| Author | Message | ||
| Lovebooks Registered user Username: Lovebooks Post Number: 1 Registered: 10-2005 |
I'd like to introduce myself, but for reasons which will be clear below, don't want to give my name. Have been reading the forum with great interest for at least a year now, and realize that there may be someone here who could give good advice. I'm an Adventist and a conservative SDA pastor's wife, but I can't believe in EGW, or certain church doctrines relating to vegetarianism, alcohol, investigative judgment, 1844, etc. (Ironically, studied myself into this position while preparing to give Bible studies to "interests" after a Ken Cox campaign) I have questions about other doctrines such as salvation, tithing, and end-time events. But I do believe in the Sabbath and the state of the dead more or less as taught. Lately, I've become more and more uncomfortable attending church, although I attend every week (and several times a week at times, naturally!) and have stepped down from as many of my duties as possible. I would like to have my membership dropped, but if I do this or even make my thoughts public in any way, my husband will lose his job (he's been a pastor for over 20 years). I've asked him to see if he could find a position as a chaplain where my church membership would not be so big a problem, but he is not interested in this. Our marriage has been fine so far, even after I told him about 18 months ago that I didn't believe in EGW. However, if I (as it will surely seem to him) wantonly destroy his career I can't imagine what will happen. It's not something we can even talk about. To complicate things, we have a number of children, and one is of the age to want to be baptized. I can't possibly encourage her to be baptized into the SDA church, but can't talk honestly with her about the reasons ... I feel as though I'm drifting spiritually, and want to attend some other church (even if on Sunday!) just so I don't lose my salvation along with everything else. Does anyone have practical ideas? Of course I pray, but it hardly seems real anymore. I wonder if by not leaving the church I'm preventing God from speaking further to me ...? Thank you for any ideas! | ||
| Riverfonz Registered user Username: Riverfonz Post Number: 1892 Registered: 3-2005 |
Lovebooks, Welcome to FAF. I am sure many on here can give you good advice. Does your husband allow for the possibility that SDA theology is wrong, or that EGW is not who she claimed to be? I would also encourage you not to feel like you have lost your salvation because you don't attend church. The Bible is filled with wonderful promises about how God preserves all of His children, and ensures that none who are truly born again will be lost. As God continues to work in your life, there will likely be a time soon, when you may need to take a firmer stand on these issues, but God will lead you to that place. There is a supportive environment here. Stan | ||
| Honestwitness Registered user Username: Honestwitness Post Number: 90 Registered: 7-2005  |
Dear Lovebooks, I completely understand your desire to use a screen name. I do the same thing for a similar reason. My husband is an elder, and has been for many years. However, he's never been a pastor, so our financial sustenance doesn't depend on his position in the church. What a sticky situation you're in! Whew! I know how you feel about being uncomfortable attending church and feeling like you're drifting spiritually. I didn't know just how much under a black cloud I was, until I stopped attending the Adventist church and started attending mainstream Protestant churches...yes...on Sunday. I found several churches that do a wonderful job of teaching right out of the Bible, and settled on one near my home. It's a Presbyterian church, that has an early traditional service, as well as a later contemporary service on Sunday mornings. It takes about a third out of my Sundays, which brings the challenge of rescheduling my chore time. But it's so very worth it! I've been experiencing a deluge of spiritual blessings since I made my official move from Adventism to mainstream Protestant Christianity. One day, you'll probably come to the point that you must be honest with your loved ones about your beliefs. This is never easy for anyone whose family members believe different things, but it's especially challenging for SDAs. I've told my husband that I appreciate him for practicing the principles of religious liberty in our home. Our marriage is doing fine, but we don't discuss our differences. We just agree to disagree. As far as children are concerned, I have 3 grown sons in their 30's from a previous marriage and hubby has a 22 year old son from his previous marriage. That makes it much easier, as our children are 'his' and 'hers.' All our sons were long gone from the nest when I made my exit from the SDA church. My sons were not raised in Adventism anyway, so they're not bothered by this at all. His son, on the other hand, was raised SDA, but hasn't lived with us for several years. I haven't had any contact with his son, other than a quick hello on the phone, for several years anyway. One of the responsibilities we all have as parents it to be honest with our children, which in turn teaches them honesty. Yes, we should shield them from unnecessary awareness of conflict and troubling thoughts. But when they reach a certain age, the Lord shows us we can reveal more to them about things of which they've been blissfully unaware. As long as we do this with the right spirit, our children will learn it's ok for there to be differences and still be respectful. I would say not to worry about your child being baptized, as long as you reassure her she is being baptized into the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, not into any church creed. Show her the New Testament passages about baptism and emphasize the Biblical process. She can then take her baptism experience with her, if she should ever decide to leave Adventism, too. Lovebooks, I feel a special closeness to you, because our situations are somewhat similar. You're a dear sister to me, already. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Please continue to post on this forum, as you will receive a lot of encouragement from this wonderful group of people. I welcome your personal communication, if you should so choose, at fileservice@ureach.com. Floating on His Wings, Honestwitness | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 162 Registered: 2-2006 |
Dear Lovebooks, Welcome! I'm sorry, I don't have any practical ideas other than continued prayer and not forcing the issue with your husband. His job, which is a part of feeding his family, his identity, plus his faith, is a pretty big issue and a part of life for him to try to process. It would take a lot of time and the Holy Spirit, as it did for you. I sure can understand your feelings over your child. We mothers want what is spiritually best for them as much as anything else. I can understand how prayer may feel unreal, right now, but God still hears you. Reading Psalms might help you relate to David, when he felt like that. We will pray for you here. God has not left you nor stopped 'speaking' to you just becasue you haven't left the Adventist church. He spoke to you this far... His Word--in Christ with and in you, too--speaks to you. Christ is not dependent on our logistics nor our thoughts and feelings. He loved you and knew you before you were born, and knows where you are, and will bring you and your fmaily where you are meant to be at the right time. Just continue with him--even when it doesn't feel like it-- and love your family (I know you do). You are saved, beloved by Christ--not in 'danger' of losing your salvation. You are just beginning to find it--the joy of your salvation. You'll see. He is with you, always, never forsaken. Niether is your family. Those are the only ideas I have. Others might have more 'nuts and bolts' advice to help ease you. Prayers for you and your family~ Cathy | ||
| U2bsda Registered user Username: U2bsda Post Number: 48 Registered: 11-2004 |
Welcome Lovebooks! Happy to meet you  It sounds like you are in a tough position. I will be praying for you. For the sake of your marriage and children I would most likely continue to go to church with your family, but you would most likely need to look at your attendance as nothing more than doing it to please your husband. I don't believe God would want you to break up your marriage or cause tremendous grief to your husband and children over this. I would seek out any church fellowship groups in the area so you can meet other Christian women and talk about things of God. Also, I would find books and listen to sermons online to help feed you spirtually. Please do not be concerned about your salvation over this. The Bible says in Romans 10: 9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, ìWhoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.î[f] 12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. 13 For ìwhoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.î[g] If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior then you can rest in Him and have assurance of your salvation. Can you talk to your husband about your children? Whether or not your child is baptized you should be able to emphasize the good news of Jesus and what He did for us. | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 1405 Registered: 10-2004  |
Lovebooks, Welcome to the forum! So glad you've joined us. As far as practical ideas, would your husband lose his job if you just quit attending but don't drop your membership? If you don't feel that you can quit attending the SDA church, have you thought about attending another church (either on Sunday or Saturday night) while still attending your current church also? I know that others have done this in transitioning out of SDA. Or you could join a Bible study group from another church (or an inter-denominational Bible study). It is important to seek out Christian fellowship, though, as U2 suggested above. It is also important to be fed good spiritual food, and also as U2 said, perhaps you could at least listen to/watch sermons online. Former SDA Pastor J. Mark Martin's services from his church (Calvary Community Church in Phoenix) are broadcast live over the internet (audio and video) at http://www.calvaryphx.com/ His messages have been very helpful to many of us who have come from Adventist backgrounds. You can listen to/download some of his messages which specifically address certain SDA issues at http://www.sdaoutreach.org/ in the Audio section. There are also testimonies and interviews with former Adventists on there that you can listen to. I'm interested in what you mean, specifically, when you say that you "have questions about other doctrines such as salvation..."? God bless you as seek the truth of His Word alone! Jeremy (Message edited by Jeremy on July 15, 2006) | ||
| Benevento Registered user Username: Benevento Post Number: 119 Registered: 4-2005 |
Welcome Love Books!! You have a difficult situation, I do believe that there are many sincere souls in the SDA church who will be saved, and God will be with you. I have a dear sister in law who has never paid the slightest attention to EGW or the doctrines, has studied her Bible religiously and is truly an inspiration of Christian living. (of course she didn't pay any attention because she wasn't interested,if asked she would probably say she believes it all) One suggestion, if you live in an area that has International Bible Study Fellowship, they will be studying Romans starting this fall, you do not discuss other religions in the class, which I found frustrating but in your case might be very helpful, and you would meet people from many different churches. Some are pastors wives. Praying for you!! Peggy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2670 Registered: 3-2004  |
Dear Lovebooks, God brought you here and I am so glad you are here. You are not in an easy situation, but through it all God is holding on to you and will never let you go or drop you. I would like to say that I have been through a similar situation, but I have not. So, all I can say is that I will pray for you and your family. Through this all you will see how awesome God is. Diana | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 566 Registered: 8-2004  |
Welcome Lovebooks! First of all, glad to see you here! I have lived thru a similar situation to what you describe, though my husband was a 'church worker' for the SDARM rather than the SDA church. I will be especially praying that God will make Himself known to you and will give you comfort and confidence along with whatever other guidance He gives you. He is faithful and will honor your trust! Blessings, Mary | ||
| Snowboardingmom Registered user Username: Snowboardingmom Post Number: 143 Registered: 11-2005 |
Welcome Lovebooks! You've come to a great place for support, prayer requests, and questions! This forum has helped me so much. This past spring, I joined a Women's Bible study group at one of the local churches we've been attending (a Sunday church). It was so nice to be able to fellowship, share, and study with other women with the identity not as an Adventist, a former Adventist, or so and so's daughter, wife, etc. My only identity was that I was a Christ-follower desiring to grow spiritually. Being in a group of fellow believers like that really changed my outlook on a lot of things. That was the type of environment that I really needed during that time. It was safe, supportive, and gospel-oriented. That type of community, or Bible study group may be something that might be helpful for you as you continue to seek out His Word, and give you the support you need as His will continues to unfold in your life. I'll be praying for you and your family. Glad you joined us! Grace | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 4325 Registered: 12-2003  |
Dear LoveBooks, I'm so glad you've joined us. I can understand how alone you must feel, and how hobbled. God never leaves us without His comfort and provision. I'd like to echo the suggestions re: possibly attending a Sunday church if your husband won't feel too betrayedóor finding a Bible study group in the community. A couple other international Bible studies you might also check out are Community Bible Study and Bible Study Fellowship. And if there is a local church with a good women's Bible study, that could also be excellent. There is something remarkable about getting to know a small group of women who will pray for you and pray for your husband and children. Honestwitness is so right about needing, ultimately, to be honest with your children. But I've discovered that God is completely faithful to help us know when to say what. Ask Him to give you opportunities and wisdom and words to say, and trust Him patiently to present you the right openings. He DOES orchestrate things so we can speak and grow in truth. You are right that not following God's leading if He is nudging you in any direction does result in a certain spiritual shutting down. But your salvation is not at riskóand following God's leading may not actually end up looking like what you think it will look like. His provisions for us, sometimes, are completely unexpected. But He doesn't leave us to stagnate. He is faithful to complete what He begins in us (Phil. 1:6). I echo Jeremy's interest in your questions about other doctrines...could you say a bit more? You have come to a wonderful place of support and prayerówe look forward to getting to know you better. I will also be praying for you and your family. Colleen | ||
| Grace_alone Registered user Username: Grace_alone Post Number: 68 Registered: 6-2006  |
Hi Lovebooks! I'm a newbie here too. Please let me tell you that you've come to the right place. The people here are so loving, knowledgable and kind. You'll quickly find yourself among friends! This group is truly a great source of comfort and encouragement. I came in because my husband was raised SDA (I'm a "never-been") and we struggle with Sabbath issues, EGW, and deep-seeded doctrines. I'm concerned about our kids like you are. I thank God for this forum - it's been a HUGE help. God bless you ~ Add my prayers to the bunch! Leigh Anne | ||
| 91steps Registered user Username: 91steps Post Number: 72 Registered: 8-2005  |
Hello Lovebooks, I too was in a sticky situation, I was employed at the GC, World HQ as a security officer for over 6 years. About 4 1/2 years ago I told my wife I was no longer going to pay tithe, to prevent the GC from wasting my portion to fatten the salaries of the higher ups. Anyhow, my wife is still employed at the "puzzle palace", and I left there about 9 months ago. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to be back working in the world, to be able to work with OTA, (Other Then Adventists). I stopped attending church over 1 1/2 years ago, and I think I got maybe 2 phone calls and a few e-mails from two of the elders asking what was wrong, those stopped about 1 year ago. When I left the church I was going to resign my membership, but I knew I would lose my job at the GC immediately. My level of faith wasn't quite as strong as it should have been, so I stayed on until the Lord blessed me with a new job. Long and short is I submitted my resignation letter to my wife, church clerk, about 4 weeks ago. I stated quite clearly in my 3 1/2 page letter I wanted NO contact at all from the pastor or elders, told them not to bother since they didn't care about me before. I got a swarmy letter from the pastor two weeks ago, pretty much begging me to reconsider. They are afraid if they lose too many member the conference will close the church. I stated my mind was made up, not to bother to try to get me to change my mind, and to leave my wife out of my decision. I was quite adamant on that postion, I stated several times that my decision to leave was my own, my wife supports me. And I also stated that my leaving will in no way cause any grief towards my wife, to leave her out of it. Alls I can say Lovebooks is to keep praying for your husband. If you want some insight on the SDA Chaplains Dept please feel free to e-mail me: jsbelljr83@verizon.net. My wish is for you to come to a good choice that will not hurt your husband. God Bless, Sam | ||
| Mwh Registered user Username: Mwh Post Number: 91 Registered: 4-2006  |
Welcome Lovebooks! I'm not an ex SDA or SDA i'm just a Christian that has a SDA friend, who I'm trying to help and witness to. I'm praying for you right now, that Jes™s, God himself will reach down to you and comfort, guide and pour out his love over you and your family. Don't be afraid. | ||
| Jerry Registered user Username: Jerry Post Number: 493 Registered: 6-2002 |
Welcome Lovebooks! Sorry, no advice here, just sympathy and concern. Although my spouse was not a pastor, she also professed that my rejection of SDAism would not be such a problem. I'm afraid that our situation did not work out so well. In the end, her assurances proved to be quite hollow. Maybe I could have handled the situation better, but it is way to late now. All that may have no relationship to how your situation will turn out. I have heard of different outcomes here and elsewhere. All I am saying is: I know this is very tough, but God will put you where He wants you to be. Praying for you, Jerry | ||
| Cw Registered user Username: Cw Post Number: 109 Registered: 4-2006  |
Hi Lovebooks, welcome to the forum. I'm not SDA but you are in my prayers. God loves you and respects your decision to distance yourself from EGW so He will draw you closer to Him for it, not push you away. Because of my daughter dating an SDA member and showing an interest in following him into it I have learned over the last year to memorize scripture. It brings peace in this far and away more than I thought it would. Through it I am closer to the Lord now than ever in my 61 years. We truly do learn perseverance through trials. CW | ||
| Lynne Registered user Username: Lynne Post Number: 471 Registered: 10-2005 |
Lovebooks - You and your family are very much in my prayers. Psalm 145:13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. | ||
| Agapetos Registered user Username: Agapetos Post Number: 190 Registered: 10-2002  |
Lovebooks--- I'm praying for you! You've reached out to the eternal God, and He won't let you down. He'll make a way out (1st Corinthians 10:13). In His love which will never let you go, Ramone | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2673 Registered: 3-2004 |
When I read how everyone is reaching out to Lovebooks, I get teary eyed at the love shown. I thank God for each of you, that each of you are in my life and the life of everyone on this forum. God is awesome in how He provides for us. Diana | ||
| Pegg Registered user Username: Pegg Post Number: 31 Registered: 2-2006 |
Hello Lovebooks! I have been tormented by your story since I first read your post. I prayed for you right then and there, and I have kept you on my prayermind since. I want to invite you to join a Bible Study Group that I am a part of that meets by telephone (conference call). I spoke with the group this morning and we are all in agreement that you would be very welcome if you feel that it is possible and would be helpful to you. I will be sending an e-mail to the moderator of the forum and ask him/her to pass it on to you. It will contain my contact information. I will look forward to hearing from you. In the meantime, I pray for God to pour out His favor on your soul. Remember, We're All Still Searching! Pegg | ||
| Lindylou Registered user Username: Lindylou Post Number: 158 Registered: 1-2005  |
Dear Lovebooks, Wow! You are in a tight spot! But it is obvious that you love the Lord! And He WILL work this out for you! My mom left the SDA church while my dad was still working in a regional conference office. It was not easy for them - my dad went to church alone from that point on.... and your situation is so more difficult, being a pastor's wife! I cannot imagine the sense of inner conflict you must be going through! It gives me the willies just thinking about it! I had not completely broken away from the SDA church when my oldest daughter wanted to be baptised. We sat down and talked about what it meant and I showed her that baptism is NOT the same thing as church membership. We both decided that she would be baptised into Christ but when it came time to have her voted into church membership, she did not participate. I'm not sure if that would work with your family, however, since you are an SDA "celebrity". (I was a principal's daughter and know how that feels - esp.when you don't agree with the things your parent/spouse is basing their job on!) I am so glad you were brave and decided to tell your story here. You have many prayers being said on your behalf. It will be exciting to see how God works with one out! Please stay in touch and keep us posted. Keep up your courage and follow your heart! | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 1054 Registered: 7-2004 |
Dear Lovebooks, As I recall, pastors' wives are seen as an appendage, and it is simply assumed that you will be in perfect lockstep with all of the doctrines of the church, lead all the sewing circles, perform all of the wifely duties required by the local church as well as be a good wife to your husband. Jesus is so much more important than all of the other things, though. I can't recall who said it, but your salvation is assured through Christ and not through membership in an organization, or denominational assent. I pray that your husband will practice what he preaches about religious liberty, especially where you are concerned. When I walked away from Adventism it was relatively easy because my husband was not SDA, so he didn't have an ax to grind one way or the other. With regard to my kids, it was important to me that I eliminate all of EGW's books from my shelves as quickly as possible. My son was 10 at the time, and when he saw me packing up the books he protested (he had attended Adventist schools for several years by then) saying that he had intended to read them one day. That only served to make me work harder to get them gone. You will not have that option, and you will need to gently honor your husband's and your childrens' religious choices while continuing to honor your own. You have the right to chose who you will serve, and how you will serve him. I trust that by now you are experiencing being bathed in prayer. Please let us know how you are doing, and how the Lord is opening up doors and windows for you. May God richly bless you as you set foot to a new, perhaps uncertain, but oh, so exciting path of discovery. | ||
| Pegg Registered user Username: Pegg Post Number: 32 Registered: 2-2006 |
Hello Lovebooks! As I mentioned above, the members of my Bible Study Group and I wish to invite you to join us. We are a group of 4 former SDAs who are led by Steve Kurtwright, a former Church Of God (Seventh Day) minister. You can read Steve's story here: http://www.sdaoutreach.org/Home/Testimonies/Kurtwright/tabid/67/Default.aspx. We are presently studying the book of Romans. Lovebooks, we have nothing to urge, but would like to offer you our support. You would not need to reveal your idenity to our group. That would be entirely up to you. I did contact Coleen Tinker about sending my contact information to you, however she has told me that she is unable to locate your e-mail address at this time. If you will e-mail her at <formeradventist@yahoo.com>, she has my permission to give you the information you will need, including my e-mail address and/or phone number. No matter what, please know that you are in our prayers. Steve especially was touched by your situation. He said that his wife became ready to leave their church before he was able to consider it. Do take heart. God is very close to you! Your loving sister in Christ, Peggy Pursley | ||
| Jorgfe Registered user Username: Jorgfe Post Number: 239 Registered: 11-2005 |
Welcome Lovebooks! You are in an especially difficult situation. You are in our prayers. The posts above have pretty well expressed my sentiments as well. I have also found the audio sermons from Clay Peck's site, http://www.graceplace.org/default.aspx?pid=51 to be excellent as well as his Covent studies at http://www.graceplace.org/default.aspx?pid=58 He used to be a pastor for the Rocky Mountain Conference. An excellent testimony that may help you in clarifying your thoughts is that of Pastor David DePinho at http://www.ellenwhite.org/testimonydd.htm . It is my prayer that some day your husband will also have a similar testimony. You have found a very supportive family here. We all love you and want to do everything that we can to provide you with the encouragement this forum has provided us. Gilbert Jorgensen | ||
| Honestwitness Registered user Username: Honestwitness Post Number: 101 Registered: 7-2005 |
Lovebooks, I'm still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Are you doing all right? Honestwitness | ||
| Susan_2 Registered user Username: Susan_2 Post Number: 2266 Registered: 11-2002 |
Lovebooks, I welcome you, too. As you have noticed while reading during the past year we on here often share our joys and our heartaches. We bare our souls and cry out to each other for prayers and concern. Welcome. | ||
| Pegg Registered user Username: Pegg Post Number: 33 Registered: 2-2006 |
Hello Lovebooks! I wanted you to know that I'm still thinking about you, as well. I pray for you often. You know we are here whenever you may need us. By the way, when you post again, you might want to start a new thread. That way it will get up to the top of the list and we'll be sure to see it. This one is getting pretty far below my screen level. I'd hate for you to post, and we miss it. You're on my prayer list. I speak to Him about you every day. Your Loving Sister In Christ, Pegg |
