| Author | Message | ||
| Ohlonda Registered user Username: Ohlonda Post Number: 1 Registered: 3-2005 |
Hello everyone. I feel like I know some of you already. I have been reading from this site for about 2 years. A member of this site vchowdhury is a very close friend of mine and she introduced me to this forum when she joined. I am currently a SDA , but have not been attending church in over 3 years. It all started about 5 years ago. I was a very active member in the church married with 4 kids. I have been the children's choir director,Ay leader, Youth director and Community Service. I was a very active member.My husband is not a SDA and I have told the church for years how I wish that he were. Many "saints" of the church would tell me they were praying for my husband. In 1996 a new pastor joined our church. Within about 2 years he had an affair with a female member and a child was conceived, but the pregnancy was terminated (aborted. I forgot to mention that the pastor is also married with kids.Many "saints" in the church were aware of the affair, pregnancy and abortion. I was very upset when I found out and left the church for about 8 months. I returned and did not resume my past church roles but community service. I was also a member of the church board. In May 2000 the pastor called me to discuss tryign to bring my husband into the church. We would talk on the phone for hours about everything but my husband, my husband did not like the pastor calling the house, the pastor suggested talking in his office, yeah one thing led to another and we were in an affair that lasted over a year! I know I said the same thing over and over to myself "Why did you let this happen you know his reputation" He persuaded me to file a restraining order on my husband and my husband was made to leave our house. With my husband gone the pastor practically took up residence in my home. He spent the night about 5 - 6 nights a week! In July of 2001 the pastor was asked to speak in Philadelphia for a month long seminar. I was very relieved for I knew that I could be free! ( yes I was tormented during this entire time) I stopped answering his phone calls and emails. I was free! So I thought, the pregnancy test came back positive! I was so upset, here I thought I would be able to move my membership and never have to deal with him when he got back from Philadelphia. When he got back in town, he called and I answered and he told me how much he missed me and what was wrong with me why I didn't answer his calls or emails. I blurted out I was pregnant and the whole conversation turned. He started crying and begging me to abort the child. He said that if I abort the baby then it would not be a sin. I hung up the phone. Soon after the "saints" called me or came over and tried to persuade me to have an abortion. They told me they would be there for me and help me through all this and yes that it was not a sin. His wife spoke to me and was quite upset (about the pregnancy only)I let her say what she needed to say, well the pastor found out and had her apologize to me! Can you believe it? I said you are not the one to apologize,I am. I was so upset. My eyes were finally opened I no longer looked at my pastor as a man of God, but as a demented, conniving, manipulative person. With help from vchowdhury I was able to leave the church. She along with a few other members helped me realize that I was not dealing with just human flesh, but that the evil one was very much involved in the outcome of this. I had our child March 2002. I forgot to mention that the pastor throughout the pregnancy said he would take care of the child financially.He asked me to not tell the conference so that he could continue to preach. Well there were some REAL Saints in the church that heard of what was happening and ran to the conference! They were unaware of his previous affairs, but when they heard about the baby they were very upset. The conference fired the pastor and he fled to Florida, where he is preaching at a friend's church 2-3 times a week. The Southeastern conference is not aware that he is preaching if they knew they would put a stop to it and probably reprimand the friend who is allowing him to preach. The conference sent him to California in 1996 because of an affair he had in Gainesville. so he moved out here and continued his ways. I have taken this pastor to court for 3 years for child support. He was able to get a SDA lawyer and she was able to use stall tactics. So for 3 years I have received zilch! NOt so much as one cent. He was finally ordered to pay $150. a month ( he suppossedly is not working} I know the church he preaches at pays him under the table so that the conference does not find out. I have been able to restore my relationsip with my heavenly Father and with my husband. I am a 4th generation SDA and it was very hard for me not to look at a SDA pastor as a man of God. I know now not to look at man but at God. I am no longer beating myself up over my huge mistakes, but have forgiven myself for God forgave me. I hope that before you decide how you feel about me that you get to know me first. Thank you | ||
| Bob Registered user Username: Bob Post Number: 199 Registered: 7-2000  |
"The Southeastern conference is not aware that he is preaching if they knew they would put a stop to it and probably reprimand the friend who is allowing him to preach." Ohlonda, I think you have a moral and spiritual responsibility to notify that conference. How many more lives will this evil man be permitted to destroy? If you don't want to report him, I would be delighted to do so! Bob | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 840 Registered: 7-2003  |
Ohlonda, suffice it to say there are no stones here. If you've been reading for that long, you well know my story. I know how easy it is to fall into the unthinkable, and I promise our heavenly father is always willing to forgive his children. You have already seen a signficant miracle in the restoration of your marriage. Welcome to FAF. | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 341 Registered: 7-2004 |
Welcome Ohlonda, you should know by now after reading all the posts here that this is a safe place to be. We love Jesus, and Jesus loves you and your baby. That's an automatic we love both of you. It has been a difficult time for you, I'm sure. My prayers are for you, dear one. You mentioned that you have mended your relationship with your husband. That makes him a better man than the "man of God." Keep focusing on your relationship with Jesus. He can make wonderful things out of not so wonderful beginnings. I'm proud of you for keeping your child and not taking the so-called easy way out. Life is so precious, and I believe that if a child is conceived, no matter the circumstances, then God has a purpose for that little child's life. Once again, my prayers are with you. Belva | ||
| Esther Registered user Username: Esther Post Number: 215 Registered: 5-2004 |
Welcome Ohlonda! you will find that this is a place of acceptance. We are so glad that you have joined us! | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 414 Registered: 7-2004 |
I am praising God for your remarkable story, Ohlonda. His love redeems our pasts! "Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity And passes over the rebelious act of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever; because He delights in unchanging love. He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins Into the depths of the sea." Micah 7:18,19 His pardon includes: - Covering the sin - Restored relationship of the Father - A new power to overcome sin - A complete removal and forgetting of all our former sins What an amazing acceptance from our LORD! | ||
| Thomas1 Registered user Username: Thomas1 Post Number: 175 Registered: 4-2002  |
Ohlonda, Honey, remember what Jesus said to the woman who was "caught in the very act of adultry"? He said, "Neither do I condemn you." How can we do less? Welcome, here you will find a whole lot of good christian friends who are complete followers of Jesus Christ. We invite you to come to the cross, wrap your arms around it and accept it for yourself. Keep your eyes on Jesus and NEVER let anyone take Him away from you! You are your little one are His special children. He loves you a whole lot. So do I In His Grip <>< Thomas | ||
| Carol_2 Registered user Username: Carol_2 Post Number: 299 Registered: 2-2002  |
A warm welcome Ohlonda.....so thrilled to have you here. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know God will continue to use you to bless us and others. Love and prayers to all, Carol | ||
| Tisha Registered user Username: Tisha Post Number: 36 Registered: 3-2005 |
Welcome Ohlanda! I'm pretty new here also. It is such a safe place to "be". After seeing how people on other sites treat each other, I'm so thankful that this is truely a Christian Fellowship. It's amazing to see how each of us has come to where we are now! God sure does use all our experiences to lead us to Him. I can so relate to your anger about that pastor not being held accountable for his actions. My experience with the SDA Church has been that the perpetrators are just quietly moved elsewhere and then go on offending. I've known first-hand two pastors that had relationships outside of their marriages (with church members) and they were just sent to other Conferences. Also, my family experienced sexual abuse by a highly esteemed church member - my mother after a Prayer Meeting, and my daughter at a Church Christmas Party. When we reported it to the pastor and then to the Conference, we were told we should have Christian forgiveness (he never asked for it or admitted any wrong-doing), and they said that they would pray for our family and "our problem"! When our lawyer pursued it we found out this man had a record of sexual abuse and the Church knew it, but still kept him working with the youth! Supposedly he "had changed". He could sing "so well" and gave very sincere sounding "prayers"! My mother informed every Church that this man moved to, and kept him on the run until we finally lost track of him. But not once did the Conference admit any wrong or follow up on our complaint. As far as we know, he is still out there. Just another reason for me to question my affiliation with the SDA Denomination! I know this happens in other churches also. But it seems that the more cultic a group is, the more cover-up there is also. I am not judging the people - I am a sinner as well. However, I would expect the Church to at least not let those in positions of responsibility/authority continue on without consequences. I do believe in forgiveness, but I also believe in judgement. While that is up to God in the end, I think there is a place here on this earth to also be held accountable for our actions. OK, I'm stepping off my soap-box!! Again, a very warm welcome Ohlanda. | ||
| Riverfonz Registered user Username: Riverfonz Post Number: 202 Registered: 3-2005 |
Ohlonda, Welcome to FAF, and thanks for sharing your story. We serve a Gracious God, and He is already rebuilding your life. Unfortuneately, this is such a common story with so many pastors. Even if you were to report this to the conference, they still might not do anything about it, judging from other similar stories. God bless you, Stan | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 573 Registered: 10-2004  |
Hello Ohlanda, welcome to the forum! I totally agree with Bob, about reporting that man. He definitely should not be permitted to ruin more lives! I also know of many cases of immorality/crimes by SDA pastors, and they were almost always just shipped off to another church/conference, also! It seems that is the standard procedure. And some SDA on the revivalsermons.org forum was talking to a Catholic on there about the Catholic Church's problems with immorality. I hope those folks are reading this thread about their own "Remnant Church"! Problems with adultery, murder, rape, theft, etc. are so rampant among just the Pastors in the SDA cult, it is amazing. Although I suppose it should not be surprising, since it is a cult, and not a Christian church. Jeremy (Message edited by jeremy on April 18, 2005) | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1803 Registered: 12-2003  |
Welcome, Ohlanda. You are among brothers and sisters here. All of us have deep regrets and sin in our pasts; all of us are here because Jesus has covered us with His blood. You and your child and your husband are objects of His love. Please know we are delighted that you have joined us. I pray that God will continue to heal your heart and also to bring your husband to an intimate relationship with Jesus. Praise God for how He has already begun redeeming the past and has restored your marriage. God has much more blessing in store for you than you can think or imagine. Praise Him for His grace and forgiveness! With prayers for you and your husband, Colleen | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 365 Registered: 4-2000  |
A hearty FAF welcome, Ohlonda! You have come to the right place for healing, fellowship, learning, unlearning, Bible study, and prayer support. God has great plans for you and your family. In biblical Christianity, the salvific factor is not what offense you once committed or even what you intend to do for Christ tomorrow, but rather it is what you will allow Him to do for you today. Today is often crucified between two thieves--yesterday and tomorrow. Dennis Fischer | ||
| Denisegilmore Registered user Username: Denisegilmore Post Number: 270 Registered: 10-2000 |
Ohlonda, Welcome to FAF, I'm just sitting here Praising God that you came forward and spoke! What a blessing to this forum you are today. And what a blessing you are for God Almighty! You told of what happened, how, who and the consequences and then with added blessings to us all, we find out your resolve to keep that prescious child and that you and your husband are once again together! Thank you for being here! Also, as Belvalew has stated, your husband is more of a man of God than that pastor so Praise God for him also! It is good for us all to hear. And as many above has stated and even Bob has offered to do this for you, turn in that pastor. For I'm sure you wouldn't want him to do that to another. And he will. You have the power to stop him from ruining someone else's life and you have God's authority as well to do just this. I agree with Jeremy and what the others have stated and my prayer is that when you do turn him in, he is not allowed to practice elsewhere as Stan has mentioned could happen as well. Unfortunately that happens all too often but don't let that stop you from doing what is right. You've come this far in doing what's right, don't stop now. My prayers will be with you and yours. From reading your post I nearly began to cry over here to think this pastor would do such a terrible thing to one family let alone more than one. Please pray and remember too, Bob has offered to help you with this, to turn in this pastor. You know the terrible effects this had on your life, your husbands life, that pastor's wife and that congregation and from your post it seems to me that your heart sure wouldn't want this to happen to anyone else, nor any other congregation. May God Bless you, your husband, your child or children. In Jesus Christ Name. This is my prayer for you and yours. Amen. And your husband is a blessed man to have you as his wife and I'm sure you feel very very blessed to have such a man of God as he must be! In Christ. denise | ||
| Pw Registered user Username: Pw Post Number: 397 Registered: 6-2004 |
Ohlonda, first of all welcome. Secondly, I really admire your effort to share your experience. That probably took a lot of courage to expose what you've been through with total strangers. However, we are all human and make mistakes. So don't beat yourself up over the past. Look to the future. You are free from the SDA and can have a REAL relationship with Jesus rather than some man-made institution. Third, I agree that this so-called pastor should be reported. He's really out of line with his conduct in his personal life, while trying to play the role of a preacher in another. It's people like him that gives all Christianity a black eye. And to encourage you and the other woman to have an abortion is horrendous. I'm glad you didn't listen to that advice and pray your child will be a joy in your life. | ||
| Lisa_boyldavis Registered user Username: Lisa_boyldavis Post Number: 53 Registered: 3-2005 |
Ohlonda, I heard your story and I remembered things that happened to me in my childhood with a youth pastor, ... when I was 30 something I had the courage to write and mail a letter to he, his pastor, the Conf. about his sexual attacts, witnesses who knew about his trail of evil... cover ups are not God's method of dealing with sin, but much like the Catholic Priests protected from consequences, there will be JUDGMENT with our gracious God for the evil that has been perpetrated upon us, or for the sin we've fallen into, whatever the case. I pray that you find healing here at FAF. It's interesting; I've heard Adventists say that the only time people leave the church is when relationships have been damaged, when people have been through a lot on account of the church. My thought to them is that THAT MAY SOMETIMES BE THE CASE, BUT BEING HURT DOES NOT MEAN THAT OUR MINDS DON'T WORK, THAT WE ARE NOT ENTITLED TO EVALUATE AND SEARCH THE SCRIPTURES TO FIND TRUTH FROM ERROR, AND FURTHERMORE, GOD SAYS HE USES THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THIS EARTH TO CONFOUND THE WISE. I don't mind being called foolish in this case  Praise God for your rescue! Lisa | ||
| Marcell Registered user Username: Marcell Post Number: 26 Registered: 4-2004 |
Ohlanda, Welcome. I'm so sorry for all you've been through! Praise God that He is able to use even the worst things we go through to glorify Himself somehow. Whaether or not to turn in the pastor is a decision that you alone can make - you alone know all the ramifications for yourself and your family. God bless you! Marcell | ||
| Melinda Registered user Username: Melinda Post Number: 19 Registered: 2-2005 |
Ohlanda, What a courageous thing for you to tell your story. It is wonderful to see how God has restored your life! Several years ago I worked at a SDA hospital with a Baptist minister who sounds similar to the pastor you told us about. I could have gone after him with sexual harassment, but knowing the politics in the Adventist Health System, and only being 20 at the time, I didn't feel up to it. I think pastors like that can be very subtle and tricky, and know the politics and use it in their favor. May God richly bless you, Ohlanda. You are His child, and He will always be your Father. Melinda | ||
| Hoytster Registered user Username: Hoytster Post Number: 119 Registered: 9-2003 |
What I notice, is a precious baby. Ohlanda, you love that baby just as much as your other children, right? With all your heart. That's how God loves us. That's why he gives us lucky ones blessings like your new baby. If the result of the goings-on is that precious baby, how can that be a bad thing? I would be confident that your husband, Ohlanda, also loves that baby - all the way. Am I right? Love. Jesus loves us. He loves you and your baby. Welcome to FAF. - Hoytster | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1394 Registered: 3-2004  |
Ohlanda, Welcome from another voice. I am glad you are here and told us what happened to you. WE CARE FOR YOU AND WILL PRAY FOR YOU. When we ask God for forgiveness, He sends our sins into the depth of the seas and does not remind us of them. I think He is awesome. I have written your name on my prayer list. Diana |
