| Author | Message | ||
| Jerrodg Registered user Username: Jerrodg Post Number: 1 Registered: 3-2005 |
Hello all, thank you so much for this website. Perhaps I can get some advice, and at least multiple prayers from the users here. My name is Jerrod (pretty obvious I guess) and I was born to Adventist parents. I grew up KNOWING that I was a member of the true church, and never doubted that for a minute - although I did have some doubts about EGW, but chalked that up to being young in high school, and not wanting to do the things she commanded/reccomended. I married an Adventist girl, although neither of us were model Christians. We weren't evil people, our lives just weren't centered around Christ. After 4 years, we got divorced and I moved away from California to Utah. Here I met a Mormon girl, and we started dating. I shared my beliefs with her, and she shared hers with me. After dating for a little while we got married with the understanding that we would raise our kids around both religions. I began taking missionary lessons from the Mormon elders so that she would take Bible studies from an Adventist pastor. As the lessons went, I realized just how far off base they were and used the internet to find research that validated my feelings. I found plenty of it. I then asked my wife if she would please look at the opposite view of her religion. I told her that if she still believed in Mormonism after reading a book entitled The Changing World of Mormonism, then her faith would be stronger. If she then had questions, perhaps she might realize the truth. One Saturday afternoon, while perusing the internet, and actually looking for some SDA literature I came across a website with a differing view of the SDA religion. I almost just pressed the back button, but then I remembered what I told her. If you read and still believe, your faith will be stronger. I never expected that my world would be turned upside down that afternoon. Everything I read made sense to me. I now know that I can't in good faith be an SDA. My problems are this: 1. I live in a portion of Utah where the only churches nearby are JW, or LDS. 2. My wife while having agreed to read the book with me, hasn't yet. I told her when she was ready to let me know, and I wouldn't bug her about it - but I fear she is just going to continue stalling. 3. I can't not tell my family what I believe, as I want them to know the truth. Now I'm not afraid of a verbal tongue lashing, or disownment - but my dad is a part time pastor, and very strong in his faith. My mom is as stubborn as a mule. So, where do I begin with all my loved ones? Thanks again for the website and thank you in advance to those who respond. | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1239 Registered: 3-2004  |
Jerrodg, Welcome to FAF. Pray for all your loved ones, study and read your Bible and pray some more. Remember that all things work together for good to those who Love God. It works, even though at times it seems like God is doing nothing. I have added you and your family to my prayer list. As for your parents, just pray about them for now. You will find support here. You are in a good place here. Just hang on to Jesus. He is all you need. He is awesome. Diana | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 464 Registered: 10-2004  |
Jerrod, welcome to the forum! We're glad you're here. What does your wife think about your giving up Adventism? I'm praying for you and your family, and that you will know how to proceed. That's too bad that you're surrounded by cults; how awful! You might want to check out http://www.calvaryphx.com/, the website of former SDA Pastor J. Mark Martin's church. He started Calvary Community Church in Phoenix over 20 years ago, after he was kicked out of the SDA ministry. You can even watch the services from his church live on the internet at that web site. His sermons are a real blessing and full of the Gospel of grace--you can listen to some good ones of his at http://www.sdaoutreach.org in the audio section.  God bless, Jeremy (Message edited by jeremy on March 21, 2005) | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1643 Registered: 12-2003  |
Welcome, Jerrod! We are really glad you're here. I feel for you in your situation. Since you know how jolting and hard it is to leave the Adventist church, you have some idea of what your wife faces when she begins to explore her Mormonism. Just a hunch--you may need to move from Utah in order to relieve some of the cultural/family pressure before it's all over as well as to settle somewhere that you can bcome part of a healthy church. I echo Diana: pray for your loved ones, and ask God to make truth known to them and to teach you how to talk to them. What does your wife know of your relationship to Adventism right now? Is she aware of your searching? As you grow in your relationship with Jesus, He will have a profound effect on you and your life that your wife will certainly notice. I will also begin praying for you and also for your wife. Stay immersed in God's word and prayer, allowing Jesus to teach you and to grow you in Him. Colleen | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 300 Registered: 9-2004 |
Welcome Jerrod! I am happy for you learning about the wonderful love of Christ and Christ alone. where do you begin with your loved ones? Join the Club, Jerrod. Truthfully, I think you should study for yourself for a while and spend time reading the words of Jesus over and over until they soo resonate in your soul that you know that you know that you know. So your ture faith won't ever be moved. Clearly, He is already doing something in you b/c you no longer fear "what others might say". This is important b/c Jesus warned us that one of the results of coming to Him, was that families would be against each other (not that they don't love one another, but who HE really is would cause disagreements) Mother ag. daughter, father ag. son. The bible talks about putting our confidence in Christ. I personally want you to build a foundation in Christ for yourself for a while. Then say after you have a good ground to stand on, you won't be moved when the winds come. And these people will tell you, storms will come. What's the scripture ? Something about being steadfast, unmoveable. Congratulations in searching for Christ and finding Him. The family of Jesus has been praying for you, Jerrod. you are going to find so much experience and wisdom from the people on this site. Take advatage of it. Some people are in their 20s, some are in their 60's.. This forum is your oyster! They will help you soo much and you will find that it's never too early or too late in what you are learning. God has a plan and we are all right where we are supposed to be. | ||
| Praisegod Registered user Username: Praisegod Post Number: 271 Registered: 3-2004  |
Welcome Jerrod! We are so glad you found us. We lived for five years in Utah and had many wonderful Mormon neighbors. I have to agree with Colleen. Be very in tune as to whether or not you may need to relocate to another area. It's hard for someone to understand who hasn't lived in that environment and I recognize that the Holy Spirit can move and work in any location, but just be sensitive to that possibility. Praise God... | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 136 Registered: 8-2004 |
Jerrod, Welcome to the forum! I second the suggestions here. Pray lots, strengthen your own walk with God. Watch for the opportunities He sends you. He has brought you this far and loves your wife just as much as He loves you! Praying that you will have wisdom to know how to deal with you extended family as well! helovesme2 | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 755 Registered: 7-2003  |
Welcome to FAF Jerrod! Wow, your situation is tough indeed. It's hard enough processing out of Adventism, but you are dealing with two groups that have many similarities and that can only complicate things further. I have prayed for you this morning Jerrod and will continue to do so. I pray that you and your wife will have spiritual unity in your marriage. I pray that that unity will be found in Jesus Christ alone through the power of the Holy Spirit. Chris | ||
| Tdf Registered user Username: Tdf Post Number: 60 Registered: 11-2004 |
Greeting and welcome Jerrod! I agree with Chris. Dealing with your questions about Adventism is hard enough-it's hard to imagine adding the Mormon question to the process. However, I know from personal experience that we serve an amazing and powerful God who can and will shoulder things for us that we couldn't even begin to handle on our own. We'll be praying that you have clarity as you move forward! tdf | ||
| Jerrodg Registered user Username: Jerrodg Post Number: 2 Registered: 3-2005 |
I appreciate the prayers, and request them be continued. Last night my wife and I finally got down to addressing my concerns. All it has done so far is cause arguments. She says she has no problem with me being of a different religion with her, but insists she will raise our kids (we don't have any yet, but she wants some) to be her religion. I don't know if I can in good conscience just stand by and watch that. Not having kids isn't an issue, as she made it clear that if I refuse to have kids, that is grounds for divorce. | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 142 Registered: 8-2004 |
Jerrod, I will definitely keep praying for you. This is a tough subject and one I'm currently dealing with with my own spouse and kids. Did you ever agree that she would get to raise the kids in 'her' religion? So far as I know, neither parent can legally refuse to allow the other parent to teach their own religion to their kids. I don't see how you can refuse to let her teach them what she believes. But neither can she refuse to let you teach them what you believe. Someone once told me, and I agree, that "Contrary to much modern thought, truth does not have to be protected, merely stated." Kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. They are able to understand more than we think often, and to sense even more. And God loves them even more then we do and will work steadily for their salvation as well as ours and our spouses. May God bless you in your walk with Him and minister to your wife as well! heloveme2 | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 319 Registered: 9-2004 |
Yeah, you will argue for a little while.. Eventually,(at least my experience) you won't. Rather than spend as long as I have getting to a point of listening to one another, let me tell you what has us listening now. Set aside a study time and day and devote that time to each other and reading.. For some reason, they are less defensive when it appears that you are studying along with them. And it helps both of you learn. Tracey | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1250 Registered: 3-2004 |
Jerrodg, From a senior citizen to a younger person, please do not bring children into a split family. I did that and ended up getting divorced. It really hurt my son. That is just my perspective on it. If you can, study the Bible with your wife and ask God to lead and teach you. I have the both of you in my prayers. Diana | ||
| Bob Registered user Username: Bob Post Number: 143 Registered: 7-2000  |
Jerrodg, I agree with Diana. I don't want to sound like Dr. Laura, but if you are not yet parents, by all means, DO NOT have children until you and your wife share the same religious faith and practice. If you bring children into this divided scenario, you and they will be hurt immeasurably in the years to come. Bob | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1664 Registered: 12-2003 |
For what it's worth, I agree with Diana and Bob. The two of you are facing completely different paradigms and worldviews, and children will make it much harder to resolve your differences. Many people have said that the arrival of children in a tenuous marriage is what pushed it over the edge. I also know that parents feel eternally responsible for training their children in the way they believe to be correct. Many people will divorce before surrendering their "right" to teach their children their religion. I love Tracey's idea of studying with your wife. Would she be open to such an idea? With prayers for you, Colleen | ||
| Jerrodg Registered user Username: Jerrodg Post Number: 3 Registered: 3-2005 |
She is only partially open to studying with me. Keep in mind that I am the former SDA, and she is a Mormon - so this doesn't completely belong in this forum, but I had no where else to turn. She would prefer that we study the book of mormon together, and whenever we do read the Bible, she reminds me that it has been mistranslated throughout the years and that any disagreement between the Bible and the book of mormon is obviously the Bible's fault. It makes it real tough to have a Bible study under those conditions. Anyhow, I have much more to say/ask but situations here force me to do it at a later time. God Bless. | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 320 Registered: 9-2004 |
here's an answer to that.. Zondervan has a Hebrew-English bible. It is mainly in Hebrew but the english is written smaller underneath it. Word by word -- which really reads goofy, but at least it's word for word. Then in the margin is the NIV of the scriptures, verse by verse. Oh my! It's the bible's fault???? whatever. Even the Old Testament?? Ask her if she now questions the entire Judaism religion ! don't do that. It just irritates me when you tell me this stuff. Ask her if she is interested in knowing for sure the truth about God. Tell her you are also, so let's study together once per week-- weekends, whatever she's comfortable with, but to stick with your goal and schedule. She won't refuse coming into agreement for wanting the truth. That's innate within us. Tracey | ||
| Lydell Registered user Username: Lydell Post Number: 670 Registered: 7-2000 |
Jerrod, there are former Mormon sites on the Internet too. Folks there may be able to give you somme tips on what the key points are that may help you get through to your wife. | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 145 Registered: 8-2004 |
Lydell, I think that is a good suggestion. Another place to look is sites that offer information of cults and dealing with cult members. And of course we're here to listen and offer what we've learned as well! | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1665 Registered: 12-2003 |
Jarrod, you can start by checking out this link: http://www.utlm.org/ The Utah Lighthouse Ministry is run by former Mormons, and it is a rich resourse of facts, materials, and witnessing help for dealing with Mormons. You are in a difficult position. You need support in your own exit from a cult, and simultaneously you're dealing with your wife who is in another one. We will continue to pray for you and for her. Please don't ever hesitate to ask questions, "vent", etc. on this forum. You need help with the Mormonism issue for sure, and we are also here to support and pray for you. Colleen | ||
| Loneviking Registered user Username: Loneviking Post Number: 324 Registered: 7-2000 |
Jerrod, probably the first place to begin is with a good understanding of Mormon beliefs. Mormonism is a very works oriented relgion. Your wife has seriously strayed from the Mormon faith by marrying you (did you know they consider you a Gentile?). To make up for that mistake, your wife is probably determined to live by the 'straight and and narrow' Mormon way--especially if she comes from a Mormon family. Being married to a non-Mormon can really complicate her life. For example, there are Mormon bishops who won't grant temple recommends to a Mormon married to a gentile. That's a big deal as Mormons have so many cermonies that revolve around their temples. You also have to understand that to Mormons, their view of inspiration and scripture is radically different from Christianity. Mormons don't trust the written word---the verbal word is what is inerrant and they receive that trustworthy and inerrant word through the Aaronic priesthood and their living prophet. Here's some sites that might help: http://wind.prohosting.com/rlanwood/beliefs.htm?FACTNet This is a really good, easy to understand overview of most aspects of the Mormon religion. http://www.whyprophets.com/index.htm This site is a Mormon apologetics site which, in defending Mormon doctrine, really gives you a sense of where Mormons are coming from. http://www.mazeministry.com/ There are a couple of interesting things about the above site. The first is the 'Temple tour' which shows the occult symbols that are on the Salt Lake city temple. The second is a comparison of todays' book of Mormon and the original one. http://www.macgregorministries.org/mormons/mormon_index.html This last site is a very comprehensive site for studies on the problems of Mormonism. It gives a lot of comparisons between what Mormon doctrine claims and what the Bible says. I hope these sites help and please feel free to vent. My suggestion for dealing with your wife is to love her, be patient and non-confrontational with her. Just tell her, 'I can't believe that because here is what the Bible says and I can't accept the Mormon view of the scriptures'. Bill | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 326 Registered: 9-2004 |
I find that comment Hilarious "do you know that they consider you a gentile?"... Like, is anyone's mom here Jewish??????? Is any gentile's mother Jewish!?? lol Sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying. | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 814 Registered: 7-2003  |
I only speak to affirm the NO KIDS recommendation. I have a child with an SDA and it is awful. The child is wonderful, but there is not a single thing we yet agree about. He even gets mad at me for when I choose to cut his hair. There is so much conflict, I can't even go into it all. I had no idea he would have the expectations of me that he does...not doing a single thing basically without his approval...which I don't seek, and therefore, get nothing but attitude from him. PLEASE avoid the heartache for yourselves and your children by waiting until you have unity in thought. It is certainly none of my business, but don't underestimate the severity of the conflict. Something changes in us when we feel the need to protect our children from bad influences. Until you have them, you cannot imagine.... | ||
| Madelia Registered user Username: Madelia Post Number: 138 Registered: 2-2003 |
Oh Melissa, that sounds SO familiar!! Here's another example: since we live in Minnesota we need good warm winter coats I bought my 9 year old daughter a nice thick jacket and my daughter wanted pink. It's a bright pink, but looks so cute on her with her dark hair. My husband has a fit about it, that no Christian girl would wear a color like that, because red is the symbol for sin in the Bible. One Saturday morning when she went to put it on to go to church, he made her take it off and found her another jacket which was, (get this) red and black plaid. I asked how come that was OK when it was red and the response was that there are different shades of red | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 816 Registered: 7-2003 |
Yours is worse, Madelia. I'm not married, so I can tell him where to go if he doesn't like what I do in my home. But, absolutely, that is the type of thing that B would also do. What does your daughter think? Can she see the conflicts between you? | ||
| Susan_2 Registered user Username: Susan_2 Post Number: 1735 Registered: 11-2002 |
O.K., I guess I will get into this conversation. I just feel in the deepest part of my heart that someday my son, the father of my grandchildren, and his wife will 'have it out' about religion. Before she met my son she never even heard of SDA's or to her knowledge met one. She went from first through 12th grade in Catholic school. She is just learningİEnglish and is new to the US. When my son told her he wanted to raise the children SDA she asked what they believe. All he told her from what I understand is that the SDA is Christian but unlike other Christian churches they have church on Saturday and the people don't eat pork because it says in the OT not to eat pork. She told me he had told her there were some other differences but those were the main things, other than those two things the SDA is a normal, regular Christian church. Well, now she has been commenting to me that she doesn't see anything normal, regular or Christian about the SDA. She thinks they are way weird. For instance, she said that if they want to have church on Saturday morning then she doesn't understand how come the Adventist children can't come to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. "What does going to church on Sat. morning have to do with not being allowed to attend a birthday party on Sat. afternon?", she asked. She thinks if the are really Christian wouldn't they have a cross in the chapel at the school or in the church. She has noticed the ladies don't wear jewlery and they go out of their way to look drab. She has already asked me if the SDA high schools have proms. I am the only one who will answer my d-i-l honestly about these things she is noticing. What? Did my son honestly think his wife wouldn't notice? Please, keep this in your prayers. Especially that God will guide me so I am not the preceived antaganater. I'm really not. I generally only answer questions and that may seem to be interferring by my SDA kin because I answer honestly. | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 330 Registered: 9-2004 |
Oh believe it! If this girl was brave enough to marry an american, move to foreign soil.. You can best believe whe won't hold deep roots to a church she doesn't really understand. Immigrants are really strong people. They often have endured a lot and "have nothing to lose". They work hard and don't like laziness, excuses and "mess". Just my experience with them. They have come so far, they feel that they don't have time to waste on "junk". Do we have immigrants to the U.S. on here? | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 331 Registered: 9-2004 |
Oh believe it! If this girl was brave enough to marry an american, move to foreign soil.. You can best believe whe won't hold deep roots to a church she doesn't really understand. Immigrants are really strong people. They often have endured a lot and "have nothing to lose". They work hard and don't like laziness, excuses and "mess". Just my experience with them. They have come so far, they feel that they don't have time to waste on "junk". Do we have immigrants to the U.S. on here? Then add a praying MIL that has left! | ||
| Bb Registered user Username: Bb Post Number: 79 Registered: 7-2004 |
Jerrod, Coming from a woman's point of view in a mixed religion....she probably married you with the thought that you would eventually "see the light" and be converted to Mormonism. I married a non-SDA when I was totally sure that SDA was the one true church. I already had a child, and he was considerate and let me raise my child the way I was raised...however, we eventually had our own, and fortunately at around the same I listened to Ron Carlson give a series of meetings on cults. I talked to him and he directed me to the websites, etc. and I studied and studied...(it was with great fear at first) So I do not have to try to argue with my husband over how to raise the other children. I am sure, had I been in Adventism I would be trying my best to steer that child toward it. So, I just think that no matter what she said at the beginning, if she is convinced that her church is true, she will always want to raise her children that way, I know I did. Praise God, He led me out just in time. |
