| Author | Message | ||
| Bobbylog Registered user Username: Bobbylog Post Number: 11 Registered: 6-2006 |
my girlfriend is a non baptized person, but not an unbeliever..She believes in God, but has less emphasis on Jesus who is for her a prophet ..She tol d that the fact of not getting involved in a church is that she is revolted against the church ... but she is a very good person .... I find it sometimes absurb that because of ideologies, people are refraining their true love for each other because of religion, that would make christianity a cultic religion in it's whole ... In corinthians, Paul was like saying that the christian is free to marry whoever he wants ...eventhough the person doesn't believe in christianity ,a as long as the person has no problem with your faith, respect it and doesn't to attack it...!! and in some other verses, he like saying , becareful of that ... Can someone help me analyze the teaching of Paul on this topic of marriage with someone who doesn't believe in Christianity ...? However, we cannot force someone to believe in something, but that would not make the person stop being a person for that .... Can you someone help me in my confusion ..!! | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 1411 Registered: 7-2003 |
Bobbylog, may I introduce you to my hell? You see, I spent nearly 7 years loving an adventist, hoping and waiting for the day he would see Jesus purely, and we could be married. But my dream was not his, and ultimately God said pretty plainly "no". Do not deceive yourself about the situation and stay it in a minute longer. If you do not share the very foundation of your life, which should be your faith, then you have no true foundation. Scripture says not only not to be unequally yoked, but it asks the question of how can two walk together except they be agreed? I think the texts you are talking about are in reference to a person already married, not someone getting married. I would have eaten a text like that for breakfast and been married by lunch if I could have found it, but I couldn't. And as painful as it is, and do not underestimate that I KNOW what I'm talking about, scripture is plain. My first husband also was not "fond" of church, saying they were a bunch of hypocrits, etc. but that's just a cop out to excuse a lazy spirit and unwillingness to participate with the body of Christ. A truly born again person desires fellowship with believers. DON'T marry a non-Christian. Don't even date a non-Christian. Don't even date someone who you can't find some spiritual unity because those things never go away and will be constant thorns in the relationship. I grieve and ache for the person I lost. We had good times, but there was always the religious issues that tainted every meal and every weekend, and sometimes every day. The greater the difference, the more an issue it becomes in time. Be WISE. Do NOT do what I did. Find someone who shares your faith and shares it as passionately as you do. Otherwise, you set yourself up for unbearable grief somewhere down the road when you are forced to let go of someone you deeply love, but just can't live with. Marriage will not fix or bridge those differences. And what will you do with children? That's a reality for me, not a what-if scenario. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 4250 Registered: 12-2003  |
Bobby, in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" In the New Testament, a believer is not merely someone who believes in "God". It is someone who has placed saving faith in Jesus Christ. And yes, belief in Jesus Christ as God the Son and Savior is a dividing line between people. Jesus said He did not come to bring peace but a sword, and intimate family members would turn against those who believe in Jesusónot as a prophet, but as God the Savior. (Matthew 10:32-39) The reason Jesus is such a dividing line is that when we are in Christ we become a new creation born of the Spirit (Ephesians 1:13-14; John 3:5-6; 2 Cor. 5:17; Galatians 6:15). The new creations literally are different from those who are not. They are born of God, and He indwells them. For this reason a believing Christian cannot have a joyful, free, deeply intimate marriage with one who is not a believer. Paul's counsel on believing and unbelieving spouses was directed toward people who are already married when one of them becomes a Christian. He is saying that the believer should not divorce the unbeliever if the unbeliever wishes to remain. If the unbeliever does not wish to remain, however, the believer is to allow him/her to go in peace (1 Cor. 7:10-17). There will be deep, unresolvable tension between a true believer and an unbeliever. That being said, I believe the way you will know God's will in this decision is to read the Biblical passages, ask God to help you know His truth as you read, and then surrender this relationship to Him, asking Him to show you His will. This will only work if you're willing to surrender her to Jesusóonly if you're willing to be obedient to Him alone will you finally be able to hear God's will for you. Praying for you... Colleen | ||
| Violet Registered user Username: Violet Post Number: 435 Registered: 2-2001 |
Bobbylog, I think you may be referring to 1 Corintians 7:10-17. This is referring to married people whom one becomes a beliver after the marriage. The believer is instructed not to leave the marriage if the unbeliver is willing to stay. Paul later discusses the santification of the unbeliving spouse and children. There is on oppurtunity to let Jesus be seen in your actions and for the spouse to see this and be saved. This said, 2 Corinthinas 6:14-15 says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" Let's think about this in practical matters. Do you belive that Jesus is the Christ the Son of the living God? Do you belive that the only way to the Father is to belive in Jesus? If so why would you want to subject yourself to living a life knowing that the woman you love, married, had children with won't be in heaven? Harsh, but reality. Jesus knew that the family is the core of our lives and wanted the home to be a place you can go to and be restored. If you have a divided home this cannot happen. Sometimes its hard to say no to the one we love, but you would not want them living in an enviroment they would be uncomfortable in, just like you would be uncomfortable knowing she is not saved. Last thing, take it to the Lord, He loves you and your girlfriend, He knows who is the perfect person for you. Be it this girl or another. | ||
| Grace_alone Registered user Username: Grace_alone Post Number: 28 Registered: 6-2006  |
Bobbylog, let me tell you from experience - Please try and be practical when you're ready to get married. I thought since my boyfriend believed in Jesus and went to church every week that we were evenly/equally yoked. Boy was I wrong! My husband is a 5th generation SDA and I'm a dreaded "Sunday Keeper" Lutheran. We continue to struggle with our faith issues (both having strong backrounds and deep deep beliefs). If your faith is important to you, wait for someone who shares your same interest. It's not enough to have your partner "believe in God". That's right up there "believing in fairies" and "believing in the Easter Bunny". The bible says that even the demons believe. One good way to know...Look forward to your future. Do you hope to have children some day? If so, do you hope that they grow up with a firm Christian foundation? Can you picture yourself sitting in church alone each week because your wife has "rebelled against the church"? How about when your kids ask "why doesn't Mommy come to church with us?" I did that for 20 years. It sucks. Marriage is tough enough without adding the frustration of not being able to share your faith. Your relationship with Jesus is the most important and real part of who you are. Be very honest with yourself and ask yourself what your faith and relationship with Christ really means to you. You need a partner in that relationship, not a resentful wife. Melissa, Colleen and Violet were right. Give it up to God and don't make any rash decisions about this! True love is MORE than just a euphoric feeling. Those feelings wear off. Then the work starts. From someone who knows... Leigh Anne | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2635 Registered: 3-2004  |
Bobbylog, I married a man who became an SDA just so I would marry him, when I was SDA. As soon as we were married he dropped the facade and that is what it was. He could not understand why I did not accept him as he was. So, I go along with what Colleen, Melissa, Violet, Leigh Anne have written. Believing in God and developing a relationship with god is the most important part of life. If your partner does not want that, that person is not for you or me. Pray about this then pray some more. God has a partner out there for you, but He has not shown you yet. Diana | ||
| Cw Registered user Username: Cw Post Number: 103 Registered: 4-2006  |
Bobbylog, so far it's been all ladies that have responded to your question. And I agree with all of them. DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED. I quoted that scripture to my daughter in one of the rare discussions she allowed me in reference to her SDA boyfriend. Her response was "But we are both believers" so be prepared for that answer. There is a fantastic lady out there for you who believes as you believe. Your faith in Christ must be THE most important thing in your life and you can't let anything or anyone come between you and Him. My wife and I have 5 marriages between us-this is my 3rd and her 2nd. We both know that unless we strive to be close to Christ both together and as individuals our capacity to be close to each other suffers. Love feels so good that it's hard to think in practical terms sometimes. That's why I fear for my daughter. This is the first time she has been truly in love and she WANTS to believe everything her boyfriend and his parents tell her about the SDA church. I don't know your background or your age but God will give you wisdom in this. Spend much time in the Word and on your knees and seek His will. He will also ease the pain of a breakup. Hey, you ask the hard questions of this group and you get the hard answers partner. CW | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 1413 Registered: 7-2003 |
"He will also ease the pain of a breakup." I might disagree with that statement. But I will quote what Colleen has said to me a dozen times....he will walk with us through it. It is not easy and it is not fun and it hurts worse than anything I could imagine. But there is a resignation that this is the "right" thing, even though it feels like the wrong thing. Sometimes the right thing is very hard. | ||
| Agapetos Registered user Username: Agapetos Post Number: 139 Registered: 10-2002  |
Hi Bobbylog, A little more here from another guy... I want to echo Colleen's last words: Surrender it to God. I don't know how old you are (I'm 28), but often in the years before getting married I felt like there was no tomorrow. If I was in a relationship and it looked like it was teetering on the edge, I felt like it would be the end of the world if it ended. It was as if I was deciding eternity at the moment! Some time later I was madly in love with one girl (who probably didn't know I felt that way about her!) and I was crying my heart out to God, asking Him if I'd ever be with her because it seemed so impossible. That was the first time I ever heard God: He said "Wait". Not "Yes" or "No", but "wait". I cried and cried when I heard that, not because I was sad, but because His love shone through it. Maybe I would be with her, but maybe I wouldn't. And if I wouldn't, it would be because He had someone *better* for me. Better! When He said "wait", I knew that He knew what would make me truly, truly happy. I know you must love this girl you are with now, but give the relationship to God. He is your Number 1. I don't mean that you need to pretend like you love Him above everything else... yes, you should, but you can't artificially manufacture that kind of love for Him. That kind of love will come when you begin to understand that YOU ARE *HIS* FIRST LOVE. Ask Him first to reveal His love for you: you are His first love. He saw you and loved you before you were born, long before you ever decided to love Him. Before you even thought of doing any of the bad things or having any bad thoughts, He loved you. He knew all the bad things you would do, all the bad thoughts you would have, and He chose do die for you. Whether you eventually chose Him or not, He loved you and He chose to die for you. As you know Him who loves you so much, yes, He's gotta be first for you. He reaches deep inside of you; He knows you when you're naked! He knows you when you're going to the bathroom! He knows you completely, and He loves you. He is intimately part of you. A relationship (which is the beginning of marriage) means sharing your whole life with someone else. A relationship means sharing all of you with another person---your heart, soul, body, and spirit. You become naked with another person, not only in body, but in soul. If you know you are Jesus' first love (and you are His first love!), then Christ is going to be your first love (either now, sooner or later). He's an intimate part of you. There is no way you can *not* share this with someone while you're in a relationship. If you "get naked" with someone, then they're going to see Jesus. If you hold back and don't let them honestly see Jesus, then you're going to be hiding something from them... It's never good to hide things in a relationship. Darkness gives the enemy room to traffic in your life. Hidden things give the enemy grounds to work guilt, fear and supsicion not only in your mate, but also in you. Further, if you hide Jesus, it will make you feel like you're betraying Jesus---whether you are or not isn't the point, because the enemy is going to pound you with accusations that you are betraying Christ, and as long as you keep Him hidden from your mate, the enemy will have a place to accuse you. #1 - Let Jesus be first in your life (this will happen more and more as you understand that He has made you first in His life!) #2 - Give this relationship to God. He truly knows what will make you happy, more happy than you can imagine even now. #3 - Be completely honest with your girlfriend, and trust the outcome to God. If she accepts you, move forward and be naked & unashamed about God. If she doesn't accept you, God will help you through breakup and healing, and in spite of the tears, somehow He will turn sadness into rejoicing. He turned the Cross into resurrection, and He will bring life out of death in your life, too. God bless you, bro, as you seek His face and rest in Him, Ramone | ||
| Agapetos Registered user Username: Agapetos Post Number: 140 Registered: 10-2002 |
P.S.--- Bobbylog, I didn't address what you wrote about religion vs. relationships & preventing true love. The reason I didn't is because Jesus is REAL. He's not some "religion". It's not about "Christianity"; rather, it's about this REAL Person named Jesus who loves you an incredible deal, so much that He lived a perfect life for you, died for you, and now lives to watch over you. If you're unsure about any of these things, talk to Him now and ask Him to show you how much He loves you and how real He is. In His time and in His way, He will show you. He's promised to do that (John 14:21). His love for you is very real, and He Himself is very real; He is closer than the air you're breathing. Often when we love someone very much, it's very easy for that love to seem more real than His love, and then it's easy for us to weigh "God" against "true love", as if they were in tension. But God *invented* love! He invented true love. Your true love is safer in His hands than anywhere else! Your true love is safer in His hands than in your hands! Not only that, He loves your partner more than you do. He created her, too. God made you. God made love. God made sex. God made every wonderful feeling you receive from a loving relationship. He created them for you. But if we think we know better than the Inventor, we're kidding ourselves. God is the ultimate Lover. He made love, He made passion, He made sexual delight. If you follow God and listen to Him, He will make your relationship better than anything you can do. But if you don't listen to the Inventor, you'll miss out on the greatest that your relationship can be. God can teach you how to really love your mate, how to love her more than you love yourself. He can teach you how to love her in her own language, in a way that she understands love. Marriage & love is something so awesome that Paul compared it to the mystery of Jesus & the church in Ephesians 5. In fact, I think there are things about God that we can only learn from being in a loving relationship. But you can only learn that when you let Him be God, when you let the Inventor tell you how to operate the machine (if you get my meaning!). If we think we can operate the machine better than Him, then something can definitely break and leave us in more despair than we could ever imagine. We might think it's romantic to dramatically pursue romantic love at all costs, even if it turns out to be painful---"Aaah, but that despair from love lost!" In such case, we haven't the faintest clue of how wonderful and deep love can be! In such case, we've stayed in the shallow end of the pool and haven't even gone near the deep end---the beautiful depths of love. Again, this is not about religion vs. true love. This is about a very Real Person who loves you more than you can imagine. And it's about the fact that this same very Real Person is the one who invented love, who invented true love, who invented relationship, who invented intimacy and sex. He invented love for you, but love will be hollow if we leave the Inventor & Instructor behind! God *IS* love. If we leave Love Himself behind, how can we truly know "true love"? | ||
| Grace_alone Registered user Username: Grace_alone Post Number: 29 Registered: 6-2006 |
Ramone, *sniff sniff*, That was beautiful and so true! When you truly give yourself over to God you become the best and most complete "You". (That is as much as you can be here on Earth) I find that the times I can really be myself is when I'm around other believers in Christ like me. When I'm not, there's always that very important side of me that I can't express fully. When you absolutely "be naked and unashamed" with your spouse (no pun intended) it makes for a real and full marriage. Don't get me wrong - it doesn't solve all the issues that come up. But it does give couples a stronger coping mechanism which is so important for a lifelong partnership.  Leigh Anne | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 160 Registered: 2-2006 |
Bobby, I met and married two men in my lifetime--in a church-- believing that they were 'Believers' from their rhetoric about 'God'. I did not know enough, at that time (being an Ex-SDA) to realize what their core God-doctrine was, let alone the pure Gospel. In the end, they were not grace oriented; knew not of my Lord, Jesus Christ, let alone led by the Holy Spirit and his fruits. They abused, betrayed and abandoned my children and me beyond words; the pain and scars affecting us to date. Be sure you walk in heart, soul and mind agreement with the same faith, Spirit and Lord. Be very, very sure for your mutual peace, love and joy and your children's peace and inner security, and future. People can say anything, act anything (even unconsciously) about what they believe before marriage (and even believe it themselves) but the hearts, souls and spirits together--bonding or not-- are a very different matter in marriage (the rubber hits the road for maturity and faith, besides all else); and in raising chidren in a spiritual (and, at times, moral) environment, together, without serious battles and/or subtle deceits. I am sorry if this sounds harsh or negative, but my experience (more than once), my observations of friends (male and female) and others, I have heard about, has born these sad tragic lives out because we did not listen to the Holy Spirit and/or more mature spiritual counselors. Much sorrow followed. And the children 'pay' and carry the cost the most. Hearts break and shatter. Spare yourself, her and any future children, if you love not the same Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God; eternal God, born of woman; man, died and risen for us. You cannot trust illusions; you can trust reality. Even though it hurts. That will pass. Pain from illusions may not pass as soon. Thank you, Bobby, for trusting us in asking these heart-questions. I pray that your heart's desires are answered and met by your Lord in his time. And for your girl, too. All in his will, which is for your and her best good. May she know Him, Jesus Christ~ Keep posting and letting us know and how to pray for you. In Christ's caring~ Cathy | ||
| Cw Registered user Username: Cw Post Number: 104 Registered: 4-2006 |
Melissa, I stand humbly corrected. The break up of a serious relationship feels like an on-going kick in the stomach that only time will lessen. I just got an e-mail from my ex-wife whom I haven't seen or heard from in years and now lives out of state. It seems she found some old photos and such of mine which she has graciously offered to mail to me and needed my new address. It was an ugly and painful divorce and years ago she would have just burned this stuff. Now I would have done the same for her if I found her belongings among mine. But I stand at least somewhat on my "He will also ease the pain of a breakup" statement. It's a bummer even with God-consider going through it without Him. CW | ||
| Mwh Registered user Username: Mwh Post Number: 80 Registered: 4-2006  |
Here's my two cents, I'm 25 years old and single, I have fallen in love with Jesus Christ and I have feelt his love. Now I'm looking for a woman who loves him as well, and I wont settle for anything less. I want to share my love for Jesus with her, and logically I can't do that with a woman who does not love Jesus. I pray for you and your girlfriend, that the Holy Spirit may touch her and she will fall in love with Jesus our God and that you may find all the love, security and peace you need in Jesus. Jesus has done it all! |
