| Author | Message | ||
| Maggiethecat Registered user Username: Maggiethecat Post Number: 34 Registered: 7-2007  |
Hi! I was just wondering how important it is to write a letter to the church to withdraw membership. I feel quite inclined to do this but I'm a bit concerned that then I will be inundated with phone calls or visits trying to talk me out of it (and I'm absolutely not up for that!). As far as I know, it is sort of common knowledge to most that I have left, although I'm still getting 'Happy Sabbath' text messages from one lady each week, even though she knows I've left. In spite of my concerns I feel like I really need to make that physical break to free me from the church once and for all. With my membership still current it still sort of feels like a part of me is there. I'm just wondering what others have perhaps done in this situation. Thanks so much, Maree | ||
| Randyg Registered user Username: Randyg Post Number: 496 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Maree, I found it very helpful for myself to formalize in a letter, the theological distinctives of Adventism that I could no longer support after my own study. As I knew that my letter could potentially be my last opportunity to witness my understanding and faith to my Adventist friends and family, it was imperative to me that I say my piece. I have found that for me it has been a continuing witness, as my letter continues to be discussed among many in my community. In fact just this week while shopping in the grocery store a dear Adventist lady approached me and said she had just read my letter, and shared it with her mother who is also a friend of mine. She thanked me for sharing what I wrote. My letter was written 3 years ago, and seems to be making the rounds as a study paper in a Sabbath School class. It did take the local church 18 months to finally contact me that my wishes had been granted. While I am no longer a member of the SDA church, I still consider them my brothers and sisters, and I think they feel the same. Bottom line....write the letter. It will be a cleansing experience for you, and there will no longer be any doubt about your understanding and positions. I think you will then be able to feel a sense of authenticity and freedom knowing that it is official. Blessings, Randy | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6981 Registered: 12-2003  |
I agree with Randy, Maree. Writing the letter is very clarifying, and the formal break with the church is an important boundary. I know that ministries to former Mormons place a great deal of emphasis on formally leaving and insisting on one's name being removed. I know that there are differences with Adventism--for one thing, the church doesn't pursue the "missing" as intensely as the Mormons do, but the clean break is important. As Randy said, it's also a witness. Colleen | ||
| Maggiethecat Registered user Username: Maggiethecat Post Number: 35 Registered: 7-2007 |
Thanks for your comments. Wow Randy, that's amazing that 3 years on they're still reading your letter, must have been some letter! In a way, because my theological knowledge is very poor I'm reluctant to go into too much detail in the letter for worry I will be taken to task on my comments. When I'm put on the spot I'm lucky to even remember my own name, let alone stand up to the scrutiny of seasoned SDAs out to bring me back to 'the truth'! I feel strongly impressed that I should write a letter though, so I guess I will pray about it and see what I come up with. Maree  | ||
| Laurie Registered user Username: Laurie Post Number: 139 Registered: 6-2007 |
Yes, write the letter. I wouldn't worry about phone calls or visits. I begged for visits from my pastor and he never talked to me, in person, phone, e-mail. Nothing. It took well over a year for my request to be granted. I had to write 3 letters, copying the conference president and hinting at getting a lawyer if they did not respond. Finally they did, but never did talk to me about it... not a word. It was extremely important for me to get my name off that membership list. Their stall tactics did not deter me. Laurie | ||
| U2bsda Registered user Username: U2bsda Post Number: 533 Registered: 11-2004 |
I think my name is still on the books somewhere. I moved away from my last church while still an SDA and didn't attend an SDA church in my new location so it wasn't a big deal for me to get my name removed. About a year ago I attempted to get my name removed, but was not able to find my membership. It was not at the last church I had asked to have my membership transferred to and it was not at the previous church either. | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 4386 Registered: 3-2004  |
Maree, After you write and send your letter and some one from the church contacts you, you do not have to let them come over. You can nicely say, no thank you. Just my opinion. Diana | ||
| U2bsda Registered user Username: U2bsda Post Number: 535 Registered: 11-2004 |
True Diana, You do not have to meet with anyone. My family called the local SDA pastor at the place where I was living and he called wanting to meet, but I refused. I had some Adventist ladies come to the door a couple times too, but I let my spouse handle them. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6985 Registered: 12-2003 |
Good advice, Diana and U2bsda. You do not have to speak to them in person. Colleen | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 1620 Registered: 9-2006  |
I would just like to remind all who are going through what Maree is going through that you don’t have an obligation to come under fire from a church that was born in rebellion, is still in rebellion the same as the day it was born and has cheated you out of the blessings that God intended for his church and his people from the git go. Right from the day he said it was finished, and poured out his Spirit on the day of Pentecost. They don’t have a right to foster you back into Adventism, it is against sound doctrine, and comes right down to it you don’t have the obligation to listen to it. All you have the right to do is to come under the authority of sound doctrine. You have both a right and an obligation as a blood bought Christian to come under the authority of sound Bible doctrine. You really don’t have an obligation to wish them God speed, we don’t have the right to treat them shabbily and to be mean natured about it but we have the right of polite refusal to listen and if they pursue it to please remove themselves from the front porch. We none of us are in a candy store, we don’t have a right to pick and choose false doctrine over sound doctrine, we have an obligation to Christ, while we do have free will it’s still not good for us to make wrong choices, I have the free will to walk in front of a train, but it may not be good for me, in fact I am pretty well satisfied that it would be downright dangerous. The idea that one must somehow hold discourse with those who have led us wrongly is negative faith and a form of submitting to verbal abuse. On the other side of that we have an obligation to per mote the love of Christ in all that we do; there are times that this balance is most difficult to achieve. We can do this by accepting his rest and by humbling ourselves under his mighty hand. IMHO River | ||
| Susans Registered user Username: Susans Post Number: 515 Registered: 8-2006 |
Maggie, I agree. Write the letter. Say in your own words or use some of the letters written before. Gilbert has a thread with some links to letters. I hope to write mine soon, and have some time coming up in the next few months to work on such. I have not been an "Adventist" really since 1998 but have not formally asked for removal. I have come to be convicted that it's a witness as well. Blessings to you as you decide how to proceed. Susan | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 2207 Registered: 10-2004  |
Amen, River! "You really don’t have an obligation to wish them God speed," Actually, God's Word tells us that we are not even allowed to wish them God speed: "If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: 11For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds." (2 John 1:10-11 KJV.) Jeremy | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6990 Registered: 12-2003 |
Amen from me, too, River! Thank you for stating the truth so clearly--and for your supporting text, Jeremy. I'm realizing how much we all were steeped in the notion that "making people happy" is "godly". It's not. As River said (in different words), godliness is not measured by giving time to those who seek to keep you bound to false doctrine. Godliness is actually submitting to the word of God and to the Lord Jesus. This submission means we place strict boundaries around our minds and hearts and selves to protect us from confusion and falseness. The problem comes when the false doctrines are held and argued by those we know and love. We cannot treat them shabbily, as River also said. But we must refuse to be vulnerable to their clever arguments. We must protect ourselves under the authority of God's word and refuse to submit to their attempts to explain why we need to understand Adventism or stay in it. Thank you, River and Jeremy, for your exhoration which clarifies reality. Colleen | ||
| Mommyk Registered user Username: Mommyk Post Number: 52 Registered: 4-2007  |
Wow...today I really needed to hear what you posted, River...and you too, Colleen. I do need to protect myself ("under the authority of God's Word") from the false doctrine that my extended SDA family keeps arguing with me about. Last week my aunt told me that God would not accept my praises and worship because I'm deliberately disobeying Him by not keeping the Sabbath. What an awful thing to say. It really upset me...not because I thought it was true, but because I could hardly believe that my aunt could say it and actually mean it. *sigh* Kristen | ||
| Larry Registered user Username: Larry Post Number: 251 Registered: 5-2007 |
The pastor and head elder in our area are terrified of wife and me. They scheduled a special meeting at the church for all members to attend, so they could discuss "the letter". We showed up to a locked church, but another lady rattled the doors and someone let her in, but not before we barged in. We were late by 5 minutes on purpose. We wanted the meeting to be already in progress. We took a seat near the rear, to some pretty suprised glances, as we were absolutely not invited, nor did we have a letter of invitation. A friend of ours did get an invitation and notified us. The pastor had no idea who we were, as he had never bothered to contact us. Which really worked in our favor as he stood up front trying to make a liar out of our letter and Paul. Finally, 30 or 40 minutes into his deception the head elder hands him a note. Pastors face utterly falls, he stammers around for a few minutes, then decides that everybody needs to break up into prayer bands of 3 and 4 people. Using holy prayer as a dodge for his nefarious agenda that he could no longer complete, with us watching. Ahh, that was pretty rich, I'd do it all over again! Just the look on his face was worth it. Sorry if I started mid story and didn't get to the finish. I am sure I forgot some details, like my wife getting the roving microphone, cuz the pastor still didn't know who she was!! And the part about her standing up and defending her integrity for around 6 minutes. That meeting went to hell pretty quick after pastor discovered us in the midst! We have a new sign on our ranch gate: B___S 'R' US! Just kidding about the sign! | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 4392 Registered: 3-2004 |
Oh Larry, that is so rich. I would like to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting, especially when your wife had the microphone. What a dilemna the pastor was it. I am glad you two went to that meeting. Our God is so awesome in how He leads us. Diana | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 1625 Registered: 9-2006 |
Larry, That was the best story! Thank you for that, it made my day today. I would have given a 50.00 bill to have been there with you. River | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 1093 Registered: 8-2004  |
Kristen wrote, "It really upset me...not because I thought it was true, but because I could hardly believe that my aunt could say it and actually mean it. *sigh* " Yes, this is the tragedy of the matter. So many are deceived, some in seeming innocence, others by shutting their eyes tightly to keep any little bit of light getting in - fearing the very light that would disclose their darkness and reveal their Savior. Thank God He continues actively seeks and saves! .... I typed the above earlier and forgot to post it. Wow, Larry! What an experience you shared. Sounds like you've got quite the tenacity (and audacity to boot!). Blessings, Mary | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6997 Registered: 12-2003 |
Larry, what a great story! I would also have loved to have watched that event! Colleen | ||
| Maggiethecat Registered user Username: Maggiethecat Post Number: 37 Registered: 7-2007 |
Great story Larry! Good on you for going along. I have started writing my letter and I am now determined that I'm going to send it. I'm a bit of a chicken when it comes to debate or conflict but as some of you said, I can just say no to any attempts to meet with me etc. I guess I'm a bit concerned because my good friend who led me into the church is experiencing quite a bit of grief (for want of a better word) over me leaving. Her mum and sister are on the church board so they will no doubt tell her of the letter as soon as they get wind of it. But at the end of the day I know that it's something I must do. I have NO intention of ever going back to the lies and deceit so I need to make a clean break. As always thank you all so much for your support. Maree | ||
| Lori Registered user Username: Lori Post Number: 76 Registered: 11-1999 |
Larry, what a way to seize the moment!!! | ||
| Maggiethecat Registered user Username: Maggiethecat Post Number: 42 Registered: 7-2007 |
Popped my letter in the mail this afternoon! Maree | ||
| Larry Registered user Username: Larry Post Number: 255 Registered: 5-2007 |
No doubt. We have experienced that our local sda club is as gossipy as they come. Several of the letters (out of around 170 mailed) got returned to us with "Not wanted" or "Not needed" or just plain "return to sender" written on the front. Word gets around very fast. They squeeze their eyes tight shut, refusing to even open an envelope. The biggest gossip in the whole church is one of them that returned her letter without opening it. Several months earlier my wife had called her, offering to "enlighten" the gossip about what was really going on, but the gossip stated that she had heard from this and that persons, and she was in no need of a story from my wife! Can you imagine rejecting the story from the horses own mouth, in favor of what other tongue-waggers are saying? It is staggering how "idiotic" these people can get. Up to 200 people showed up for a secret meeting about the letter, but not one single phone call or visit about it! To this day nobody has dialogued with us about it, much less anything else. Shunning is alive in this sda gathering. No calls or contacts from this so-called "pastor" either! Many in attendance were those we have continually given garden produce to, or given fruit trees and bushes to, whatever they wanted they could have. Right up to the week before that meeting! What does that tell you of the character of the local sda's? I mentioned the front doors were locked, but the blinds and curtains all around the coven were pulled down too. I just found that pretty odd. More like an exclusive medieval coven gathering than a Christian meeting. Gossip, secrecy, and deceit rather than Bible, truth and openness. I am starting to think there is merit to Calvinism and most of adventism is a gathering place for lost souls, with the predestined being called out. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 7014 Registered: 12-2003 |
Yes, Larry, gossip is huge in Adventism. In fact, the ability for men and women to fellowship in small group Bible studies (I'm referring primarily to men's studies and women's studies) is almost unheard-of within Adventism. The transparency and accountability that mark true Christian small groups does not happen in SDA groups...because the Holy Spirit is generally not present. To be sure, some people are seeking, and the Holy Spirit is there teaching and calling them, but because the people in general are steeped in darkness and error, because probably most of them are not born again, the "glue" that holds them together is gossip and curiosity instead of the true unity of the Spirit. It's true, isn't it, that once you know Jesus, you realize that He personally called you to Himself. Colleen |
