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Maryann
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 7:57 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Hey Jude,

Did you know that Dwight Nelsons first car, at least first collage car, was a VW bug? Only I think it was green :-) Took a long time to get that answered. I learn these trivia gems when I HAVE to listen to 3ABN.
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:01 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

For years one poor little kid thought he was singing, "Lead On, O Kinky Turtle."
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:05 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

"And God created Adam and Eve -- not Adam and Evan!
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:08 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Q. Waht time of day was it when Adam was created?

A. Just before Eve.
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:10 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Submitted by a WOMAN named Cathy, believe it or not.

Q. Why did God make Adam before Eve?

A. Because He didn't want any advice on how to do it.
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:14 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

BULLETIN BLOOPERS THAT JUST WON'T STOP COMING

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Maryann
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 8:15 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Even the creation or Adam before Eve points to unfathomable wisdom of God.
Plain Patti
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 9:09 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Maryann,

Are you saying that Adam was the *beta* version?

:)
Plain Patti
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 9:16 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

B.C.

There was a rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a weeks vacation in FL, so she wrote to a particular campground ad asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but did not quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She could not bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "bathroom commode." But, when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter and referred to the "bathroom commode" merely as the B.C.

"Does the campground have its own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just could not figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they could not imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally came to the conclusion that the lady must be asking the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following.

"Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay I answering your letter, but now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the B.C. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it sure is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

"If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember this is a friendly community."
Maryann
Posted on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 9:55 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Hi Patti,

Wasn't there a video system called "beta" in the 70s and the upgrade was "beta max" and one of the features of the beta "max" was that it was sharper? What say we let THEM be the "beta" and WE be the "max"! Yeh, the "max" made the "beta" sharper!!! Hey, that gets funnier the more I think about it, huh? ;-)
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 5:01 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Maryann,

Careful not to "max out" the "beta max."
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 5:07 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Ad posted on small country church bulletin board: "Dog for Sale -- Eats anything -- Loves Children."
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 5:09 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Sweet and gentle head elder of a certain small-town church always includes this line when he prays "up front", "And, Lord, we pray those who are sick of this church."
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 5:13 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Submitted by a pastor:

"I was preaching for a rural congregation in Tennessee. One of the elders was named Louie Jones and his wife was named Sue. One Sunday a brother was making announcements and it was Louie and Sue Jones' anniversary. He announced, 'We want to congratulate Louie and Sooie on their 50th wedding anniversary.' The congregation couldn't stop laughing."
Jude the Obscure
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 5:19 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

Good News: The pastor-parish relations committee accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it that they asked the bishop to send a new minister capable of filling the position.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of the parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your community.
Bad News: He has been appointed as your conference bishop.

Good News: The youth of the church came to your house for a visit.
Bad News: It was in the middle of the night and they were armed with toilet paper and shaving cream.

Good News: The Church Council has agreed to send you to the Holy Land for study.
Bad News: They are waiting for war to break out before sending you.
Maryann
Posted on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 7:09 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Hi Jude,

Don't worry, I wont "max out" the "beta max" as they are now collectors items, or so I was told.
Plain Patti
Posted on Thursday, May 04, 2000 - 8:51 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

A businesswoman ordered a beautiful, expensive floral arrangement for the opening of her new outlet, and she was furious when it arrived with a ribbon which read, "May You Rest In Peace."

Apologizing for the mishap, the florist finally got the businesswoman to calm down with the reminder that in some funeral home stood an arrangement bearing the words, "Good Luck in Your New Location."
Maryann
Posted on Saturday, May 06, 2000 - 12:29 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Hi Jude,

I have a question. You know what the speed of light is, but, what is the speed of dark?
Richard Jr.
Posted on Saturday, May 06, 2000 - 5:15 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

In 1970 during a discussion in a Sabbath School class in Takoma Park, Maryland; they started to talk about the need to be vegetarians if they wanted to be a "true" follower of Jesus Christ. Someone in the class pointed out the fact that Jesus ate meat. Another person said that is no problem because Jesus was living up to all the light He had; afterall we have to remember He didn't have the "spirit of prophecy."
Debbie S
Posted on Saturday, May 06, 2000 - 7:17 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

That's a scary thought, isn't it? That Jesus, The Son of God (John 3:16)--Jesus, who is the Word of God made flesh, who dwelt among us, who was at the beginning with God, and who is God, (John1:1,14)--Jesus, who before Abraham was born, "I Am" (John 8:39)--Jesus, who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation, who created all things in heaven and earth, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities, for whom all things were created--Jesus, who is before all things, and in whom all things hold together (Colossians 1:15-17)--Jesus, who God the Father appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe--Jesus, who is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, who sustains all things by his powerful word, who, after he had provided purification for sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven, and who is superior to the angels (Heb1:2-4)--Jesus, who was in very nature God (Philippians 2:6a)--didn't have "the whole truth" while he walked the earth????? If Jesus, who IS the Way, the Truth and the Life, (John 14:6), doesn't have the whole truth, then who does??????

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