| Author | Message | ||
| Lisa_boyldavis Registered user Username: Lisa_boyldavis Post Number: 172 Registered: 3-2005 |
Thank you, FAF for being here. I am recognizing that leaving Adventism is so similar to the multiple miscarriages I've had. It's such an odd loss, that there arenít people out there to walk through the grief with. I've had some significant pain in my life, but leaving Adventism has topped them all. Although this is the case, the Christian Community has no clue to the loss of a built in family. That's why I REALLY appreciate FAF. As you've noticed, I kind of come and go as I move through the grief of what it means to leave the church. Thank you so much for being there. A super slow griever, Lisa | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2357 Registered: 3-2004  |
Lisa, My prayers are with you as you continue in this grieving process. That is one of the reasons God has us here. It is difficult to lose a family, but God will provide, as He has promised. Father in Heaven, wrap your awesome arms around Lisa and hold her tight as she goes through this experience. Let her know that You are there. With Christian love, Diana | ||
| Randyg Registered user Username: Randyg Post Number: 134 Registered: 12-2004 |
Lisa, Thank-you for sharing your experience. You are right in that neither our SDA family, nor our new found "other Christian family" fully appreciate the dramatic/traumatic changes leaving Adventism has on a person. Both groups generally, do not really understand why we had to make such a bold, far reaching change in the first place. Many either fail to see(or don't want to see) the problems, or conversely they don't feel that the theological challenges warrant leaving what is a social, cultural,and familial comfort zone. When it is all you know, even the thought of such change can be overwhelming to most. This sense of community is what I value most about this FAF forum. We can share the journey because we all recognize the past we have in common. It doesn't matter if you are 18 or 80. It doesn't matter if your Canadian, American, European, or African. It doesn't matter if you are male or female. Our stories are the same. we all I am thankful for this meeting place, not so much for the theological discourse, although that is helpful, but mainly for the richness of the fellowship. Randy | ||
| Riverfonz Registered user Username: Riverfonz Post Number: 1378 Registered: 3-2005 |
Lisa, I agree 100%. I wish there was an FAF when I left SDA. This ministry is so valuable, and I agree with Randy that the fellowship is so important. There are a lot of issues to sort through. BTW, Lisa, it was great to see your good friend Mary at the alumni weekend, and I enjoy working with her in the ER. Stan | ||
| Jackob Registered user Username: Jackob Post Number: 119 Registered: 7-2005  |
For me, it just started. Last saturday I gave the pastor my resignation letter. My wife, even she knows that I'm going to resign my membership is not so pleased about my choice. So I decided to give the resignation letter without her consent. She knows nothing about it. I'm afraid somehow about her reaction when she'll find it, but I'll survive. What was very sad for me, it was the grief which almost overwhelmed me last night. It was like a sudden wave. I renounced my adventist family. Nothing will be the same like in "good old days." | ||
| Randyg Registered user Username: Randyg Post Number: 135 Registered: 12-2004 |
Jackob, I am praying for you, my brother.You have made a bold move based on your conscience and conviction. You will find that even though many in your church and family do not agree with your decision, they will recognize the courage it took to stand up for what you believe. Each and everyone of them will, at some point have to address the issues you have dealt with. You have, through your move, shown those around you that it is okay to question, search for answers,act on your conscience, make changes, and still be a loving Christian. You will be under the microscope for a while. I pray for your courage, your patience, and your unwavering love for Jesus. God will guide you through these challenging times. This will be an exciting opportunity to share the joy and freedom you have found in God's word. If your wife is like mine, I would suggest that you give her a heads up, and tell her the decision you have made, and the actions you have taken. This decision while intensely personal, will have a profound effect on others, especially your wife. My prayers are with you as you follow God's leading, Randy | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 973 Registered: 7-2004 |
Isn't there a comment in the scriptures that says "For those who sorrow in the night there will be joy in the morning." I'm all excuses because I'm simply unable to look up these texts--my Strongs is almost as big as my bed--but I do know that Jesus is faithful, and if He takes you to it, he will take you through it, and there will be Joy! Randy is right. Please make certain that your wife does not get caught blind-sided. It makes it look like you don't have a healthy marriage. God is in those little details. It appears that she will be a support to you in this decision, so you might as well bring her on-board right away. You can count on the fact that others will try to get at you through her. Jackob, I'm so proud of you. I remember when you first started posting here you were still trying to be an influence for good from within. Sometimes that works, but sometimes it's like trying to effect a cure from inside the wound. You can only view the extent of the damage from the outside. Keep on loving your friends as long as they will allow you to. This will make it clear that you did not leave out of bitterness, but rather because you have found a greater clarity, a greater joy, in Jesus. | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 974 Registered: 7-2004 |
Lisa, my prayers are yours as you need them. I have no idea the agony of losing a child yet unborn. My sister-in-law had four pregnancies and four tiny graves as testimony. Of all the women I've know I always felt she was made for motherhood, but it was not to be. She loved my two as though they were her own, and I'll always be grateful that we had her in our lives for the while that we did. He called her home, as well. I like to think that the four children still needed their Mommie, so God allowed her to be with them. All I'm saying is that sometimes the deeper the well of sadness, the brighter the light of joy when we are lifted out. I'm praying for your rescue right now. | ||
| Lisa_boyldavis Registered user Username: Lisa_boyldavis Post Number: 174 Registered: 3-2005 |
Jackob, I'm so glad you shared your pain. It's very real and can take you over if you don't ask God for an intervention. The best therapy I've done during this terrible time has been to lay on my bed with my face to the heavens and be still and ask God to come join me and speak to me. I'll be given peace unlike anything ever experienced, and joy... that's the first sign the Spirit has come to me. I have this smile on my face. I will pray that God will bring Himself to you and give you peace, joy and boldness for Him outside of your "NORMAL SELF" Thank you all for the support. I went to church and just as I've experienced over and over, sharp cold tongs were on the loose and out to destroy my heart. I did see some warm and loving people. It's sure a whip-lash. The pain can nearly shut me down. Now I'm running to God. Thank you for being there FAF friends. Lisa | ||
| Ric_b Registered user Username: Ric_b Post Number: 447 Registered: 7-2004  |
Jackob, The first weeks or couple months were a real emotional rollercoaster for us. Even though we had planned in for some time we experienced the full range of highs and lows. And some of those lows made us really wonder if we had done the right thing. That was the time that our friends here were the most help. | ||
| Randyg Registered user Username: Randyg Post Number: 136 Registered: 12-2004 |
Jackob, There is among our Adventist friends and family the pervasive idea that we who leave Adventism, are BITTER and resentful. Most will take it as a personal affront that you have followed your heart in your quest for Spiritual wholeness and integrity. While most will publicly say that we are only saved by Grace through faith in Jesus Christ, in reality many strongly feel, and have been taught that it is by SDA church affiliation that we are saved. Why else would there be all the fuss? You can feed the hungry, heal the sick, clothe the naked,cheer the lonely, love the unlovable, and yet if you do not pay lip service to ALL the 28 fundamental beliefs your salvation is in jeopardy. To recognize this fact is not bitterness, but rather reality. Continue to pray that the fruits of the Spirit will be showered upon you in abundance as never before. In the words of that old song we sang in the 70's "They will know we are Christians by our Love". Not by the depths of our theological debate, or the correctness of our worship day. It is where our Christian rubber meets the road. Continue to love God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself. This will be the legacy by which you are judged by those who doubt the authenticity of your spiritual walk. Remember, to ask yourselve the question, What would Jesus do? Jesus spent his whole ministry confronting legalism. On occasion, by directly challenging heresy and hypocrisy, but most times indirectly, by publicly living his relationship with His Father. I believe even Jesus got discouraged when dealing with the legalists of His day. Then, as now, for many the letter of the law is far more important that the spirit. I sense that for many, the outward behaviours, and rituals, IS their relationship, and identity. When this is dismissed by those who leave as no longer being paramount to salvation, it forces those who are of the law-bound mindset to actually reflect on, and reevaluate what is really important. This may not occur however, for years to come. Be true to yourself, while being supportive of those in your influence. I admire your courage, Randy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2359 Registered: 3-2004 |
Jackob, There are 5 general steps that anyone who is grieveing will go through. The grief process is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Each person goes through this differently and has individualized reactions, physically and emotionally. One does not travel this process in a neat orderly fashion. One can skip from denial to acceptance, to bargaining to anything in the process. But the process is one that all grieving people go through. Just remember that God is so awesome and He will carry you through this process. When a person leaves a marriage through divorce or death they go through this process. Leaving the SDA church is like leaving a big family, a cocoon in which one has been in all their life. But God is their to help you fly like a beautiful butterfly. He will hold you in his awesome hands until you are ready to fly/get on with life. God bless you Jackob as you tell your wife what you have done. Father in Heaven, be with Jackob in this trying time as he tells his wife of his decision and actions. Hold both of them in you awesome hands and keep them safe from evil. Thank you God. Diana | ||
| Riverfonz Registered user Username: Riverfonz Post Number: 1380 Registered: 3-2005 |
Jackob, I am delighted you have submitted your resignation letter. I agree with the advice to communicate directly with your wife on this. God is faithful to sustain you and your wife through this difficult time. God has already planned this from before the foundation of the world, and since He is sovereign and in direct control, He will sustain you through this trial of faith. God bless you and your family, Stan | ||
| Wolfgang Registered user Username: Wolfgang Post Number: 65 Registered: 10-2005 |
Jakob,I can relate to your feelings oh so well. You know what has helped me is to visit adventists forums..And to read what they are talking about,it seems abusrd that I too was one of "those" people. My husband doesnt understand why I keep subjecting myself to all of thier nonsense ,it only angers him that they continue to speak of the testimoneis as having ALL the answers etc.but it has been therapy for me. Stay strong and just keep loving your wife and gently speak to her about your choice to leave the church,she's going to find out somehow probably from "sister stern" ,or "sister nosy". I know from my family they were afraid I was leaving the church and that I was walking away from God,for some the church and God go together. But with reassurance and them seeing me staying connected they are content with my leaving SDA behind. Your wife will need to see this from you too. God bless you as you experince this incredible Exodus,God will never leave you nor forsake you. Dawn | ||
| Benevento Registered user Username: Benevento Post Number: 79 Registered: 4-2005 |
Jacob--Let me add some more advice--be sure to tell your wife how much you love her and love the Lord, and remember we are all praying for the Holy spirit to give you the right words to say! Peggy | ||
| Benevento Registered user Username: Benevento Post Number: 80 Registered: 4-2005 |
The church I am attending has its roots in the Lutheran church, and many of the members came from there. So when we mention in a group what church we have been associated with, and I say SDA, they just say "Oh, yes" like it was any other church--so I know what you all mean, no one gives you an "atta girl" for really leaving and associating with another church--but then they aren't in a cult and leaving one for another is a small thing. I'm going to re-read Dr. McBride's article in the last (Nov-Dec) Proclamation! on How to leave and survive the wilderness and I will say Thank you again for Colleen and Richard and this forum!! So many SAD's who leave don't survive the Wilderness, and give up on God!! This help is so necessary!! Peggy | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 3487 Registered: 12-2003  |
Jackob, I so understand your pain and grief. That grief is one of my most vivid memories from the process of leaving the church. Truly no one who hasn't exited from a cult such as this understands what we experience. I realize that statement sounds "exclusive", but I know it is true. I agreeótell your wife. Pray for God to prepare her heart and to give you His words. She may be angry and may even feel, for a time, that you have partially rejected her. She may feel really aloneóbut God will work in her just as He will hold you and give you His wisdom and compassion and tenderness for her. Pray that you will be able to love her for Him. Lisa, what a wonderful reassurance God has given you. Thank you for sharing that. I am praying for you both. My prayer for you and for all of us as we walk this road is this: "I pray that out of his glorious riches [God] will strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, will have the power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that suprasses knowledge, that you may be fillled to the measure of all the fulness of God. "Now to him who is able to do exceedingly more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3:16-21) Colleen | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 616 Registered: 4-2000  |
Jackob, I am delighted to learn that God has given you the courage that your convictions require. All of heaven is astir whenever Jesus is born in a new heart. He is faithful and will never forsake you. Indeed, God is counting on you to advance his kingdom. Dennis Fischer | ||
| Jackob Registered user Username: Jackob Post Number: 121 Registered: 7-2005 |
I want to thank all who are praying for me and posted a response to my announcement. I cannot distinguish between them, all have something to contribute to my journery, and encouraged me to stay close to my source of power, Jesus. I'll follow the advice, I'll tell my wife about my decision. I just wait for a proper moment. I'll come back with news when I'll have one fresh. God bless and, yes, it is such a blessing knowing that you are not alone, and others are, even at great distance with you, sharing emotions with you. Dennis, I wish I could hear you at the phone, but I'm in Romania, our timezones are very distanced, and overseas calls are very expensive. Thanks anyway for your kindness. | ||
| Seekr777 Registered user Username: Seekr777 Post Number: 424 Registered: 1-2003  |
Jockob, don't wait long to let her know. You do not want her to find out from others. NOT good ! ! <smile> We all want to be told directly and not be "blind sided" and find out from other sources. Richard rtruitt@mac.com |
