| Author | Message | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 745 Registered: 7-2003  |
Well here we go again...... My BIL/SIL are coming into town this weekend and of course my FIL/MIL are putting the screws to us to attend the College View Easter pagent on Saturday. My wife told them that we won't be attending, but they asked to be able to take our girls so they can see their aunt and uncle, etc. My wife told them they could. To be fair, the girls will probably enjoy it because it's a well done play with costumed actors, a real donkey, etc. It just irritates the heck out of me because they won't attend Easter services with us on the actual day of the week that Jesus rose, but it's okay to cebrate Easter as long as they do it the day before. AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! I feel continually caught between trying to limit my daughters' exposure to Adventism and not being unreasonable about the grandparents being able to do things with their grand kids. We've drawn the line at Sabbath school and VBS. We don't allow the kids to go to those things were all the Sabbath emphasis is drilled into the kids' heads. We will occasionally go to church with the rest of the family for special occasions or holidays. The College View church is fairly progressive as SDA churches go and the services are usually fairly Gospel centered so I don't think we're doing great harm to the kids to attend on special occasions for the sake of family peace. Then again sometimes I feel like we need to draw a bright line in the sand and say we don't step foot in SDA churches, but perhaps this is more confrontational than necessary. I feel constantly torn on this issue and don't see there ever being any real resolution this side of Heaven. Thanks for the opportunity to vent. Chris (Message edited by Chris on March 21, 2005) | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 803 Registered: 7-2003  |
Chris, you're way more gracious than I would have been. For the few minutes the aunt/uncle might actually get to have an exchange with the kids, they could have come by your house for a few minutes. It still seems more like grandma/pa trying to use a situation. But it's not my family, and I know a number of people would do things differently in my situation. You and your wife have to make peace with what is "okay" and not "okay". I personally appreciate it when you share your stories because it helps me mentally prepare for like situations ... as I'm sure they'll some day come. Thanks for sharing your situation. I learn a lot from what you do. | ||
| Esther Registered user Username: Esther Post Number: 180 Registered: 5-2004  |
Chris, How frustrating! I completely understand the tug-of-war with you reasoning that goes on. It's so hard knowing how to deal with the families and where to draw the lines. It's so exhausting! I'd go along with things, but then they don't know that I don't approve. But, to say anything...doesn't get us anywhere either. (Big sigh). Well, my prayers are with you. Unfortunately we have to spend Easter at a family get together...the family part will be fun, but I am mourning the passing of another Easter that I don't get to celebrate externally, as I am in my heart. | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 291 Registered: 9-2004 |
Yeah, but kids need to be with their grandparents and they don't understand all of the junk stuff with full maturity, anyway. The Blood of Jesus will cover them for that short time and God will protect them better than Chris could even if he went along. I think he is wise to pick and choose his battles since he has drawn very strong lines on what they can and cannot do with their gr. kids. I am a little confused though b/c if the pageant is Sat. -- Isn't your Easter service on Sunday? Tracey | ||
| Esther Registered user Username: Esther Post Number: 181 Registered: 5-2004 |
Sorry, I wasn't saying YOU should go along with things... I was more regressing into my own thoughts of walking that line between being part of the family, and letting your position be known. Sorry about my jumbled thoughts above. | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 746 Registered: 7-2003 |
Yes Tracey, the SDA churches that even acknowledge Easter do so on Saturday. The College View SDA church will have it's Easter service/pageant on Saturday, but will not do anything at all on Easter Sunday. Our church obviously has Easter services on Easter Sunday. Our kids will attend Easter Sunday services with us at our church. We invited our in-laws to Easter brunch with us after church on Sunday, but there is no point in asking them to come to Easter morning services on Sunday morning. They would not be okay with that. Chris | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 747 Registered: 7-2003 |
Thanks Melissa and Esther for your comments. I really truly want to do the right thing by God, by my kids, by our extended family, and by my principles. Unfortunately, it seems to get extremely complicated trying to decide which things can be done in love, even if it makes me a little uncomfortable or irritated, and which things we need to take an uncompromising stand on. The bottom line is that no matter how I've tried to explain to my in-laws that we left Adventism because we think it's wrong, because we think it's unbiblical, they see it as self-centered rebellion and any attempt to limit our kids' contact with Adventism as a spiteful action designed to be hurtful to them personally. It's a horrible no-win situation with no end in sight. Chris | ||
| Jerry Registered user Username: Jerry Post Number: 444 Registered: 6-2002 |
A statement like that just mystifies me, and yet it makes the understanding of the SDA church so very clear. To think that a church professing to be christian can so minimize and distort Easter, the single most important event in the history of the faith, is mind-boggling. No matter how many times I hear such things, my jaw drops. Praise God, Christ is risen. | ||
| Tdf Registered user Username: Tdf Post Number: 56 Registered: 11-2004 |
Chris, We're struggling with similar issues. I guess time will tell whether we've handled things the right way. Like you, we just aren't comfortable with our daughter attending Sabbath School with my parents. The church where my parents attend is VERY conservative and even at a young age children are taught to believe that Ellen White is a prophet (some of the kids almost view her as a superhero who is able to hold up huge Bibles in a single bound!). We did let her go to VBS because they were using a non-SDA curriculum. The issues are difficult to decipher. Like you, I want her to have a relationship with her grandparents. I think that a key to the discussion is communication -- talking with your kids, understanding what they're being taught (at school, from grandma and grandpa, from television, etc.) and explaining carefully and lovingly what you believe. At least that's the principle we're following for now. It's tough to know the right thing to do! | ||
| Carol_2 Registered user Username: Carol_2 Post Number: 287 Registered: 2-2002  |
Just an FYI, it's the same at Southern University in Collegedale, Tennessee. They have a huge production now, with actors and animals, all on Saturday a.m. before Easter. | ||
| Tracey Registered user Username: Tracey Post Number: 292 Registered: 9-2004 |
I certainly didn't want to minimize your struggle though, Chris. I do agree that it's not fair as you are the parent and are responsible for their well-being spiritually and naturallly. And I hate all of this drama for you! | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 750 Registered: 7-2003 |
I appreciated your perspective Tracey and I agree with what you said. Spending an hour with their grandparents observing an Easter play is probably not going to do any damage. It would probably do more damage to go to war of this. Thanks for your advice on this, Tracey. I appreciate it because you are able to evaluate some of these issues without all the baggage. Chris | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1641 Registered: 12-2003  |
I so understand your feelings, Chris and Tdf. I realize I'm way more reactive to these issues than I am objective--Chris, I totally support you as you send your kids with their grandparents. On the other hand, I suspect I would react by saying (privately--not to my in-laws or parents!), "My in-laws can visit my kids any time but church time. I don't want them building bonding memories with their grandparents with Adventist services as the backdrop so they feel nostalgic about them later." (And then, the fall-back rationale that I always check my decisions against): "If their grandparents were Mormon, would I let them go to a Mormon festal service as a means of bonding with Gramdma and Grandpa?" See? I have no ability to be objective about this! On the other hand, you're right about its being worse to go to war. Chris, I'll be praying re this whole complicated situation. Colleen | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1238 Registered: 3-2004  |
Chris and Tdf, I am remembering you and your children, grandparents in my prayers. God is still in charge and will work things out for the best. Just keep talking to him about it. Diana | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 805 Registered: 7-2003 |
Colleen, what you said mirrors my own thoughts. Last week, B was a little irritated with me that I wouldn't let him know when my older son's soccer games were on Sunday mornings, particularly. I just can't imagine the mixed message it would send to my son that B would get up and come to a soccer game on Sunday morning, but can't be bothered with church. So, I have intentionally not told him, though I've tried hard not to discourage the relationship between my son and B, as B is his brother's father. But I know historically that B has gotten very frustrated that I would not let him take my older son to "fun" activities at his church just because I didn't want him to get those "good" feelings about the religion, or the idea that I approved. The day will come, I'm sure, when Jonathan will go to those things because they fall during his visitation window, but I will not let Christopher go. It is very complicated, yet I'm seen as the bad guy. B wouldn't even come to Christopher's baptism. It's just such double standards. It's hard to maintain a consistent message for your kids when you have to let one do something that the other doesn't even have an option to do. | ||
| Seekr777 Registered user Username: Seekr777 Post Number: 88 Registered: 1-2003  |
Carol_2, just another FYI  I attend an SDA church which has Easter sevices on Sunday and it is a day of great celebration and joy as we worship our victorius and risen Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm also suspect this is the exception and not the rule since I'm not that closely tied into the current ways of doing church in SDA circles. I probably attend church as often if not more often in nonSDA churches. We serve an awesome Savior and my continued prayer is that He will be Lord of ALL to each of us. Richard rtruitt@mac.com | ||
| Chris Registered user Username: Chris Post Number: 757 Registered: 7-2003 |
Yes, the Celebration Center in Redlands is most definately the exception, Richard. It created a quite a scandel in SDA circles when the rumor got out that there were "outreach" services being held on Sundays. Most of the SDA world already thought y'all were heretics out there on the left coast, but the whole Sunday thing pushed you right over the edge into Babylon in most minds. :-) Chris | ||
| Susan_2 Registered user Username: Susan_2 Post Number: 1719 Registered: 11-2002 |
There seems to be great differences within Adventism about Easter. Over where I am the SDA church makes no mention of Easter. The sermon on the Saturday before Easter will be just another regular SDA infomerical. The Sunday that is Easter may be a church work day. Easter is a non-event. Some of the others postng on here sure go to different kinds of SDA churches than I've been exposed to. In fact, I was taught as a child that Easter is a pagon holiday and should not be celebrated. And, itn't it an oxymorn to say 'Easter Sabbath'? | ||
| Seekr777 Registered user Username: Seekr777 Post Number: 94 Registered: 1-2003 |
Chris if the entire truth was known we would be considered even more heretical. Your sister has done some teaching on different subjects that would "raise eyebrows" in every SDA church I know of. I think a very important thing to remember is we do not make a god of rebellion against one group or the other. We must keep our eyes focussed on our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and everything else will become plain. We need to build up and point others to Christ and not spend all our time tearing down but building up each others faith and understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Richard rtruitt@mac.com | ||
| Tisha Registered user Username: Tisha Post Number: 12 Registered: 3-2005 |
Seekr777, what you say about building up rather than tearing down is so true. At one time I had the chance to worship with a group of Former SDA's who were just newly "out". After one or two visits, I decided that I wanted to worship with others that had not been part of the SDA movement. There are two main reason for this. One is that I want to learn and be shepherded by Christians that are grounded in Biblical Christianity. And the other is that I want to define my Christianity by what I am learning from the Bible, not by what I am against. I want to be able to witness to others within the SDA Church by showing them Jesus and all that His Grace has done for us. When I do need to point out error in their doctrine, I want it to be from a place of love and building up, not from rebellion against the SDA Church. Often rebellion against SDAism translates into rebellion against Christianity. One has to learn that true Christianity is NOT what the SDA Church is. That is so freeing to realize! |
