| Author | Message | ||
| Plain Patti |
The Number of the Beast OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know: * $665.95 - Retail price of the Beast * $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax * $765.90 - Price of the Beast with the HST (for those in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia) * $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul * $766.25 - Price of the Best with extended 6 year 66,000 mile warranty. * $656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast. * 00666 - Zip code of the Beast. * 1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! $6.66/minute. Over 18 please. * Route 666 - Highway of the Beast * 666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast * 666k - Retirement plan of the Beast * 6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit. * i66686 - CPU of the Beast * 666i - BMW of the Beast * 668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast * 98.666 - Body temperature of the Beast * P r 666 - Area of the Beast * 6.66 Pr - Circumference of the Beast * 666/66 - Blood Pressure of the Beast * (666) - Area code of the Beast * 666AD - Year of the Beast * 5666 Feet - A Beastly Mile | ||
| Plain Patti |
Stay Tuned for the Second Coming! This is an actual tv commercial recently seen: "Jesus is coming soon -- perhaps tomorrow!!! Send $10 for a video that will explain the Second Coming of Jesus Christ! Please allow *six* weeks for delivery | ||
| Steve Pitcher |
Ha! I'm currently in a Pharmacy Tech training program. The instructror has said that he will not allow the mark of the beast as part of any of our answers. When we get a calculation that results in 0.666, we must change the last 6 to a 7. If anyone out there dies in a hospital due to an incorrect dosage, just blame it on the beast. | ||
| Darrell |
Hi Steve, Your instructor is right: 2/3 rounds to .667, not .666! (Of course, nobody is going to die from a < 0.15% error in dosage anyway.) Patti, How about * 66.6 MPG - mileage of the beast's new hybrid car * Heinz 666 - ketchup of the beast | ||
| Plain Patti |
Funny, Steve! Very good, Darren! What about: Channel 666 -- The Beasty Channel Chanel #666 -- Perfume of the Beast Any more takers??? | ||
| Plain Patti |
Another: Motel 666 -- Cheap Overnight Stay of the Beast | ||
| Allenette |
Plain Patti: thanks for inserting a humor thread onto this forum...."THEY" are much needed on all these religious website/threads!!! 2 years ago a dear friend of mine who has registered on here but doesnst post started same on the SDAnet, and it was instrumental in attracting MANY searchers because it was a RELIEF to the dead seriousness of the rest of the forum!!! Not unlike the need for a jester in the court of kings! I wonder who the comedian is in the scheme of the Creator? Or is that also a no-no on here?BTW,I just copied the 666 thingie onto the aToday forum. so sue me ;-)))) | ||
| Allenette |
How to deal with differences in the Adventist Church By (anonymous) (From the Walla Walla College Collegian, March 30, 2000. Copied with permission.) Walking across a bridge last Sabbath afternoon, I noticed a guy who looked like he was ready to jump off. I thought I'd try to stall him until the authorities showed up (or at least until I had time to put film in my camera). "Don't jump!" I said. "Why not?" he said. "Nobody loves me." "God loves you," I said. "Do you believe in God?" "Yes, I believe in God," he said. "Oh, good." I said. "Are you Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, or Hindu?" "Christian," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Are you Protestant or Catholic?" "Protestant," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "What kind of Protestant?" "Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Are you a Conservative, Evangelical, or Liberal Seventh-day Adventist?" "Conservative-Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "KJV-Only Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist or NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Cinema-Attending NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist or Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh day Adventist or Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist or Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Anti-Women-in-Ministry (except Ellen White) Lacto-Ovo-Chicko Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist or Pro-Women-in-Ministry Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "Anti-Women-in-Ministry (except Ellen White) Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Literally-inspired-by-God-Bible Anti-Women-in-Ministry (except Ellen White) Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist or Thought-inspired-by-God Bible Anti-Women-in Ministry (except Ellen White) Lacto-Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist?" "Thought-inspired-by-God-Bible Anti-Women-in-Ministry (except Ellen White) Lacto Ovo-Chicko-Fisho Vegetarian Non-Dancing Video-Only NIV Conservative Evangelical Seventh-day Adventist," he said. "Errrrr, you heretic!!!!!" I said. And I pushed him over. | ||
| Bruce H |
There was this angel flying around and He came up to this Gypsy and he said Angel- Hay Gypsy I have somthing for you. Gypsy - Yes what is it you have for me. Angel - It is a Commandment. Gypsy - Yes what knid of Commandment. Angel - Thou shalt to steal. Gypsy - No thank you that is what us gypsy's do you can take your commandment and go somewhere else where. So the angel flew around until He came upon a French man sitting on a park bench. The angel went up to the French man and said. Angel- Hay French man I have somthing for you. French man - Yes what is it you have for me. Angel - It is a Commandment. French man - Yes what knid of Commandment is it. Angel - Thou shalt to commit adultry. French man - No thank you that is what us French men do you can take your commandment and go somewhere else where. So the angel flew around until he found this little Jewish Rabbi. so he went up to the Rabbi and said. Angel- Hay Rabbi I have somthing for you. Rabbi - Yes what is it you have for me. Angel - It is a Commandment. Rabbi - How much will it cost? Angel - Nothing. Rabbi - Ok, I will take Ten of them. Ha Ha BH | ||
| Maryann |
Nice posts. First smile I've had in a few hours. More? | ||
| Maryann |
Good post's. First smile I've had in a while. More? | ||
| Maryann |
Well, there's some humor. I thought lost it, now there's two. Richard fix it, pleeeeze. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Your inspired quote for the day: "Those who persist in wearing the hides of dead animals will go from God's people to walk with them no more." --Counsels on Shoes, Belts and Jackets, page 314 | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Sports cars are mentioned in the Bible. Example: "And the roar of David's Triumph was heard throughout the land." | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Bumper sticker seen around town: "Jesus is coming and boy is he mad!" | ||
| Colleentinker |
When I was taking my English minor at Northwest Nazarene College we had a test in one of our literature classes in which the teacher included a question: "Which of the following quotes about baseball are not in the Bible?" Unfortunately, I only remember two of them: A. In the Big Inning B. And where are the nine? | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
One professor I had in seminary, a Dr. Walther, required us students to sign in on an attendance sheet to prove we had too sat through his lecture. But when I signed my name "Harry Tick" he found out some way -- there was a hairy rat next desk over, I swear -- and gave me a D for the class. And boy did I ever not do that again! | ||
| Plain Patti |
You know, of course, that Jesus and His disciples went to the Upper Room in a Honda? Yep. They were all in one Accord. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
PRINTER'S INK BARELY DRY ON THESE BLOOPERS FROM CHURCH BULLETINS Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. PRAYER & FASTING CONFERENCE: ěThe cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes mealsî. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ěLadies, donít forget the rummage sale. Itís a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Donít forget your husbands.î Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ěhellî to someone who doesnít care much about you. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. The ěOver 60ís Choirî will be disbanded for the summer with thanks. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ěItís a Terrible Experienceî. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jackís sermons. The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved. The final secretary gave a grief report. We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now letís sing ěPraise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.î This blooper showed up on the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: ěIn a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican Church of Canada.î Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth. Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers. Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord. The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles. The ushers will light their candle from the pastorís candle. The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew. Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway Saves You More! (For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: ěThere will be no Moms Who Care this week.î This one said during the congregational prayer when leading prayer for our unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones. Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Q. Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? A. He lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog. |
