| Author | Message | ||
| Maryann |
Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in Church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in Church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the Church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." | ||
| Plain Patti |
Subject: HELL The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. "I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. "With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. (2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Genevieve Jenson during my Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I go out with you," and take into account that fact that I still have not succeeded in dating her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
That's great, Patti! | ||
| Maryann |
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!" | ||
| Plain Patti |
I like this thread! :) :) :) :) | ||
| Plain Patti |
The pope died and went to heaven. He met St. Peter at the gate, and Peter greeted him: "Hi, John Paul! Really good to see you. But I am afraid we have a problem. We had not anticipated your coming so soon, so we are still in the process of getting your room ready. Would you mind waiting in our library for a few minutes?" The pope smiled and said that would be fine. He entered the library and began to browse. He picked out a certain volume and settled down to read. A few minutes later, a cry of anguish and deep agony came out of the library, "Celebrate, the word is celebrate!" | ||
| Maryann |
Funneeeee ;-) Do you suppose the anguish was from him realizing he didn't have to make all those confessions? BTW, who does the pope confess to? After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." | ||
| Maryann |
Funneeeee ;-) Do you suppose the anguish was from him realizing he didn't have to make all those confessions? BTW, who does the pope confess to? After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." | ||
| Maryann |
Well, as you can tell, I'm not on the ball. Oops. A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" | ||
| Maryann |
Second grade teacher ask the kids to come up with as many names for God as they could. Suzy raised her hand and said, "Lord." Very good Suzy. Johnny raised his hand and said, "Jesus." Very good Johnny. Ricky raised his hand and said, "Andy." Puzzled, the teacher asked him to explain how Andy could be a name for God. He said, "Andy He walks with me Andy talks with me." | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Q. Who in the Bible besides Adam and Eve had no parents? A. Joshua son of Nun. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Tennis mentioned in the Bible: "And Joseph served in Pharaohís court." | ||
| Maryann |
Ever wonder why sheep don't shrink when it rains? | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a church lobby during the Christmas season? A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! | ||
| Maryann |
Guess I better quit and save some for a rainy day when the sheep "stink" ;-) | ||
| Jude the Obscure. |
Q. If you lined up every person who ever lived from now on back to Adam and Eve and put them in swimming suits, how could you pick out our first parents? A. They're the ones with no belly buttons. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Another automobile mentioned in the Bible: Jesus drove the moneychangers away from the temple in a Fury. | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Abraham was smart. He knew a Lot. | ||
| Maryann |
It's just been the last 50 years that gals have in general shown their belly buttons. Soooooo, only the the guys would have shown their belly buttons, sooooo, only Adam would have been "exposed." On the other hand, if we are made in God's image, He would have to have a belly button too?, or we wouldn't be made in His image. Or, if Adam was made in God's image, he wouldn't have had a belly button (as you said) and we wouldn't be in the image of our earthly father Adam. Should I have erased this one? | ||
| Jude the Obscure |
Hi Maryann, Do you think that the image of God has to refer to a physical image? |
