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U2bsda
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Username: U2bsda

Post Number: 110
Registered: 11-2004
Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 7:38 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Have you told your family and friends how you feel or let them make their own assumptions? I haven't had the guts to tell my family how I really feel and how I think SDAism is cultish and very wrong on so many things. I haven't been shunned by my very SDA family, but talking about beliefs is something that is avoided. When I was leaving SDAism I shared my excitement about new things I was finding out and their response was to cry. I know my leaving the SDA church caused them alot of pain and I don't want to cause them further pain. But am I living a lie? Do they need to know how I really feel or just let them live in the ignoring or denial? They know I am active in my new found faith and will even attend church with me when they visit. I will not go to church with them or allow my children to go to a SDA church unless someone is getting married, etc so maybe they have an idea. I know they have hope that I will come back to the "truth" though because I overheard them talking that if I hear a certain SDA preacher that I used to listen to all the time then maybe I will come back to the "truth". I've been given many SDA children's books that will never be read to/by my children. So do you think it is better to just let the topic lie dormant or should I discuss this with them? I've held back on some expression of my beliefs when I am around them because I am always conscious of our differences. Being of the charismatic persuasion we do have quite a bit of differences! I know it is wrong, but I do not even have the hope that they will one day leave Adventism. I know all things are possible with God, but I have yet to wrap my mind around the possiblilty of them leaving SDAism though since they live, breath, and work for the church.

Any thoughts?
U2bsda
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Username: U2bsda

Post Number: 111
Registered: 11-2004
Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 7:44 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I neglected to mention that I've purposely avoided leaving a testimony or my name on a site like this or other former sda places because I do not want my family to see what I really feel because it will cause them great pain. Even here, I've tried to avoid anything specific so I won't be identified. I'm itching to break down that barrier, but don't think the pain caused my family is worth the satisfying the itch.
Helovesme2
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Username: Helovesme2

Post Number: 617
Registered: 8-2004


Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 9:31 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Regarding telling your family, I think there's a time to speak and a time to keep silent. As you walk in the Spirit, God will give you the strength to face your own past, and, as you heal, will give you the openings and the words to be the means of healing to others - whether that is your family members or not.

In the meantime, you get to have the joy of praying for them!

Blessings,

Mary

(Message edited by helovesme2 on August 25, 2006)
Susan_2
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Username: Susan_2

Post Number: 2319
Registered: 11-2002
Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 3:40 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Dear U2Bsda, I also do not leave much personal info on these public forums because of family hostility. The hostility SDA's often feel towards those who leave the SDA is the main reason I consider the SDA a cult or at least cultish. Think about it. Have you ever met anyone who was for instance raised Methodist and then became Lutheran as an adult being shunned and considered lost by his Methodist kin? I doubt if that sort of thing happens. I consider the SDA a very closed society. Yes, the members live in the regular neighborhoods but they pretty much for the most part shun getting close and friendly to non-SDA's. They send their children to SDA schools, SDA summer camps, read only 'Christian literature' put out by SDA publishing companies, and so on and so forth. How many of you out there reading this who were raised SDA were actually encouraged as youngsteers to have playmates and friends who were not SDA? How many of you out there ever went to your neighbors Friday night barbeques? EGW said in the very last days before the next return of Jesus SDA's would leave the truth and would be more anti-SDA than the Babalyoian Christians, that's us, folks. We are reinforcing their belief in EGW and SDA. What a stupid prophecy that was! She knew she was loony so she predicted in the last days folks would figure out how loony she was and that was proof that they were lost. It's enough to get us formers to drink a beer, or at least a Coke.
Colleentinker
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Username: Colleentinker

Post Number: 4504
Registered: 12-2003


Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 3:46 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2, I think Mary gave wise advice. I believe, though, that the day will come when you will need to tell them. Not to tell them would mean to be living a lie.

Richard and I waited two years to tell his parents. Like you, we know that our "news" would be extremely painful and would likely change the nature of our relationship. It became awkward, however, to be around themóbecause we just couldn't pretend any longer to have the same beliefs and observances we had hadóor that they had.

To be sure, the shock changed our relationshipóbut even though in many ways it deteriorated, it simultaneously became more honest. It's a strange ironyóbut at least we're not doing a dance of pretending with them.

Ask God to give you openings and the words to say. He wil make it clear when you should speak.

Colleen
Flyinglady
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Username: Flyinglady

Post Number: 2757
Registered: 3-2004


Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 3:56 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2, Keep praying. God will let you know when the right opportunity comes to say something. Until then pray and pray some more. God is with you and He wants your family also.
Diana
Melissa
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Username: Melissa

Post Number: 1465
Registered: 7-2003
Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 6:14 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

While I never was an SDA, I never was silent about what I discovered as I researched the religion. I really don't know how the relationship may have been different had I kept silent, but I felt to do so would have been more dishonest than I could be. Now, it wasn't family for me, but it is my son's family and the obvious wall that exists is blatant. They are cordial when forced to be around me, but I'm sure they are just as content to not have to encounter me. I am obviously an outsider. Right now, my son is young, but I am curious how they will treat him as he gets older because he is not a 'purebred' sda and is not being raised exclusively in 'the truth'.

I can't say how I handled it was correct. I had good intentions to 'open their eyes', but I was deluded as to their willingness to see 'truth' beyond their own. All in all, we have no relationship. And I'm not sure that is the best outcome either. I occasionally wonder what my son's wedding will look like....if they'll even come if he marries non-sda. They didn't go to his dad's non-sda wedding.

Hindsight gives perspective, but I can't change it now, nor can I advise one way or another what someone else should do. That's just my experience.
Randyg
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Username: Randyg

Post Number: 238
Registered: 12-2004
Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 11:33 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2,

When I formally left the Adventist church last year, I sent a letter to my church, parents, siblings, inlaws, and children outlining the theological points (EGW,IJ,Remnant theology,Sabbath) that I could no longer support with honesty and integrity. I outlined each area that I could not reconcile, and with abundant Scripture, tried to be forthright and irenic in my presentation.

It was a very difficult time for many, as some of us know, for most Adventists, Scriptural support is not enough to reject the unique beliefs of Adventism. I did however, receive encouragement from some.

Will things ever be the same with some of the family, possibly not. However I have maintained good relationships with most, and they are coming to realize that my love for them is not dependent on denominational affiliation. I have an increased sense that God continues to work on all of our hearts as we try to dwell on the things we have in common, instead of the things we see differently.

Would I love to share all the stuff that I have studied over the last few years, you bet.

In my heart of hearts, I fully believe that anybody who read all the material I did, on the topics I challenged, would make the same decision I did. I also recognize that many people remain Adventist not because of the theology, but rather because it is familiar and safe for them. Until they look closely at the theology of Adventism, and how diametrically opposed parts of it are to the Gospel of the New Testament most might never be prompted to investigate further.

There is a certain malaise that comes with being told you have the "truth" and you are the "remnant". People growing up on that all their life are scared to even consider anything else, whether it can be supported scripturally or not.

That being said, I wasn't ready even 3 years ago, to take this change on. God rescued me at a time in my life where I had become spiritually and emotionally broken. This journey saved my life, literally. While I continue to face challenges in rebuilding parts of my life, I can assure you that my appreciation for God's gift to me is ongoing and immeasurable.

I no longer am upset when someone does not get it. I recognize now that I did not get it, and was not even able to realize that until I had reached rock bottom. I have gained a new respect for, and have an increased empathy for people in crisis, and those who are overwhelmed by life's challenges.

I no longer feel the urge argue or debate, because God does not ask me to do that. God has asked me to love and revere Him, and to love my neighbor as myself.

I do not preach to anybody other than by trying to be real and sharing what God has done for me. I no longer have to pretend I believe something when I do not. I can call a spade a spade, and I can live my life with the freedom God intended.

I must however continue to be vigilant that I do not offend my brothers and sisters who are weaker in the faith. As Colleen can attest,I have a particular(some might say peculiar) fondness for Romans 14. This chapter more than any other, has helped me in learning how to deal with those who do not appreciate the same spiritual freedom or understanding that I do.

Peace and Blessings,

Randy





U2bsda
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Username: U2bsda

Post Number: 114
Registered: 11-2004
Posted on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 7:31 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Thanks for all the advice and stories. I have shared with my family that I am no longer a SDA about 3 months after I officially left the church. I have not shared with them that I think SDAism is a cult and how I strongly disagree with the teachings of the SDA church. They know I no longer believe what they do. When I have shared with a member of my family the reasons for what I believe they were actually comforted knowing that I just didn't turn my back on the "truth", but that I was following what I knew to be the truth (living up to the light I had kinda thing).

I'm just trying to determine if there is a benefit to me sharing my distaste for SDAism. I don't see a benefit for my family since I think that will just put up walls and they will refuse to talk about it. My family has not been critical of what I believe and practice now. They may inquire with interest about something, but there is no arguing or trying to convince one another of something in the Bible. Telling them would help me get something off my chest, but I don't think I will wish I did tell them afterwards. I guess I have my answer. Thank you all for your input it has really helped!

Dd
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Username: Dd

Post Number: 704
Registered: 7-2004
Posted on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 8:16 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2,
I'm with you. I believe when we live what we believe it is better than telling them they are wrong. Nothing makes me more stubborn than to be told I am wrong. It is God who calls us out of Adventism. I am of the belief we do God a disservice when we try telling our friends and family they are being deceived.

God used non-SDA Christians to crack the SDA fortress of my heart. It was their outspoken love for Jesus and their actions that matched their talk that made me start to wonder what was missing in my beliefs.

Blessings,
Denise
Randyg
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Username: Randyg

Post Number: 239
Registered: 12-2004
Posted on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 10:49 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2,

I think you're approach is right on. Calling Adventism a cult would only enflame those that are now grappling with the idea a person(you) can be a Christian, wholly acceptable to God, and not be an Adventist. They will soon become envious(in a good way) of the spiritual peace you now possess. If and when they mirror the study you have done, they will conclude on their own, just how many aspect of Adventism are cultic in nature. The light will go on, however they will have to study it out themselves.

Many on this forum have said (most recently Timmy and Josh) that one of the key factors that opened their eyes to what is missing in Adventism was their attendence to a church an a Sunday morning. When I started investigating and exploring options this was a critical step for me as well.

Our local paper has a weekly column written by the pastor of a large Baptist Church here in Kelowna. Every week I would look forward to reading his article because he used Bible principles to deal with everyday problems. He was real and genuine. I started attending services because I wanted, and needed more of that. Like others have said, each message spoke to me almost on a personal level. Each week that I go I continue to marvel at the honest sense of praise and adoration for Jesus found in the music and the message. I found the presence of God and the Holy Spirit there, and I had not seen that in an Adventist service in a long time. That is when I seriously knew something was wrong with what I had been feed all my life.

Not once have I heard a reference to "Sunday-keeping". That my friends, is a red herring. They have services Saturday and Sunday, and other groups and activities everyday of the week. They are living the Gospel commission!

I invited a good SDA friend to the wonderful Good Friday service. She thought it was wonderful and said these people are probably even better Christians than she was, but she couldn't help but feel bad that they didn't have the "truth", but guessed they were living up to the truth they knew!

Sorry for straying off topic.

May God continue to bless your witness,

Randy

91steps
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Username: 91steps

Post Number: 78
Registered: 8-2005


Posted on Sunday, August 27, 2006 - 5:25 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I am still waiting for the Pastor of the church I attended to quit stalling and bring my letter of "resignation" up for a vote. I already wrote him telling him I KNOW that he is using stall tactics, my mind IS made up and nothing will change it.
Personally, I think the SDA church is a cult, let me explain why I say this. I have not set foot in ANY SDA church for over 1 1/2 years, and it has been at least a FULL year since I heard anything from the members of the church I belong to.
Yet about a year ago my wife was voted into many offices, she is quit active in the church, which I have no problem with. But I was cut off, no contact from anyone, and my wife was treated totally different.
She supports my choice to leave, she also works at the GC and has seen some of what I have witnessed, but she just can not bring herself to look for employment elsewhere.
That is a sad state, most GC employees are so afraid to lose their jobs, mainly because they are afraid to have to go "work in the world". I have been "out in the world" now for almost a year, I have worked for and with some real jerks, but NOTHING compared to what I dealt with at the GC.
I pray I can get my wife to attend the Messianic Congregation I do, maybe she will see why I left the SDA religion.
Flyinglady
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Username: Flyinglady

Post Number: 2761
Registered: 3-2004


Posted on Sunday, August 27, 2006 - 5:40 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Your wife is in my prayers, as you are, 91steps.
Now, I am waiting for that book about the GC!!!
Diana
Colleentinker
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Username: Colleentinker

Post Number: 4511
Registered: 12-2003


Posted on Sunday, August 27, 2006 - 10:26 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

91Steps, I'm praying now for your wife and for you.

Colleen
91steps
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Username: 91steps

Post Number: 79
Registered: 8-2005


Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 4:54 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Thnk you for the prayers. Someday I will write a book. At the present, with what I do as a contract Govt employee, I had best avoid controversy at all costs. Alls I need is to get sued by the GC!! Besides, I do not have the first clue about getting a book published, etc.
But what I stated about the SDA church being a cult is true, seems like the longer I have been out of the church, the more resonsibility they heap upon my wife. Has anyone else experienced this?
Flyinglady
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Username: Flyinglady

Post Number: 2764
Registered: 3-2004


Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 8:56 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

91stepd,
Make notes of your experience at the GC and put them where they are safe. That way when you are ready to write that book you will have something to jog your memory. Just a suggestion if you have not thought of it.
Diana
91steps
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Username: 91steps

Post Number: 80
Registered: 8-2005


Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 10:42 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

That is what I want to do, start typing the stuff onto my computer and save it to a memory stick for later. THanks, Sam
Bb
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Username: Bb

Post Number: 134
Registered: 7-2004
Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 10:45 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

U2B,
I am living a lie I suppose. I have not, nor have any desire to tell my staunch SDA mother that I do not believe it any more. She is SO set in her ways, and also lives far away and is elderly, that I don't see the good of it. All she will do is be torn up that she thinks I have lost my salvation. I feel sorry for her and cannot in any way see how it would do any good to tell her. I think she knows something, as she never asks me about church and avoids topics of doctrine. She must be praying for me. She used to pray for me because she heard I was drinking coffee! I can imagine what she thinks now because I am married to a non-sda. But I was very "into" the church until about 3 years ago, when I studied my way out. I just didn't know how to tell her.

Does anyone think it would do good to tell her about how I believe now?
91steps
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Username: 91steps

Post Number: 82
Registered: 8-2005


Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 11:52 am:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Bb, alls you can do is pray about it and see how the Holy Spirit guides you. Personally, I would tell her and clear your conscience, but see what other members suggest. I suppose I am blessed, to the best of my knowledge I was the first SDA in my family, some of my relatives thought I lost my mind, but I could care less what they thought.
Jeremy
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Username: Jeremy

Post Number: 1468
Registered: 10-2004


Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 12:37 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Bb,

None of us can know whether or not it will do any good to tell people. But we do need to share the Gospel with people, without worrying about the results. We have to leave the results up to God.

But yes, it is important to share the Gospel with those who believe in a false gospel and are facing an eternity apart from God in hell. They need salvation; they need the real Jesus Christ and His saving Gospel! :-)

Jeremy

(Message edited by jeremy on August 28, 2006)

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