| Author | Message | ||
| Freeatlast Registered user Username: Freeatlast Post Number: 290 Registered: 5-2002 |
I have come to the point where I have to simply surrender my family to Jesus and trust Him with them. He brought me out of Seventh-day Adventism, it is His responsibility to bring them out (or not) as He sees fit according to His own purpose, and in His own time. Not mine... It is agonizing at times. I have not been able to have a spoken conversation with my parents in over three years, and I have had to stop even writing letters because they seem to do more harm than good. They have become as dead to me. All I can do now is appeal to the same Spirit that brought me out to do the same for them. Maybe someday we can reconcile, but I'm not counting on it. Life goes on. They are the ones missing out, not me. Praise God! | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 647 Registered: 7-2003  |
Freeatlast, when I read stories like yours or Esthers it just makes me think, "The amount of shunning and suffering that former SDAs experience should be the first clue to all that Adventism is anything but evangelical." Why isn't this more clear to those who have never been SDAs? Chris | ||
| Bobalou Registered user Username: Bobalou Post Number: 1 Registered: 2-2005 |
Hi, I am Bob and new to posting, but not new to reading all the wonderful messages that are posted to help ease the tramma of transitioning out of the SDA wringer. Esther, I truly empathize with what you are going through at this, should be, wonderful time of your life. You do not deserve to be treated the way you have been. You surely have my suport. It took me 3 years to finally make the decision to start fellowshipping with believers. I went through every emotion possible. I could write a book. If only family and friends would seek Jesus before putting their tongues in gear only love would radiate from them. You have chosen to reject belief in their system and they without the Lord's guidance reacted in the wrong manner. It is their loss. My opinion would be to not try at this time to explain any further your new beliefs to your family and friends. Give all a cooling off period. This will give you time to fortify yourself and your thoughts and then at a later time, if you have the opportunity, in love tell them. Just a loving example will melt their objections. I will be praying for you. Keep smilin. B P. S. I want to, with my deepest thanks, tell FAF how much it means that you are here for us. Your inspirational posts have helped in more ways than you could imagine. Had I posted during my transition maybe it would not have been so difficult. | ||
| Susan_2 Registered user Username: Susan_2 Post Number: 1513 Registered: 11-2002 |
Dear Bob, I would like to be the first to extend a hearty welcome. You are among friends. I hope you do write that book as I would like to read it. | ||
| Bobalou Registered user Username: Bobalou Post Number: 2 Registered: 2-2005 |
HI, I am Bob and new to posting, but not new to reading all the wonderful inspiring posts from all here who have been through the SDA wringer. My heart goes out to you Esther. At first it seems like a lonely trek and many obstructions to climb over. Family and friends do not understand how to deal with with rejection. You have rejected belief in their system. If they would only ask Jesus how He would react, only love would radiate. It is sad the way we are treated, but the journey is well worth our effort. I don't know if I am a good example, but it was 3 years before I had any interest in joining with believers. I studied, meditated, got angry and I guess showed every emotion imaginable. I could write a book. Pray often, give thanks for delivery, make yourself smile even when down, and keep a possitive attitude that you made the right decision, even if others can't comprehend at this point. You have a life time to be a witness to your family and friends. I personally think it is best not to further discuss with them why you made the decision to leave at this juncture. Time heals and time gives you an opportunity to fortify yourself for the right time. Your friend in Christ. I am praying for you. B P. S. Thanks FAF for being here for all of us. You are doing a wonderful service and are a great sounding board. If I had posted early on my transition may have been easier. | ||
| Bobalou Registered user Username: Bobalou Post Number: 3 Registered: 2-2005 |
Hi Susan, thanks for your welcome. I am sorry for posting twice. I thought I had lost the first one, so I tried to put my thoughts together again. Maybe you can get one complete message from both. This is not the best way to get started posting. B | ||
| Carol_2 Registered user Username: Carol_2 Post Number: 261 Registered: 2-2002  |
Welcome Bob! It's so great seeing all the newcomers! I know what you mean about FAF....don't know what I would have done these past three years without all the FAF gang. You will continue to find great support here, and we look forward to hearing more from you! | ||
| Esther Registered user Username: Esther Post Number: 134 Registered: 5-2004  |
Thanks everyone for the support! It's not that I'm shaken or anything...and I'm so thankful for what God has done in our lives. It's just nice to vent for a moment with people who you know understand the situation. No one else gets it, ya know? Chris, I love that quote of Martin Luther. Funny thing, this weekend for some strange reason as I was flipping channels I stopped at 3abn and watched a Mark Finley presentation. It was on the Waldensians...and contained the usual SDA errors. However it was also very moving for me as he quoted several segments from the martyrs and how they moved beyond their fathers and were willing to risk all to follow Christ. It was something I wished everyone of you could see. It's even posted on the It Is Written web site. It brought me to tears as I though about the ramification of if he would just apply what he was saying to the current church. And my favorite snip from Luther is, "here I stand. I can do no other." BTW. Welcome to the forum Bob! We're glad you're here! | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1055 Registered: 3-2004  |
Esther, My prayer book has your name in it with your folks. God has carried you and will continue to carry you in His wonderful, awesome arms. And He will do the same for you folks. Bob, Welcome to FAF. I have been writing on here since I found it about it a year ago. The people here have been so kind and I do appreciate each one of them. So keep coming back with your questions and prayer requests. God is awesome. Diana | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1417 Registered: 12-2003  |
Bob, welcome to the forum! We're glad you're here, and we'll enjoy hearing more of your story. Chris, your observation about the shunning and the mystery that it hasn't alerted the Christian community to the cultic nature of the church is one of the mysteries I ponder also. That alone should tell them Adventism isn't "normal" Christianity! Richard had a great quotable quote spoken to him last week. He had a conversation at work with an Adventism pastor whom we've known for a long time. This person is quite erudite and educated and is confident in his knowledge of Biblical languages and scholarship. He is nonplussed over our moving from Adventism to evangelicalism, a move he considers backward. (He is, to say the least, quite liberal in his theology.)He asked Richard what he found in evangelicalism that he hadn't found in Adventism. Richard responded that for one thing, he now has security in Jesus that he is saved. The pastor acknowledged that Adventism "hasn't done too well" (or words to that effect) in that area. Later, Richard commented that he had grown up in a very fundamentalist Adventist home, and he was enjoying the freedom of the gospel. The pastor responded, "So, really, you've gone back to your roots. You grew up fundamentalist Adventist, and you've returned to a fundamentalist church." Richard said there really wasn't much more he could say after that. "I'm sure he'll be telling people, though, that he's finally figured out that former Adventists are just returning to their roots," he said to me later. Cultic? Yes. There's just no way an Adventist can believe a person could honestly leave Adventism without self-serving motives. Praise Jesus for giving us Himself--and giving us a new identity in Him! Colleen | ||
| Tdf Registered user Username: Tdf Post Number: 42 Registered: 11-2004 |
Going back to the subject of families' reactions to the news that we no longer consider ourselves SDA, I had a brief conversation with my dad last night (as I mentioned in an earlier post, my wife and I shared with my parents a few weeks ago that we didn't believe many of the core beliefs of the SDA church and that we would no longer regularly attend an SDA church). Last night's conversation was the first time we'd heard from my dad since our first awful conversation with my parents. I was shocked when I realized that he had called last night to apologize for being so hurtful (he had yelled at my wife telling her that our daughter was going to hell because of this and said many, MANY other hurtful things). He made it clear last night that he still believed that we were making a decision that would cost us our salvation, but he indicated that he didn't want to miss out on having a relationship with us. Although there was plenty about last night's conversation that we could fixate on and feel bad about, we are simply grateful that he appears to be trying to reach out to us rather than pull away from us. I realize that things will probably never be the same between us, but I believe that family is important and I want to maintain a relationship with them if at all possible. I suppose only time will tell. Now, we face the ominous task of talking with my wife's parents (eeeeeekkkkkk!!!!!). Thank you so much to all of you have been praying for us as we go through this difficult but exciting chapter of our lives. tdf | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1424 Registered: 12-2003 |
TDF, our prayers for you continue. You so aptly summed up the transitional time: a "difficult but exciting chapter of our lives." So very true. I'm sorry about your parents, but I'm glad to hear your dad apologized. You're right--it's possible that your relationship will be permanently altered, but you will be OK! One thing I'm beginning to realize is that in the cases of the relationships that have been permanently changed by our leaving Adventism, there usually were already some seeds of "unreality" or refusal to walk in the acknowledgment of truth in one's personal lives before the break with Adventism exposed the fear of truth. Truth, I'm finding, is the watershed that unites or divides people. So many people want their lives to be calm and uncluttered with human "messiness". There is a profound resistance to really knowing what is real about one's life in people who avoid confrontation or conflict resolution. There's nothing more devastating to a relationship than the attitude that says, "I don't want to deal with what's happened; let's just go on as if the past never happened." But I digress. Praise God for truth and for His faithfulness. He is enough. Colleen | ||
| Thomas1 Registered user Username: Thomas1 Post Number: 164 Registered: 4-2002  |
The shunning or separation that comes from leaving is the hardest part. Like so many, my early life was totally "the church". Now, after being out for 22 years, I find there is no one to share the memories of childhood, school, even youth with. Those I know weren't part of that life and the ones who were simply don't wish to be part of my life, or if they are, the relationship is so strained that conversation is very limited. Jesus said that when you follow Him, you must stop and count the cost. There really IS a cost. But He is so much richer and fuller than even family. So, we go on into Christian fellowship and pray that those still left behind will find Him and Follow Him. Welcome Bob. hope to hear a lot from you In Jesus! <>< Thomas | ||
| Bmorgan Registered user Username: Bmorgan Post Number: 17 Registered: 7-2000 |
Thomas, I can identify, even though I became an SDA in my teenage years. During that time and after, the relationships I formed were practically ALL Adventist. Since I no longer worship the same way they do, I am either dismissed, ignored or find it very, very had to have any meaningful relations. Huh, I wander! | ||
| Tealeaves Registered user Username: Tealeaves Post Number: 215 Registered: 5-2004 |
FreeAtLast, I was reading your account of your relationship with your parents being damaged by the religious gap. It saddens me. Isn't it interesting how different people view their "rights and responsibilities" as far as religion goes? My husbands family is SDA, the teach at SDA schools, and they have never had a cross word with us over the fact that we are not SDA. (my husband used to be, until I met him.) I think they probably still harbor some resentment over my "corrupting" him. They expressed concern over our impending marriage when we got engaged. But they have been fully supportive since. (At our wedding, the pastor asked the family and friends to stand and pledge to support our marriage in God in every way they could. It meant a lot to us!) As I say, they are very supportive, and even participate in bible study with us, and with our home group, when they visit. They always go to SDA services as well. But they are very respectful about our differences. In turn, we respect their choices. This brings me to another bit of a quandary though... We talk to them about Jesus, and what God is doing in our lives. (they seem a little stymied by that, actually,) but I wonder if we should also be talking to them about why we aren't choosing Adventism? They asked my husband once, and he said "because I studied, and I prayed, and I felt the Lord leading me elsewhere." And they haven't asked since. I sometimes wonder if we should be talking to them more about it. But they do not ask, and so it has never come up. Any thoughts? -tanya- | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1428 Registered: 12-2003 |
I suspect, Tanya, that they'll ask if they really want to know. Since you are talking about Jesus in your life, they are hearing your "witness", so to speak. (And I'm sure they are stymied!) You can pray that if you should say something, God will arrange a time/place and give you the words you should say. Then just wait on Him. Colleen | ||
| Bobalou Registered user Username: Bobalou Post Number: 9 Registered: 2-2005 |
You all have had problems when exiting Adventism. We had ours when entering and during. My wife's family didn't say much, but our relationship changed drastically. We loved to play euchre with them and visit on Saturday. They lived on a farm and I would always help dad with chores. That all stopped because... well you know why. My brother was so opposed that we lost many years of a prior great relationship. The rest of my family thought we were kooks and it was hard going to family functions. Of course we refused to go to any functions on the Sabbath. We drifted away from long friendships because after all they might taint us. If only I had been more grounded in my faith and had studied the Covenants I would have avoided 40 years of bondage. I might add that our pastor didn't know how to help us either because he didn't understand Adventism My Mother lived to be 100 years old. What a blessing it was because I was able to tell her that I had re-found the pure and simple doctrine of Grace and had repudiated legalism. My sister-in-law's brother told me that he had for 40 years been praying that we would be released. He never gave up. He trusted the Lord's promise. boB | ||
| Carol_2 Registered user Username: Carol_2 Post Number: 265 Registered: 2-2002 |
That's a great story Bobalou! Thank you for sharing it. | ||
| Bobalou Registered user Username: Bobalou Post Number: 10 Registered: 2-2005 |
I have had the pleasure of sitting out and looking in for a long time. It has been uplifting to read all of your stories too. Sharing is good for the soul. boB | ||
| Freeatlast Registered user Username: Freeatlast Post Number: 292 Registered: 5-2002 |
Tea, thanks! The funny thing is that I am fine with them choosing to believe in a false prophet and a cultic faith. I can keep my mouth shut and get along if they can. They are the ones who have not been able to accept my leaving Seventh-day Adventism. They believe in their hearts that I am a lost soul and so they simply will NOT stop trying to convert me and my family. It doesn't help that my in-laws are predominantly Catholic (GASP!). They see my extended family as their personal mission field. I have come to the point of realization that, without miraculous intervention by the same Holy Spirit that led me out of SDAism, the cause is hopeless. I cannot be in their presence because I cannot remain silent while they spout cultic doctrine, and my speaking only drives the wedge deeper. My mother is a verbal abuser and disagreement with her is tantamount to rebellion against her. I am a 40-year-old man and my mother still sees fit to berate me for "disobeying" her, can you believe that?! Yet, if I remain silent while they speak these lies about my Lord and Savior, my conscience burns unbearably. I simply cannot NOT speak to the issues when they are on the table before me. I have elected to move along with my life and leave my folks in the capable hands of the Holy Spirit, and ask Him to keep me open to reconciliation should circumstances ever improve. I am not counting on it, but hope in Christ springs eternal... Thanks again for the words of encouragement! |
