| Author | Message | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 323 Registered: 6-2005 |
Please keep me and my son in your prayers. This holiday season is harder than I realized. Last year I was happily married (as far as I knew), I was comfortable with family, and celebrating the holidays with my SDA friends and family as was our tradition. This year I find myself unexpectedly divorced after 20 years, apart from my son (age 14) on thanksgiving for the first time ever. I am estranged from my family, and very uncomfortable, with layer upon layer of hurt, misunderstanding, accusation etc. and sabbath comments slipped into every converstaion. My son and I are separate from all our SDA friends and traditions. I wish I could say I was handling it all with grace and goodness and the love of Jesus just shining out, but in actuality, I hurt, I am irritable, defensive, and tearful. I have not known pain like seeing my son go thru the fallout of divorce. I know I am not the only one facing the holidays for the first time estranged from family, due to a decision to follow Jesus alone, whatever the cost. I also know I am not the only one to face rejection, divorce, etc in relationships. I do pray for those I know of, M, M, and R. and even for those whose names or situations I dont know, who have had relationships disolve. God is good to me, and gives me grace for the moment, at the moment. Even in the pain, I do not feel abandoned by God. I am so very grateful for all of you, and for your continued prayers in this journey. Many days, just reading a bit on the forum, gives me a sense of community, and I feel less alone on the path God has called me to. Thanks from my heart to all of you. Lori 4excape@bellsouth.net | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 711 Registered: 8-2004  |
Praying for you Lori. You are one of God's treasures. And as I pray for you I also pray for each of us who are learning to live again. Who have had so many of the 'identifiers' that we have depended on stripped from us - SDA, spouse, friend, pastor, church worker, EGW Expert, Bible Expert, or whatever. Who are learning both in joy and in sorrow to 'count all things loss compared to the awesome greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord, for whose sake we have lost all things.' (Phil. 3:8 loosely quoted). Who are learning to find our identities in Christ alone. Dear Father in Heaven, As we grieve our losses, come close to us. Make Yourself more real to us than the things that surround us, than the turmoils that assail our hearts, than the memories and hopes that we have cherished. Than the dreams that You have seen fit to remove. Hide us in You. Bathe us in Your Presence. Fill us with Your Spirit. Renew us within and without. Strengthen our Faith. Help us to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are Yours and You are ours! Let us know You, and in knowing You know ourselves. Let us rejoice in You, And joy to know that You delight in us. Let us see ourselves as You see us: covered with Jesus' blood, redeemed from the pit of hell, provided with living spirits and joyful communion with You, having passed from death unto life. Thank You for all You have done, are doing, and will do. You are more than enough!! In Jesus precious name, Amen | ||
| Benevento Registered user Username: Benevento Post Number: 131 Registered: 4-2005 |
Javagirl I seldom write that I am praying for someone, though I do, and I have for you, knowing from such things in our family the pain and loss that divorce causes, and the especially difficult times over the holidys. I am glad you do not feel abandoned by God, I did at one point when things were very bad, I am sorry to say. I know you know God is faithful and will give you strength, and know that we are thinking of you and praying for you as well. I'll send a little story that happened to me during a very hard time (I'll send it to Colleen, and perhaps she can forward it) Peggy | ||
| Toria Registered user Username: Toria Post Number: 56 Registered: 2-2006 |
Praying here, Javagirl. Long ago I also saw my young son suffer when his father and I were divorced. I feel for you, and will be keeping you both in my prayers. Blessings toria | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 245 Registered: 2-2006 |
Prayers and heart for you, Lori~ This must be so hard for you. It does get better. This is the second Christmas (and every holiday) that my children will be without their dad, and even though I couldn't see how they would emotionally get through one, they did, and are even stronger and more at peace, now. So, have hope for your son and for yourself, too. The Adventists may never change, but you will; stronger, happier, in peacefulness, and your old self, again, but renewed in Jesus Christ. Nothing lasts forever, pain recedes a little more each day, and joy and blessings return to our vision and hearts, always~ ~My heart trusts in Him and I am helped~ (Psalms) Cathy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3064 Registered: 3-2004  |
Dear Lori, I was divorced when my son was 8 years of age. The first holidays are hard and even though I did not know Jesus at the time, he got me throught the years. So, I will pray for you. Father In Heaven, You are the I AM and you are our Father. Thank you so much that we can come running into your presence when we hurt and you will hold us tight while we are sorrowful. I ask that you be with Lori and her son this season. Thank you that Lori can see your work in her, even though she is sad. Carry her and her son at this time, as you did me, when I was going through a rough time. Thank you God for taking care of Lori and her son. You are always so awesome. Diana | ||
| Agapetos Registered user Username: Agapetos Post Number: 585 Registered: 10-2002  |
Lori, I'm praying for you both. (My parents divorced when I was two) | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 4997 Registered: 12-2003  |
Dear Lori and M and MóI'm praying for you and your children. I remember the agony of the first holidays alone during my divorceóand again when Richard's and my sons had to leave for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember one particularly desolate Thanksgiving early in our marriage when Richard and I went to a restaurant. Now, that can be goodóbut in our case, it was a way to do something out-of-the ordinary because to cook for a holiday without the boys was just unthinkable. We developed the habit of celebrating the holidays when the boys were scheduled to be gone on the day beforeóChristmas was Dec 24, Thanksgiving was on Wednesday, etc. It never "felt" right, but it was the best we could doóand the boys didn't completely miss the holiday with us. I so understand. Dear Father, please be close to Lori and M and M this holiday seasonóand also with their children. Please bring true friendships into their lives, and please be their hope and their comfort. Please be their all-in-all. Thank you for what You are doing in their livesóand in all of us. We love You and want to honor You. Amen. Colleen | ||
| Snowboardingmom Registered user Username: Snowboardingmom Post Number: 210 Registered: 11-2005 |
Lori, I'm praying for you and your son. ~ Grace | ||
| Cforrester Registered user Username: Cforrester Post Number: 39 Registered: 7-2004 |
Lori, what part of the country are you in? | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 324 Registered: 6-2005 |
Thank you all for your prayers! It helps to hear from others that it gets better. Please don't forget to pray for the others on the forum with similar situations--... Mary said "Who are learning both in joy and in sorrow to 'count all things loss compared to the awesome greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord, for whose sake we have lost all things.' (Phil. 3:8 loosely quoted). Who are learning to find our identities in Christ alone." Oh yes, even though it is painful, it is all so very worth it. NOTHING in my life compares to being in His presence, with NOTHING to offer but empty hands, and to be filled with His Spirit in all the places where the "spirit of adventism/religion" used to reign and control. Most days, I am joyful and blessed. Im thankful that I dont have to pretend anymore when I am not. Im thankful He accepts me in my fleshy moments. It is good to be free, forgiven, and saved. Lori Cforrester, I am in Atlanta GA area. | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 1513 Registered: 7-2003 |
Lori, I hear you girlfriend. You have had strength I've never seen through this whole process, it does not surprise me it would hit you as it has. I have recently been reading a book called "Safe People" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It has been an incredible eye-opener to help me. Another book that has been incredibly helpful was by Elisabeth Marquardt called "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce". This book will be particularly helpful to understand some of the emotions your son will experience through this process. Frankly, it was like reading my lifestory. It may not help you change what he has to experience, but perhaps it will help you understand it. I was supposed to be able to leave town for the holidays, the ex agreed, but then never provided the mandatory written authorization for me to take Jonathan out of town. So, I had to stay home while the rest of my family was in Arkansas. He showed up for his regular visit time on Thursday night, and then complained to me after bringing him home that Jonathan slept for all but 25 minutes of their time together...like I somehow planned that. Jonathan had gone with him kicking and screaming that he didn't want to go. We'd been playing in the hot tub since I was sure B would be spending the weekend with his co-ed, not thinking of his son. But I was wrong. I'm sure it's all my fault somehow...always is. I can't say I understand everything you're experiencing, but I know loss, heartache and disillusionment. I even know feeling abandoned by God, but I'm coping better with those feelings these days. I presume since you didn't get thanksgiving you get Christmas? This world of dividing kids is awful. I'm still not sure how to make peace with it. | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 157 Registered: 9-2006  |
Lori, I have prayed for you and will pray for you. and now I give all glory for answer to that prayer to the one who gives grace to the humble, our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. River | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 325 Registered: 6-2005 |
Melissa, you are in my prayers. Thanks for the book suggestions. Im thankful to God you are coping better. River, PTLA. Today was a blessing. My son came to church with me, then went to youth group tonight. (He usually goes to SDA church, and is still in SDA school). When I asked him how youth group went, he gave me a very detailed recap of the talk from the head pastor. He told me of the three mistakes Peter made prior to his betrayals of Jesus. He told me how those mistakes related to the kids in the church and how they relate to friends and change. I mean details! It was amazing! Any of you who have teenagers know the typical response to questions are one word responses..."fine", "okay", or "good". Thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf. Im blessed with friends here who really pray when they say they will, and have a direct connection to the Abba Father. Lori | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3067 Registered: 3-2004 |
Lori, I am so glad your son is responding like you have related. God is with him and with you. I will continue to remember you and him in my prayers. Isn't God awesome. Diana | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3069 Registered: 3-2004 |
Melissa, I am sorry I did not mention that I keep you in my prayers also. I am always in awe of all you have to go through and how you do it. God is with you through all of it. I do continue to pray for you and Lori. We do have an awesome God who understands just where we are at this moment. Diana | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 252 Registered: 2-2006 |
Melissa, You and your little boy are in my prayers, too. I know it is so hard for our children. Thank you for mentioning those books. I want to read them very much. My children and I realy need 'safe' persons in our lives after so much betrayal, from so many. And I desire for us to be safe people to others, too, who need them---to love our neighbor with Christ's consolations, which he gives after we bear his sufferings (He was betrayed and hurt every whichway). Perhaps, the 2nd one will help me with my youngest the most. I know her inner world is still so confused, hurt and angry; and it comes out in negative ways, at times. Right now, she is eating to mood-alter like her daddy, no matter what I do, and that could end up serious. Or if she gets mad at her big sister or me, she wants to live with her daddy, who has NPD, and his Wiccan girlfriend. We mothers are so sensitve to our children's feelings and emotional (and spiritual) needs. We feel their pain, too. Sometimes, long after they stop feeling it, I have found. I still feel my oldest kid's agonies (a different situation) from 13 years ago, but they do not. I am just praying all over the place for all of us mothers and our children (grown ones, too), right now! Lord, have mercy!!! ~Help and heal~ Love in Christ, Cathy | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 174 Registered: 8-2006 |
Safe People by Cloud and Townsend is a very good book that helps you to understand the effects certain people can have on you (both safe and toxic people). I read it when I was coming out of Adventism (at the same time going through Christian counseling in which I was dealing with many issues that I believe led me into Adventism in the first place)and I recommend it highly, so highly, in fact, that I have given copies to others. Cathy, the book will teach you how to be a safe person as well. (wow, NPD I've read extensively on this as I have a boss who is NPD you have a hard road ahead but you can do it!) In the same vein (fallout) I would also recommend their book Boundaries. It's about setting healthy boundaries for your emotional and spiritual health, while at the same time not violating other's boundaries. I went through a 12 week study of this book with a Christian women's group and learned so much. BEFORE I did that study, though...our group went through the book and workbook The Search for Significance. That book literally changed my life! Outside of the bible, that book has had more influence on me than any other book I've read (including the Great Controversy, said sarcastically). The book is about knowing our value and worth in JESUS alone, and not in trying to gain approval from anything else. I pray for you both, Lori and Melissa. It's so hard. I am divorced, and the heartbreak of my 30 year old son still where his father is concerned is my greatest sorrow in life. Susan | ||
| Honestwitness Registered user Username: Honestwitness Post Number: 191 Registered: 7-2005  |
What is NPD? | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 176 Registered: 8-2006 |
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Honestwitness. A VERY toxic personality disorder. |
