| Author | Message | ||
| Lisa_boyldavis Registered user Username: Lisa_boyldavis Post Number: 2 Registered: 3-2005 |
Hi Friends, in a most startling way God took us from our roots this summer and led us to an escape out of Adventism. We are so grateful to Him, and can see His active role in causing us to see the truth, and together as a couple, which is also incredibly amazing, but now are having difficulty adjusting to not ìbelongingî. We have found a wonderful church and are working on relationships, attend a Bible Study, have joined the choir, etcÖ, but something that we didnít realize in itís entirety is to the extent that Adventism provided us with a sence of community. I was heavily into music in college and on, and now on the outside itís so hard to break through the community barriers that give you the feeling of belonging. Jesus is worth any comfort zone that Adventism provided, but it can sure be lonely at times. We lived in the Walla Walla area for some time and to go there now is to be so disconnected with who we use to be. We also lost the real closeness and belonging that came with our extended families. Jesus did say that would happen with embracing the foolishness of the cross. Have any of you experienced that, and how have you found ways to cope? Sincerely, Lisa | ||
| Greg Registered user Username: Greg Post Number: 75 Registered: 2-2005 |
Lisa, welcome to the forum. If you are still near the Walla Walla area, I believe there are some folks from there on this forum. I may be able to connect you with someone if you send me an email: entole@gmail.com Again, welcome. Greg | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1598 Registered: 12-2003  |
Oh, Lisa--your story is my story, down to the music! The break from the SDA culture is still very new and raw for you; just know that you are going through a very real grieving process. When I left I felt as if I were experiencing a divorce; I was losing my identity, my circle of "friends" and professional contacts, my work--and I was also losing a comfortable (if sometimes shallow) relationship even with family. I was depressed and sad. I will never forget the night God spoke to me through the words of the Shaker hymn Simple Gifts, and I realized that, like the song said, I was "turning, turning" to "come 'round right", and that when I finished turning, God would have placed me "in the valley of love and delight." I was overwhelmed to realize that God was taking me someplace I had never been before, and on the way, He was asking me to give up everything I considered to be my identity--musician, writer/reporter, Adventist--EVERYTHING--and be identified only with Him instead. The secret, I have learned and am still learning, is to trust Jesus. Let His word nourish you; let His promises comfort you. Let His Spirit direct you. The most amazing thing I could NEVER have foreseen is that He has brought new experiences and new people into my life, and He has brought love and support into my life that far exceeds anything I ever experienced in Adventism or even from many of the people I considered "family". When we joined our church, we decided just to sit back and not try to "fit in". We decided we would just go and be nourished in the Bible teaching and experience the Holy Spirit touching us as we worshiped. God gradually involved us in small groups and finally planted each of us in men's and womens' ministry involvement where we interact with a few people who care for us and to whom we can be accountable. One of the most painful losses of my entire life has been my major involvement in music. Even before we left the church, God began removing performing from my life. I experienced grief and loss over that that's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been "a musician" almost all their conscious life. I still go and just cry silent tears when I hear a wonderful classical concert, and I can't even explain exactly what the tears are about. They're a mixture of nostalgia, missing performing, loving the music and the deep satisfaction of musical expression, of just plain loving the study of and the act of performing music. Yet, even though I can actually sit here thinking about the whole "music phenomenon" in my life and find that my eyes are filling with tears, I wouldn't change a thing. God has brought new things into my life that I did not in any way prepare for, anticipate, or seek. God Himself has been my preparation and my training. He has placed work and people and service right in front of me--things I simply would not have had the knowledge or foresight to look for--and He equipped me and asked me to follow Him by doing what He brought to me. He has brought people into our lives, and mentors, and experiences through which we've been able to deepen in Jesus and grow in our understanding of His word. He has completely given us new lives with new meaning--and He has done this by giving us Himself. It's OK to grieve, Lisa--there really is much to cry about some days! Relationships with family may be forever altered; relationships with friends may even disappear. The people in your new church will bnot understand your experience because they do not understand that you actually left a cult and have found Jesus--it's astonishing how many Christians do not realize that Adventism is not a mainstream Christian church. But God has not left you alone. He has brought you here, and with us you can question, lament, debrief, and grieve, and WE WILL ALL UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT YOU! God will continue to lead your family into new experiences where you will find He is redeeming your past and giving you new ways to serve, express yourself, and be involved in meaningful relationships. I'm finding that I'm actually content not to be performing music now. I've actually had opportunities to become more involved musically, but I've (astonishingly to me!!) actually refused them because my life has become so full and busy with new things God has brought to me that are even more meaningful than musical performance. And here's the real kicker--I'm finding that music is no longer about performance. It's about worship, and "performance" is no longer really appealing to me. God has given me an unexpected blessing, though--He's given my older son the opportunity to play on the church's worship team. When I watch him at the age of 22 abandoning himself to praising God through his playing (as compared in my mind to the years I drove him around to competitions), I cry all over again at how Jesus wastes nothing and redeems everything we submit to Him. God is beginning the process of redeeming the years the locusts ate, Lisa, and He will startle and delight you with the love and the support and the deep knowledge of Him and the new realtionships and opoportunities He will begin bringing into your life. I SO understand how you are feeling about now! Just know that you are not alone. Jesus is giving you Himself, and He is worth everything He asks us to surrender. With prayers for you, Colleen | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 376 Registered: 7-2004 |
Lisa, I live in the WW area! I am finding other "formers" in this area and we have been meeting periodically together to form our own fellowship in Christ. I would love to have you join us and I know the others would, too. Please contact Colleen Tinker (formeradventist@yahoo.com) and she will share my email with you (thanks, again, Mrs. Tinker!  ) or Greg above, who has offered his help, can give you my email address, too. | ||
| Lisa_boyldavis Registered user Username: Lisa_boyldavis Post Number: 3 Registered: 3-2005 |
Colleen,Dd and Greg, I don't live in Walla Walla, but north of the Seattle Area, but have family in that valley and every time we go there it's like ripping our hearts out as we went to that college, went to camp meeting there as a kid, Ted and I fell in love at WWC, were married in Walla Walla... I even lived there as a 2-5 year old with my parents as my dad went to college there. Yes it is about grief... deep and painful yet refreshing and healing at the same time. Thank you for the powerful testimony. About music, I too have turned down offers to perform. It has to do with living EVERYTHING for God's Glory, and when I hear the Spirit say, "Lisa, wait, it will hurt the ones in the choir who have been here longer, who really need this solo..." I say no thank you. I so miss it, and yet I know I'm in the place God needs me right now. I think the reason I'm wanting to do music so badly right now is that this whole grief thing puts me in a kind of retrospective state I'm not normally in, but as I run to God's Holy and precious Word, and as I lay on my face to God and He fills me with His Spirit, I am filled and I don't crave music quite as much. You have no idea how healing this web site has been for me. I'm telling everyone I know of who has left Adventism (a handful), because really the cultural change is so painful and profound it really takes a small group, or a forum, to start to see that Ted and I are not the only ones going through this You are right, our new church family doesn't have a clue what weíre going through, thatís what makes this web site so important. Thank you for your ministry!!! Lisa | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 720 Registered: 7-2003  |
Welcome Lisa! I identify with your sense of loss completely. Leaving is hard, what you're feeling is something all of us have felt (and still feel sometimes). But hang in there! You may be suprised at the blessings God brings into your life to replace all that you lost. I sometimes feel like Job: Job lost everything, but in the end God restores twice as much to him. The Lord has blessed us greatly with new friends, a new church family, and all the service opportunities we could ever want (including music involvement for my wife). I feel confident God will reward you for your faithfulness in following him against adversity, perhaps in this life, definately in the next. Chris | ||
| Esther Registered user Username: Esther Post Number: 173 Registered: 5-2004  |
Welcome to the forum Lisa! This place has become a haven for sharing the hurts and blessings that we experience as formers. God truly has blessed us, in calling us to Himself. And even though the pain is very real, and the frustrations very rampant, He is always there to refresh your Spirit, and to offer you the assurances that were not available while Adventist. That you are a child of God, and He loves you, and "Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height , nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8) | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 261 Registered: 9-2004 |
Soo glad you are here Lisa.. Everytime we get a new person in the family, my faith grows.. Everytime I talk to the family here already, my faith grows. God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us! Tracey | ||
| Windmotion Registered user Username: Windmotion Post Number: 110 Registered: 6-2001 |
Hi Lisa from South Seattle!! Unlike many on this forum, I was never an adventist. But my husband is a former adventist, and I joined the forum while he was still a member of the denomination. We still have a lot of contact with his family, so it is interesting to come to this forum from time to time and relate. What church were you a member of? I attended the Greenlake church once with my mother-in-law. We are attending the Rainier Avenue Free Methodist church, which is in the middle of a very needy area but is very multi-cultural. Nice to see someone from Seattle! If you want to email me, you can get my address from Colleen as well. Neighborly, Hannah | ||
| Goldenbear Registered user Username: Goldenbear Post Number: 76 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Lisa, Welcome to the forum. One of the nice things to live in a very, very small town is that our church is, check that, was so small that I wasn't traumatized. In fact the church I am no attending is actually bigger than most churches I have attended for some time... oh by the way, do you have a sister named Becky? | ||
| Seekr777 Registered user Username: Seekr777 Post Number: 87 Registered: 1-2003  |
Colleen said: "I'm finding that music is no longer about performance. It's about worship, and "performance" is no longer really appealing to me. God has given me an unexpected blessing, though--He's given my older son the opportunity to play on the church's worship team. When I watch him at the age of 22 abandoning himself to praising God through his playing (as compared in my mind to the years I drove him around to competitions), I cry all over again at how Jesus wastes nothing and redeems everything we submit to Him." Thanks for the testimony you gave. I'm at school right now on break and tears are streaming down my face as i reread it. I feel I'm on a journey and while I'm not a musician at all I love how music has changed me. At church it is now a time to lose myself in abandonment to my Lord and Savior Jesus. I appear shy and unemotional (even reserved) to most yet when I "sing" I tune out all others and it is just me and HIM. Again thanks, I feel like God is peeling away layers of old stuff and revealing day by day who I am in HIM. Richard rtruitt@mac.com |
