| Author | Message | ||
| Artman29 Registered user Username: Artman29 Post Number: 29 Registered: 4-2006 |
Ever since I left the church two years ago. My mother won't call very often. I just talked with my sister who is still SDA and she said very cheefully that she just spoke with our mother today and seemed so content. There relationship has always been strong and Mom has always kept in contact with her but now that I am out of the church the only calls I get are on birthdays if I'm lucky. It realy hurts me that my mom is so brainwashed that she thinks that she is doing the "right" thing by not calling. At least I now have my wifes family who is very loving and supportive or else I don't know what I would do. Andy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2482 Registered: 3-2004  |
Andy, God will provide the extended family we all like and need. Your Mom is hurt and angry that you left the "remnant" church and like lots of friends and relatives, she is ignoring you. That is okay, but God is not ignoring you. You will learn, one day, that the extended family God provides is better than blood family. That has been my experience. Just keep praying for your Mom and when and if you speak to her, be loving and kind. God has promised never to leave us, so He will be there helping you. Diana | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 1362 Registered: 7-2003 |
Andy, there is a verse that says God is near to the broken hearted. And though I can't find the reference at this second, he must be very close to you. For very different reasons, my mother and I rarely speak. We are cordial and polite when we do, but she doesn't seek me out and neither do I. I know it can be painful to leave such basic relationships, but for me, it was the only way I knew to move forward with my life. I didn't need to hear about her disappointment or rejection. It is a strange thing to have peace about when so many other things in my life create such conflict, but that is one that I have peace with. I'm sorry for her that we could not find a common ground to make an adult relationship with. I'm sorry for my kids who don't get a doting grandmother. But I am sure I made the right decision for my life and the things I needed around me. You know what you need around you at this time. Love and support and encouragement. If anyone can't provide that to you, for your own health and well-being, it's okay. It's okay to lament and mourn the losses of those relationships, but it's also okay to heal and accept their choices in the relationship as well. It's a two-way street. For this season, anyway, I would strongly encourage you to surround yourself with things that help you heal. And the people who don't, can wait. At least for a while. This advice is given with much concern as a sister-in-christ. Take it or leave it as you are comfortable. | ||
| Violet Registered user Username: Violet Post Number: 362 Registered: 2-2001 |
Andy, My heart goes out to you. It must be very difficult. Separation from the SDA orginization is often as painful as a divorce or death. All parties go through grief and loss. While we cannot control what others do, we can control how we react to it. The best way you can show your mom that you did not make a bad decision is to love her. Show her just how wonderful a God we have by letting His love flow through to her and your family. It sounds like you sister may be a good way to get the message to her. If your sister sees your love she cannot help but tell your mother. Use this to glorify God, and you will be blessed. You have a great support group here. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 3827 Registered: 12-2003  |
Andy, I also understand your loss and grief. From what you have previously said about your childhood and your mother's behavior, I would guess that her withdrawal is both about your leaving the church and about your questioning her. She will interpret your leaving as a rejection of her. Such a view is not healthy or right, but unfortunately it is the position many people take when they are insecure in their own identities. Some wounded people build their own self-image from how they can influence those around them to meet their own needs. If you take the huge step of leaving the environment and culture which was your mother's tool for control, she has lost her power to control youóat least in her own eyes. She will choose to interpret your leaving Adventism as a rejection of her. It's really important to learn what is true and real, because you were taught that responding to your mother's emotional controls was "true" and defined "being a good son." From a Biblical standpoint, however, we are to be loyal to Jesus and the word of God, and you are to honor your parents. Honoring parents, however, does not mean acting as if transgressions never happened if they did. It does mean, though, choosing not to retaliate or seek vengeance. There is a wonderful discussion of forgiveness in cases where there is no repentance on the part of the perpetrator in the Jan/Feb Proclamation by Gary Inrig. It's online on this website; go to the home page and click on the picture of Proclamation. From there you can select downloading the magazine and pick which issue you wish to have. God will send you people who will become your family in Christ, and although you may always have a place in your heart that wishes your mother would accept you for who you are rather than for what she wishes you were, God will give you a new identity and new people to support you in ways your natural mother may not be able to do. Ask God to help you know how to honor her for him without negating the reality of your situation. He will hold you and heal your heart. Colleen |
