospel, when viewed without that "white" filter says so much more, and take us so much further with our relationship with Jesus. We want to serve him because of what he did for us, not for what he is expecting us to do. Please pray for her and for our family, that God will continue to lead us closer to him. Thank you to all who have posted their stories that give courage and support to those that are processing out of this. Still haven't told my family, 3rd generation SDA and don't want her to have a stroke. I think that it will be frustrating telling family and freinds in the church because they will always try to "win" you back. Oh well. | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 506 Registered: 7-2003 |
Goldenbear, it's impossible to say what a great impact your honesty with your daughter may have. Fear, especially fear of family, is a very powerful force that often dictates our behavior. By being honest about this with your daughter and planting the seeds of the Gospel at just this time, you may have removed the fear factor that would keep her from exploring worship with "non-SDA" Christians and examining historic Christian doctrine. If Mom and Dad are on this journey, at the least, it makes historic Christianity something worth looking into. And now she is free to look into these matters further withour fear of what Mom and Dad might say. May the Lord give you wisdom as you continue to interact with your daughter. May the Lord guide her into an ever deepening realtionship with Jesus. In praying these things, I am confident, based on scripture, that I am praying in the Lord's will. I am confident that the Lord is at work in your family. Chris | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1141 Registered: 12-2003 |
Goldenbear, what a wonderful Christmas present you gave your daughter! As Chris said, she is now free to pursue Jesus without fear of what you and your wife will think. Our older son, who was 15 when we left, says now that he associates our leaving with freedom and the beginning of a completely new life. There were some other things happening in his life at the same time, but leaving Adventism propelled him into a new environment and reality that has completely changed him. I pray for you and your family, Goldenbear, and I'm praising Him for what He is doing! Colleen | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 281 Registered: 7-2004 |
Goldenbear, I am sooo very excited to hear your wonderful Christmas story. What a perfect time of year to share your love for God's grace with your daughter. My family and I live in Walla Walla. I would love to meet your daughter. If she would like to meet someone else who is checking out Sunday churches, please contact Colleen for my email address (and ask Colleen about me...I think she will give you a positive character reference...  We go back a few years...!). We are in the process of leaving together as a family (I have been praying for this for several years!). We went to a Sunday church for the first time here in Walla Walla just a few weeks ago. It was WONDERFUL. We really do enjoy the first service at the College Church but still hear a few "old time SDA themes" even with the "celebration" style of worship. My children would welcome a "big sister" into their lives and my husband and I enjoy young adults. We know several other WWC students and have them over occasionally for a home away from home. Please do email! It would be a "treat" to meet sometime when you come to visit. | ||
| Bob Registered user Username: Bob Post Number: 9 Registered: 7-2000 |
We parents often anticipate a stronger reaction from our young adult SDA children than we actually get when we tell them we are leaving the church. I think this is because they too have experienced the spiritual emptiness and irrelevance of most SDA worship services, and are more open and willing to considering other spiritual and religious options. The SDA's public relations efforts over the last few decades have so obscured the real nature and teachings of the church that many of the young people do not really know the doctrines, and therefore do not take them seriously - which makes it easier for them to leave the church! When my son was going through the "exit process" from Adventism after I had done so, I said to him, "You may find it extremely difficult to make the break when so many of your childhood and school friends are still SDA." He replied, "Dad, that isn't a problem for me. Most of my close friends have also left the SDA church." I thought then, the denomination's projected image of appearing like all the other Christian churches has actually undermined its efforts to retain its young people! God is overruling the deception, and is drawing His own out of their midst. | ||
| Bob Registered user Username: Bob Post Number: 10 Registered: 7-2000 |
An addendum to my comments above. To my complete surprise, the book that had the strongest influence on my son when he was seriously reexamining SDA teachings was D.M. Canright's book on the life of Ellen G. White, written in the early 1900s! Rather than considering Canright's book stale and totally outdated, my son viewed it as a "primary source" and therefore possibly more reliable than the works of later authors. He later went on to read Dale Ratzlaf's books, and he listened to Mark Martins tapes, but it was Canright who first grabbed his attention! | ||
| Susan_2 Registered user Username: Susan_2 Post Number: 1261 Registered: 11-2002 |
That is an amazing story, Goldenbear. I think as a parent sharing that with your daughter can only make the parent/child relationship more bonded. Where I attend church (Lutheran) I have made friends with a couple in which the husband was raised SDA, what I refer to s Super SDA. He has told me his parents were in great need, in poverty as he was a child growing up. They went without necessities so the parents could pay the tuition for the children to go through SDA schools. So after high school he joined the military and turned his back on God, church and religion. (He is probably in his late 60's.) His paents, siblings, other kin always hoped he'd come back to the truth (in SDA lngo that means the SDA church). Then he joined the Lutheran church many many years ago. It's sad because the family now knows he's had the truth presented to him and he's rejected it an the result is that his family as for the most part has dispowned him. The will only contact he has is in case of dire need, family emergency. We talk alot together after church. He seems to be the only one there that understands what I'm talking about. My point here is that each SDA family in the situtation as many of us on here are in and the man I know from church, it is somehow implied by the SDA denomination that the individual families with a "former" is a rare exception to the norm within SDA'ism. When the reality would be that I'll bet most the SDA families have at least one "former" who had the SDA the religion througout the generations. SDA's say they don't shun. Maybe shunning would not be the word for it. Yet, if someone who was raised SDA leaves Adventism it's for sure the SDA loved ones make their disapprovial known. That's one reason this forum is so important. I'm happy to hear about your talk with your daughter, Goldenbear. Good going! | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 859 Registered: 3-2004 |
Goldenbear, Praise God!!! It is so good to hear about your daughter. I will add her to my prayer list. My adult son learned about God's grace long before I did. It was in 1993 or earlier. He learned it from an SDA minister who eventually left the SDA church. When he shared the truth with me I was very sick with chronic fatigue syndrome and did not comprhend it, but I did not criticize him. When I wrote and told him what I had learned after reading the NT earlier this year, and all the things I learned from the internet, his reply was, "Mom I learned that a long time ago". Please pray for him, as his membership is still with the SDA church, but he does not attend their church. God is awesome with all He does. Diana | ||
| Goldenbear Registered user Username: Goldenbear Post Number: 30 Registered: 12-2004 |
Dd, thanks for your offer. I would love to meet with you when we are over in WW. Don't know how to contact Colleen. I would appreciate input here. | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 282 Registered: 7-2004 |
You can email Colleen at formeradventist@yahoo.com. I'm looking forward to finally meeting other "formers" face to face! | ||
| Windmotion Registered user Username: Windmotion Post Number: 87 Registered: 6-2001 |
I have an impending problem here. My niece visited her grandpa (the same guy who is my daughters grandpa and the same guy who is a historical adventist) and she came back saying she couldn't eat meat any more because parasites live in meat that bore holes into your brain. Now this grandpa dude is a DOCTOR for gosh sakes. Now her (adventist) mother has been letting her eat meat, although she would prefer not to. I could tell she was a little perturbed her daughter was spouting this information like she was trying to save the world. (She is 7) The mother is backslidden in quite a few areas. Anyway, we are going to see my husband's dad for New Year's and I was wondering how to let him know I never want my daugher hearing this or anything similar from him. Should I let him know ahead of time, or should I wait until something comes up? Just your thoughts. I'm very concerned about this. BTW my husband says wait until something comes up and let him deal with it, but i'm not sure. I will be in Kennewick, Dd, but I don't know how I could get away at all, although I would love to meet you. They live out in the middle of nowhere, and are very domineering, so I don't know how I could sneak away to see you. Maybe another time. :-) | ||
| Lydell Registered user Username: Lydell Post Number: 661 Registered: 7-2000 |
Windmotion, don't know how old your child is, but have you considered talking to your daughter first? Let her know that grandpa has some odd, well actually just downright goofy ideas about food. He claims what he says is from experts, but according to the Bible he is wrong. Show her the verse that tells her that eating meat is okay according to God! who is certainly a better authority than Grandpa. That way you get your shot in at putting her on a solid foundation before she hears garbage from him, OR from the cousin now. | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 509 Registered: 7-2003 |
Windmotion, I think Lydell has given very good advice indeed. Ultimately, you're not going to be able to control how Grandpa acts or talks. You might get him to temporarily moderate how he talks to your children, but sooner or later he'll communicate his deeply held beliefs to them (especially since he probably feels a burden to share "truth" whether or not you like the "truth"). Knowing this, all of us parents who have SDA relatives need to give our kids the Biblical tools to evaluate what they hear from those relatives. What Mom and Dad say will carry a lot of weight with our children, especially if we take the time to teach straight from the Bible in words our children can understand. We will further equip our children if we keep Christ at the center of everything we present and then teach them to be skeptical of any system that puts any other person or thing at the center of their teaching. Providing a strong Christian worldview to our children early will not only help them assess what they are told by SDA relatives, but will also help them sort through the messages the world will be bombarding them with for the rest of their lives. Now that I understand my duty in this area, I truly wish that I had started earlier. Chris | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 284 Registered: 7-2004 |
Windmotion (Hannah), Unfortunately at this time in my children's lives they have overexposure to Adventism. I say unfortunately, but really I believe they are fortunate. Because of "the situation", I am fighting for their spiritual lives more than I otherwise would. I "preach" grace and love and acceptance and grace and grace... They know all the "rules" that Grandmas and Grandpa and Aunts and Uncles and cousins...live by. I am very open that "this is what they believe______ BUT this is what God's Word says and what I believe______". The extended family knows we are not "good at keeping Sabbath." But my kids know we keep Sabbath in Jesus every single day, every single minute. The extended family believes eating pork is sinful. But my kids know that Peter was shown by God in Acts that God at the cross cleansed the sins of the Jews and Gentiles. His restrictions are no longer necessary (Acts 10:15 and 1John 1:9). My husband and I have agreed that living our life with Christ and teaching our kids what God directs us to live in the Bible is the the best way to combat the SDA "truths" our children are exposed to. What better way to "witness" to grandpa then for his 7 year old grandchild to respond to "truths" with "Oh Grandpa, the Bible tells me that over and over that Jesus is all I need." I will be praying for your safe trip (our roads are slick with freezing rain this morning) and for the spiritual saftey of your children. I also am looking forward to meeting you when you are in the area. It needs to be a time when you are comfortable and the situation is right. Until then, I am glad we have the forum! | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1147 Registered: 12-2003 |
Hannah, I agree with Lydell, Chris, and Dd. Equipping your kids with Scripture and confidence in Jesus is the best form of protection. It's also important to be truthful with them. Sometimes we think we can't say anything "negative" to them about the adults in their lives--especially family--out of loyalty. But if our kids perceive something odd or "not right" about these people, and we just tell them to be respctful and and never acknowledge our kids' discomfort, we are giving them double messages. We have to affirm the truth to them. They will sense it whether or not we tell them the truth. If we verbalize the truth to them, they won't feel so crazy, and they'll be able to respond to potential problems momre objectively. There is great freedom in truth! Colleen | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 862 Registered: 3-2004 |
I am all for the things Lydell, Chris, Dd and Colleen have said. But, knowing me, I would carry it a step further. In a loving way I would tell the Grandparent that I would appreciate it if they would not tell my kids things like that. I would emphasize that I am the parent and I am responsible for their upbringing. IF the person does not stop, I would tell them, that they can only see the child in my presence and if they persist, not at all. But that is me. Diana | ||
| Windmotion Registered user Username: Windmotion Post Number: 88 Registered: 6-2001 |
Thank you very much for your kind thoughts. My daughter turned 2 recently, so I have awhile before what he says would have an impact, still I would like to nip it in the bud ... This guy is very anti-meat. He said while we were visiting that Altzheimers is caused by mad cow disease. He said mad cow is in the milk and the cheese, but later he ate ice cream. LOL. I think he is a conflicted person in many areas. I think Adventistm has disappointed him in a lot of ways, but he sees the problems as lying in the denomination and not in the core teachings. I heard he started his own church years ago, but it dwindled away. If your family is historical adventist, Dd, they likely know him. I can send you his name in email if you like. I will have to ask Colleen for your address b/c I don't think she has my current one. Anyway, this has been an interesting past few days, although a lot of the snow melted while we were there. --Hannah | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 288 Registered: 7-2004 |
Hannah, More than likely my husband and I will know who your FIL is...email Colleen your address and she will forward it on or give you mine...(thanks, Colleen for all you do ). I hope noone here is sick of me spouting this off...BUT...Hannah, I highly recommend you and your daughter attend BSF together. It is such a great Biblical foundation for her (and you, too!). Her heart is only safe in the arms of Jesus! My husband and I are in the process of making some HUGE life altering changes just to keep our children's hearts grounded in Him and Him ONLY. |
