| Author | Message | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 5 Registered: 8-2006 |
Hello, My name is Susan, and I'm a former SDA. That sounds like an introduction for those who are recovering from addictions, and the similarity is not lost on me. I'd like to tell you all my story as to how I first came to be an SDA as well as how I came to leave the SDA church. If this is disjointed, please bear with me, as I am composing this as I go, and may skip around a bit. I suppose I should start by saying from the time I was a young child I loved Jesus and wanted to be a "good girl". I think that those like me who have perfectionistic tendencies are drawn to groups like the SDA church. A desire to "get it right" and to be ok by getting it right were definite factors in my joining. As a child in the southeastern US, I attended the Baptist church. My parents were not churchgoers, but my mother was faithful to drive me and my brother to church, drop us off and pick us up afterwards. I went from the time I was about 10 years old until I was 19. I then stopped attending church until joining the SDA church at the age of 29. I came into the SDA church in 1984 through a Revelation Seminar developed by Harry Robison. My uncle actually told me about the SDA church, and had given me some materials, so unlike most who attend one of these sort of "evangelistic" crusades, I knew up front who was putting it on. I had read about the 7th Day Sabbath from The Plain Truth Magazine, so this "testing truth" was not hard to swallow. In fact, looking back now, I was spiritually hungry and accepted the messages of the SDA church readily. I understand now that my knowledge of the Bible was very limited since I had barely read it for many years. My exhusband and I were baptized into the local SDA church soon after the seminar had ended, and my 9 year old son the following year. The pastor and his wife had visited faithfully and I really came to love them. The church was small, only about 60 members, and my exhusband and I were welcomed in. Many of those people are still special to me, and I love them very much. I remember as I studied that the doctrines of the SDA church seemed so logical. They really did seem to be an "unbroken chain of truth". I was happy that God had led me to the true church and that I was part of the remnant people of God, those who keep the commandments of God, and have the spirit of prophecy. During the seminar, I had a concern about the doctrine of the investigative judgement. See, I didn't have a problem not believing it, due to my perfectionism it made perfect sense, because I was studying all the texts that talked about God judging us according to our works, and that judgement begins with the house of God. All you had to do was do what was expected, and you would be ok. Reminds me now of the children of Israel at Mt. Sinai. "All that the Lord has said, we will do". I was taught the version of the IJ that says the judgement began in 1844, that it involved those who professed belief in Jesus, and that the books were examined to see if we had confessed every sin and were "safe to save". There was no mention of vindicating God, oh no. The judgement began with all those believers who had died, and soon, if not already, the judgement of those living now would be in progress. I remember asking my pastor did he think that maybe my name had already come up. He said he did not know, no one knew when the close of probation for each of us would be. This was the beginning of the seed of fear in my heart that I would not be accepted in Christ. I was a smoker, and was trying to kick that habit so that I could be baptized. I was not successful, but surprisingly enough, especially in that time, the pastor baptized me anyway. I used to wonder if he had not would I have ever become an Adventist. I probably would have. Well, I jumped in with both feet as a new Adventist. I wanted nothing to stand in the way of me and Jesus. I loved Him so much. I would dream of being in heaven and having a mansion that Jesus had built just for me. I managed to quit smoking (for a while) and I became a literature evangelist. I was sure that the Lord would sell my books for me, but I only lasted a few months. Let's just say I was not cut out for cold calls to sell very expensive books to mostly poor people. I also began to seriously read the writings of Ellen G. White. I have been a voracious reader my entire life, and I bought literally every volume that the ABC had as well as the SDA Bible Commentary. Instead of her writings giving me encouragement and comfort, I became depressed and spiritually darkened. Someone on another thread mentioned how they saw changes in others who began to read and follow the writings of Mrs. White. I stopped wearing makeup and took off my wedding ring, since those things might stand in the way of my relationship with Christ. When I read in Testimonies, Volume 5 about how one spot or defect of character would prevent me from being sealed, I was so very depressed. I knew how sinful I was! With my perfectionist personality, I tried so hard to be perfect and when I could not, I sunk into deep despair. I began to smoke again, and I lost hope. I felt as though I was defective, and nothing I could do, no amount of striving to meet the high standard that Mrs. White said we had to attain was successful. I have to admit here, that while I did read my Bible, I read the SOP more. The bible was sometimes hard to understand, and as many have said here before, Mrs. White just made it all so plain. I truly believed in my heart that she was God's messenger to the remnant and was the mouthpiece of God. What she wrote was like God writing it Himself, and I had well better follow the light that I had been given, or when my name came up in the IJ, I would be blotted out of the book of life. How contrary to the true gospel this was!!! I couldn't bear up under the load of what I did not understand to be legalism. I felt it was no use trying anymore. I left the church after about a year and a half. My exhusband and I moved and I did not give a forwarding address, nor did I attend church in the new area. That was my first time leaving the SDA church. I left not because I did not believe the doctrines, but that I was so wretched that I could not follow Jesus the way I believed He expected me to follow Him. I forgot that Jesus said His yoke was easy, and His burden was light. I get tears in my eyes even now thinking how wrong it all was! How had I gone so far from what I felt in the beginning when I gave my heart again to Jesus and was baptized into the SDA church? I'll continue in another post. | ||
| 91steps Registered user Username: 91steps Post Number: 118 Registered: 8-2005  |
Susans, welcome aboard, I look forward to reading more of your story. I need to get off my duff and submit mine now that I am free from the church!! | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 6 Registered: 8-2006 |
In 1987 I started attending the SDA church again. You know, the Bible says that it is the "goodness of God that leads you to repentance". It wasn't that way for me, though. I returned to the SDA church pretty much in the same way I joined...prophecy about the end times, and this time an additional reason-fear. You see, the Northridge earthquake had just happened, and then the stock market had taken a terrible dive, and I felt the closing scenes of earth's history was upon us. Before those events, though, I had been listening to some tapes on the end times by Charles Wheeling. I can't remember now how I came to get them, but I had the feeling that the close of probation and the Sunday law were right around the corner. I became convicted that I needed to return to the SDA church, and I was determined this time to live up to what I believed. I began attending the local church but since I was in a new area, did not divulge that I had apostasized. Once again, I dove headlong into Adventism. I quit smoking again, and praise be to God, the last time, and became quite active in the local congregation, mostly because I met my best friend and she was the anchor in my life then, as she is now, although not in the same way. I once again started reading Ellen. This time, though, I added other writings, those of Vance Ferrell, Ron Spear and other "historical" Adventists. I became a full-fledged legalist, and I'm sure I was a pain to many of my Adventist friends. I started attending one of the smaller, more conservative churches where more like-minded people did. A little later I discovered the 1888 message and began devouring all those materials as well. How much time did I have for the bible? Not much, but I was a very good Adventist. I didn't eat meat, in fact I knew that those awaiting translation would not be meat eaters. Someone spoke about the unparalleled arrogance of SDA's and I have to admit, I was pretty arrogant. I had the truth, even more truth than many of the members of my church. I endeavored to enlighten other Christians about the Sabbath truth, and my own church members about how they weren't living up as a church to all the Lord's messenger had been "shown". I could quote all sorts of passages by Sister White concerning the will of God. I really had no idea I had made EGW my God, in fact if you had told me this, I would have been highly offended. I was following God, through His messenger to the remnant church. Fast forward to 1998. My marriage had ended, and I was still a member very much involved in, once again, the original church I had been baptized in as I had moved back to my previous town. Due to domestic violence, though, I moved to the West Coast. In that small Washington town, I attended the local SDA church. The first time I walked in there, I felt a spirit of oppression like I had only experienced before I was baptized, but never in a church. I did not feel comfortable there at all! I went a few times, but it was literally so dark and depressing in that church that I was afraid I would become depressed again and I could not chance that! About this time, I stumbled on the www.ellenwhite.org site. I was blown away by what I saw. I remembered early as a new Adventist watching Des Ford, Walter Martin, and William Johnsson on John Ankerberg. But I thought that was all part of the attack against God's church. I had no idea about White's plaigarism except that I had read an article in Ministry magazine saying it was common to "borrow" in her time. Well, as I began to read, what I found out was very disturbing. God worked a series of events in my life to put me in contact with a chaplain at the hospital I worked who was a former SDA. He loaned me the book The White Lie, by Walter Rae. I became disgusted with what I read about the coverup by the SDA church as regards the writings and ministry of EGW. For a long time, I was angry at having been deceived. One by one all the things I believed about the SDA church fell by the wayside. The last, and really the hardest thing to give up was Sabbath. It truly is so close to the real Sabbath, who is Christ, that it is the greatest deception. I was afraid many times when I would go shopping or do something that "broke" the Sabbath that I wondered...Is the SDA church really right? Am I going to get the mark of the beast? I was in school working on another degree at the time and began to go to the SDA chat room, where I met Dennis. He was very helpful to me in listening about my questions and doubts about EGW and the doctrines of the SDA church. I began to see how her influence was interwoven throughout all the church, so that even if you did not "read" Sister White, you still believed everything she said if you believed the doctrines of your church. I began to read and post on Adventist Tomorrow and while I was in school (at a Jesuit university no less!) I took a new testament class. Part of the course work was to write a paper on a book of the New Testament. I chose Galatians and the rest was history. From my study of Galatians, I saw for the very first time that the 10C's were part of the law given to Moses, and learned about the covenants. I decided to buy a version of the bible that was new to me and read it only without the writings of EGW. I also looked for a church to attend, and found Calvary Chapel of Spokane, where I sat for 3 years. I learned so much about Jesus and how He is my Saviour and I have nothing to fear from Him because He sought me and saved me! Praise God, I didn't have to do all those things in order for God to love me and to give His son for me, I just had to accept His gift of salvation. That began a journey that so far has led me to marriage to a Christian man and right now I attend a PCA church where the pastor is passionate about the grace of the Sovereign God who has chosen us from the foundation of the world. I have to say that I still carry some baggage from my time as an SDA. At this point in time, I'm not sure I can ever be a member of a church again. But as Us2 said on another thread, my membership on a church roster is not where it counts. I am a child of the King, saved by His glorious grace and kindness towards me in while I was dead in my sins, He made me alive in Christ and has seated me with Him in heavenly places! No more will I run from God, but I will always run to my Father who loves me and who I can cry Abba, Father. Nothing can snatch me away from Him who saved me. I am complete in Christ, accepted in the Beloved. I am going through the Romans study with Bible Study Fellowship and as always, I'm amazed at how warped my understanding of the scriptures sometimes still is. Even though many times I think the bible says something, and it turns out to be "Ellen" I have confidence that God will erase that from my mind and my spirit ultimately. I know that He who began a work in me will complete it. I hope this has made sense. Some things I have left out because of length, but feel free to ask what you will. I also hope this will be a blessing to someone who has walked a similar path and who desires freedom from the spirit of SDA that indeed is another spirit and another gospel. Susan | ||
| Bobj Registered user Username: Bobj Post Number: 63 Registered: 1-2006  |
Susan Welcome! I hope you will feel at home here and that will know that you are among friends. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you as you study Romans! You are right: God will complete the good work He has begun in us! (Phil 1:6) Bob | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 2915 Registered: 3-2004  |
Susan, Thank you for your story of your journey with Jesus Christ. It is always awesome to me how Jesus brings an individual to Him. Diana | ||
| Snowboardingmom Registered user Username: Snowboardingmom Post Number: 195 Registered: 11-2005 |
Welcome Susan! Thank you for sharing your story. Grace | ||
| Riverfonz Registered user Username: Riverfonz Post Number: 2168 Registered: 3-2005 |
Welcom Susan! That is a terrific story. What a journey. It is thrilling to read how God worked in your life. Several of us on this board have also been led to a PCA church(see the footwashing thread) where as you say; " now I attend a PCA church where the pastor is passionate about the grace of the Sovereign God who has chosen us from the foundation of the world." Amen! and praise God for your testimony! Stan | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 846 Registered: 4-2000  |
Susan, Thank you for sharing your journey of faith. I already knew the beginning part, but I am so happy for you to have found a PCA church where God gets all the glory. Actually, my wife and I have started to attend a PCA church here in Lincoln, Nebraska as well. In awe of His grace, Dennis Fischer E-mail: dennisfischer@neb.rr.com | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 4804 Registered: 12-2003  |
Susan, thank you for sharing your story here. We're so glad you've joined us, and I just want to invite you to share any questions or feelings you have as you continue to grow in Jesus. I am so in awe of the fact that God chose each of us from the foundation of the world, and He knew us before we were born. I praise God that Jesus is ALL we need. Colleen | ||
| Timmy Registered user Username: Timmy Post Number: 79 Registered: 8-2006  |
Susan, Your testimony is clearly a witness to the spirit of Adventism. You are not alone in what you experianced. When you get time, look at my wifes testimony here http://www.ellenwhite.org/testimonycs.htm Your story is so similiar to ours that it almost gives me chills. Some SDA's say we were just "finanical" or we took Ellen out of context. But in reality, if they don't comply with all that "stuff" they are taking her out of context. You mentioned fear of the "Sunday Laws" this is something that bothered me even a year after I was out. I kept asking myself..."What if." My fears were finally put to rest when I read this article by Bro. Dirk Anderson http://www.ellenwhite.org/egw22.htm maybe you already read it. I actually had booklets made from it and passed them out to my Former SDA friends and my questioning SDA friends.  Take Care, God is Good! Tim | ||
| Mwh Registered user Username: Mwh Post Number: 200 Registered: 4-2006  |
Susan, glad you are here, thanks for your testimony and a big welcome from me. Jesus is Truth! | ||
| Robby Registered user Username: Robby Post Number: 5 Registered: 2-2006 |
Hi Susan, I found your story to be uplifting and encouraging. Thank you. I will share my experience one of these days. I can tell you all about leaving SDA, that happened over 20 years ago. But my story of finding Jesus is still unfolding. I just gave my heart to him a year ago. Iím amazed at the emotional stages; confusion, exploration, anger, surrender, peace, discovery, commitment. Iím finding that I need to toss out almost all of the beliefs from my SDA upbringing. Its too hard to separate EGW from the Bible truth. Again, thanks for your testimony. Robby | ||
| Grace_alone Registered user Username: Grace_alone Post Number: 239 Registered: 6-2006  |
Hi Susan, Your story is heartwrenching and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Welcome! You have a whole built-in family here. When I think of the bondage that you and all my friends here have been under, I'm amazed and humbled by the complete miracle that brought you out. Mwh is right - Jesus is truth!! Leigh Anne | ||
| Pheeki Registered user Username: Pheeki Post Number: 824 Registered: 1-2003 |
Susan, if you feel strong enough...would you tell your story on www.carm.org in the SDA section. There are many over there who do not believe our testimony and you have a good one! God bless! | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 753 Registered: 7-2004 |
Welcome, Susan! I am in the BSF study of Romans, also. I absolutely loved this past week's study of Romans 3:21-26. I hope you are enjoying it, too. Have you been in BSF long? Do you still live in Spokane? I live in Missoula, MT - a mere 3 hours from Spokane. Thank you for joining us here on FAF. I look forward to getting to know you better. Blessings! Denise | ||
| Jwd Registered user Username: Jwd Post Number: 253 Registered: 4-2005  |
Welcome, Susan. I greet you in the most precoius name under heaven, Jesus our Christ. I thrill to your story and His grace in calling you into His full freedom (Gal 5:1). I was booted out of pastoral ministry when I refused to cease preaching the "authentic Gospel" I finally discovered from a Catholic professor and rebal rouser....named Martin Luther, in his commentary on Romans. When I preached the Bible truth of Rom and Gal. it was like hitting a hornets nest with a stick. My wife and I got bit pretty bad ourselves, but God's grace is sufficient and any suffering for the cause of Christ's righteousness is well worth the scars that shall remain until glorification. I would hope that you and Denise and our oldest daughter, Dori, also in Missoula and a new friend of Denises, could all get together.....maybe in Coeur d' Alene, for a get-acquainted love feast, praising God and embracing each other as new prayer partners. God bless you with His future grace, Soli Deo Gloria Jess | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 7 Registered: 8-2006 |
Thank you all for the wonderful welcomes and replies. I only have a few minutes tonight as it's time for bed, and I promise to respond more tomorrow. In the meantime, no, I left Spokane in 2002 and now live in Asheville, North Carolina. I'd be interested and not surprised to find formers here on this forum who were perhaps members of Foster Memorial when Greg and Paula Taylor were here. Blessings, Susan | ||
| Tricia Registered user Username: Tricia Post Number: 18 Registered: 3-2006 |
Timmy, Thank you so much for the link to the excellent article on the Sunday laws by Dirk Anderson. I printed almost every segment of it. I especially liked chapter 4. Thanks again. Tricia | ||
| Timmy Registered user Username: Timmy Post Number: 80 Registered: 8-2006 |
Tricia, I liked the part where he said, "All cults are driven by fear. The key fear in Adventism is the "Sunday Laws!" This book freed me from fear. I am now completely free in Jesus! Fear free! ts | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 8 Registered: 8-2006 |
Greetings, everyone! It's late, but I wanted to keep my promise of responding to some of your comments. First, Colleen...Jesus certainly IS all we need, isn't He? I'm so glad it's no longer Jesus AND (etc.). I remember a wonderful woman on another site named Delstar who always had the signature Jesus is enough. He is our all-sufficient Saviour who can save to the uttermost all who come to Him. Dennis, I'm glad you and Sylvia are doing well and I did see where you have embraced Calvinism. While I'm not a total Calvinist nor a total Armininist (is that how you spell it?) I would have to agree with what Colleen said once...that the truth (there's that word again) lies somewhere in between. I still have so many questions about God and His plan, but I'm not as afraid as I was when I was an Adventist. It's easier to trust Him now that He will lead me where I am to go. That's the greatest joy I have since I understood the sovereignty of God. Oh, Dennis...I remember years ago you were editing a manuscript of a woman who was comparing Joseph Smith and EGW...was her book ever published? I've searched on the internet from time to time looking, but I've never found out whether it was. Leigh Anne, thank you, and it is indeed a miracle that God brings us out of the bondage of the spirit of Adventism. When I first started studying the writings of EGW and looking at the contradictions, which of course, the church won't tell you, I was frightened, upset, angry, confused...all those emotions that Robby mentioned. I was confused and frightened because I wondered WHY God put me in the SDA church? I remembered being so happy that God had loved me enough (more than others) to have brought me to the one true church. Now, here I was discovering that almost every doctrine, no, I am coming to believe EVERY doctrine was built on a rotten foundation. How could this be? Then I came to understand and to thank the Lord because I needed to be part of the SDA church for all those years because of the valuable lessons that I learned. The most important lesson was that I am totally sinful, without hope and dead in my sins. Along with this was the second most important lesson I learned from Adventism was that no matter how much I was told I had to, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how self-righteous I thought I was when I thought I kept the law, no matter how condemned and despairing I felt when I failed once again in keeping the commandments, that it can't be done. I am not sure I could have ever learned that so deeply as I did because of being an Adventist. I believe living as an Adventist under the condemnation of the law has helped me to be more acutely aware and thankful for the gift of my Saviour. I am utterly lost without Him! I know I tend towards self-righteousness, and God has shown me that all my righteousness is as a filthy rag. God has reached down and pulled me out of the miry clay. I love the hymn "I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore. Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more. But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry..from the waters lifted me, now safe am I" Paul cried out, who then can deliver me from this body of death? And in the next breath he stated the glorious truth "There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus". Praise God for His grace to save my soul! Pheeki, I'm not sure I could keep my head above the waters over on CARM. I'm no theologian and I've just in the last few days been following Ric's dialog with Kevin Morgan regarding the investigative judgement. Kevin was pastor at my church, although he had come during the time I had lived away from my home town. In the beginning, I liked to debate with Adventists, but now I'm content to concentrate more on learning about God and Jesus and finding things in common with SDA's. I do talk a lot to other Christians though, if I see an Adventist book like I saw in the OR not long ago, I will talk to people about the false doctrines of the SDA church. I have let others know of the things SDA like to cover up or give a different meaning to. I have surprised many people and have had co-workers ask me to talk to those who have shown an interest in SDA. Perhaps in the future, I might post on CARM, but for now, I am not impressed that I should be there. I do thank you for saying you were blessed by my testimony. Denise, I am thoroughly enjoying the study on Romans. I have heard of BSF before, but this is my very first time taking a class. I had to wait 3 weeks before being placed. Praise God there are almost 150 women in this Monday night study! I came every week to hear the lecture and pick up a lesson even though I was not in a group yet. I didn't want to miss anything! I'm glad you are enjoying the study as well. Romans is an awesome book to study and I'm glad to do it without my Ellen glasses on. Jess, as I said, Galatians meant for me no turning back. How could I have missed all that before??? Romans and Galatians are two very powerful books indeed, and I can see where you would have been booted out for preaching them. Many Adventist don't like Paul, and sometimes I have thought they wished his epistles were not in the canon. Isn't it funny how Catholics played a part in both our lives? I'm often struck with how closely the SDA and Catholic religions are, yet the SDA's say the Pope is the Antichrist. Finally, Timmy...it's uncanny how many of our formers have the same experiences in coming out. I do truly believe that the SDA church is cultic in many aspects, even though there are true Christians who trust in Christ for their salvation, like my best friend. I tend to think that God takes us through the steps to break free of the spiritual strongholds and bondage, and it is a strong bondage, similarly because when God leads us out the way He plans, it's that very journey that frees us completely. I have read parts of your wife's testimony over on Dirk's site, and it is somewhat parallel. We can both praise Him for His ability to make us totally free from fear of Sunday Laws, the mark of the beast, the IJ, because it's His perfect love for us that casts out all fear. To quote Diana, we DO serve an Awesome God! Susan |
