| Author |
Message |
Hrobinsonw
Registered user
Username: Hrobinsonw
Post Number: 145
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 4:50 am: |     |
They took her baby shopping the other day. They were gone for like 5 hours. When she got home she was visibly irritated. She told me how her mother and sister began grilling her about why she goes to church on Sunday. And how she could turn her back on the true church. They told her to keep the Commandments. My wife said that her question to them was,"will keeping the sabbath and the commandments get me to heaven?" Before her mother had a chance to say yes, her father chimed in and said no. So then my wife told them, "the only reason that people are SDA because they believe that if they don't keep the commandments and the sabbath that they are not going to heaven. But if not keeping the sabbath is not going to keep me from going to heaven. Then whay am I SDA then? Then she asked, why are you SDA then?" They replied because we were raised that way. My wife told them that they answered their own questions without her having to say much. Later that night her mother called to apologize. But I don't feel like this is the end. They take her away from me to attack her. Soon I will approach them if they do not stop. Or should I initiate it? |
Esther
Registered user
Username: Esther
Post Number: 171
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 5:12 am: | |
Hrobinsonw, I think it's very noble of you to want to defend your wife to her family. What a treasure! I guess if it were me, I'd want to wait, just to see if it would happen again, or if they'll let it alone from now on. Pray about it, God will lead! Your in my prayers. |
Tracey
Registered user
Username: Tracey
Post Number: 258
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 5:14 am: | |
Rob,
You can't unless your wife asks you to. Because to go to them on your wife's asking, gives you leverage that you are protecting her at her request. Otherwise you just look like the enemy and the ultimate goal is to win them to Christ with love, not defensiveness, or anger. You are a young man that will be married to her for the rest of your life and with children, you want to show them that you also can love their grandparents. Plus, D will have to learn to trust the Lord continually for the words to say in these kinds of circumstances b/c the Word says be ready to give a reason as to why you believe as you do (paraphrased) Use all that young man fire, testosterone and love for the Lord to fight them with love which will heap coals on their head. You must be the bigger man b/c Greater is He that is IN YOU, than he that is in the world. You MUST allow Christ to shine through you Rob. Please. (they don't know any better and the weapons of YOUR warfare are NOT carnal -- quarrels, arguing, but mighty through GOD to the pulling down of strongholds.) Let them know you love them and let them know that you pray for them in love too. Love will blow their minds! Only Love will work, Rob. |
Hrobinsonw
Registered user
Username: Hrobinsonw
Post Number: 146
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 5:23 am: | |
Esther and Tracey, that is real talk. I will do as you all advise. My mother and father told me that soon enough they will be brought into my circle and to just be patient. |
Melissa
Registered user
Username: Melissa
Post Number: 797
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 7:07 am: | |
While I enjoyed all the new testimonies posted in the stories section, the one by Michael Lorey has a lot of detail on the sabbath argument particularly that might be beneficial to read (again, since I'm sure you know it by now). I agree with the others in that it does no good to create an adversarial relationship at this early stage. Support your wife and if you feel she is becoming beaten down by the discussions, and if she would like for you to intervene, I think that would be okay, but it will only firm up the idea that you are controlling her if she can't fight the battle from her own conscience. If you get to the point of needing to say something, I would think it would be to reiterate what she has already told them, and not allowing them to "bully" her otherwise.
Hope things are going well with the pregnancy...sounds like you've come a long way..... |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 1689
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 8:23 am: | |
Hrobinsnow, I think it was/is very inconsiderate of your wifes mother and sister to do this to her knowing fullwell she has already experienced some problems with his pregnancy. One would think her own God-given family would want her to stay as calm and as serene as posible. Ask your wife if she wuld like for you to say something. What or in-laws are doing is sure not a good start with a new baby oming in the family. BEWARE! Adventists start taking their children to Cradel Roll the very first Sabbath of the childs life. And, no, I am not exagerrating. |
Chris
Registered user
Username: Chris
Post Number: 719
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 8:55 am: | |
Hrobinsonw, my FIL, MIL, and BIL have all at different times got my wife alone and tried to talk her back into Adventism. It is interesting that they would prefer breaking the unity of a marriage to having my wife attend a non-SDA church. My wife was treated rather badly at each of these sessions and has since decided that she will not see her family without someone else there such as me, a friend, or one of our children. Having observers seems to deter the worst behavior, even if it's just our kids. It's a sad situation, but one that cannot easily be fixed.
Chris |
Lisa_boyldavis
Registered user
Username: Lisa_boyldavis
Post Number: 1
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 9:38 am: | |
Hrobinsonw, I could have written an identical scenario in my family... how amazing how similar the reactions are from family because they are fear based. I talked to our pastor who is a very wise and Godly man and he suggested that because truth is rarely found by argumentation, and the only good reason to discuss beliefs is if the other party is truly seeking truth, that once we've adequately communicated our beliefs, we need to encourage the other party rather than to debate with us, to seek God, to pray, to ask the Spirit to show them the truth. I have done that. It has been very painful for my family as they hate having a boundary set, and they've always been able to badger me in and out of ideas my life long, but I do pray for them and ask God to give them a desire to seek truth rather than spend their energies attempting to get our family back into Adventism. But as I mentioned before, they are driven by the fear that we are lost, so I can hardly blame them for reacting badly.
Lisa
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Belvalew
Registered user
Username: Belvalew
Post Number: 214
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 9:47 am: | |
Hello and welcome to you, Lisa. How wise you are to recognize that your family is driven by fear, and that their love for you is behind that fear. Let your life reflect your joy in the Lord, your joy in the knowledge that your sins are forgiven and that you have eternal life as promised by Jesus.
This will sink in, whether they acknowledge it or not. That has been my experience. My family reacts with horror that I am no longer SDA, but then they notice that my prayer life is stronger than it has ever been, and they can't help but notice my joy in the Lord. It has given them a paradox to deal with. Jesus has been making up for the gap between us.
Share you love, share your joy.
Belva |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 1597
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 9:59 am: | |
Welcome, Lisa! You have come to a safe place, and we're glad you're here. We look forward to hearing more of your story.
You're so right about not being able to argue with Adventists. The paradox, as Belva says, between your confident and peace and relationship with Jesus and their own dogma will be obvious and perplexing to them. God will bring them to places of having to make decisions, too.
Hrob, I agree that your wife has to be able to defend herself to her family from her own convictions. I speak from a wife's persepctive when I say that when I know my husband is 100% behind me and trusts my judgment and trusts my commitment to him, I am very empowered to speak to my own family out of the strength of his support, even if it's unseen to them.
Chris's suggestion that the time might come when she could refuse to be alone with them without a witness or a "presence" of someone who will make them cautious about exposing their irrational side is worth considering. Your wife would have to feel the need for such intervention, but if she does, helping her facilitate that boundary would be something she would be grateful for--if she needs it.
With prayers for you,
Colleen |
Dd
Registered user
Username: Dd
Post Number: 375
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 10:34 am: | |
Rob,
I am thrilled that your wife stood up for her beliefs. It seems to me that she has come a long way from living in bondage to resting in Jesus. It is a testimony of your prayers and love. Tell your sweet wife how proud you are of her that she is willing to take the stand for Jesus. Let her know you will always support her and all she needs to do is ask if she feels she needs you to step in. I fear if you step in (especially if she hasn't asked you to) it will make it more difficult because she may feel a need to "protect" her family.
She is living in an environment where Christ is the center of her home and heart. The more comfortable she is in that setting the easier it is to defend her beliefs. This environment will become even more precious to her when your parents unconditional love is a daily part of her life.
Hang in there, Rob. God is protecting your little family. Keep Him at the center of your home and God will grow you all in His love.
GIVE ME JESUS! |
Hrobinsonw
Registered user
Username: Hrobinsonw
Post Number: 147
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 11:52 am: | |
Chris, thank you. And I told her last night that I was extremely proud of her.
Lisa, welcome and thanks for your input.
Colleen, as always you are a voice of sensitive wisdom.
Tracey, I thank you for your continued support.
Melissa, same for you.
Matter of fact, I cannot type this to everyone, so to all of you Thank you. |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1202
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 5:58 pm: | |
Hrob,
I am so glad to be proved wrong. Thank the Lord for that. I agree with what the others have said.
Lisa, Welcome to FAF. Let us know more about your adventure out of adventism, when you are ready.
Hrob, You and your wife and expected baby are still in my prayers.
God is awesome
Diana |
Lisa_boyldavis
Registered user
Username: Lisa_boyldavis
Post Number: 7
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 16, 2005 - 12:14 pm: | |
Diana,
I posted our story - it's called As for me and My House - of course it's only a tiny picture in the whole, but the most important part of the story is that we were rescued from Adventism and are free, and can raise our children under the good news of the Gospel. Every day is a rest day in Jesus because He packs my burdens around. It's the first year our kids get to play baseball.... that sounds like a small thing, but it's so freeing to get to join the body of Christ not out of rebellion or an attempt at converting them to SDA beliefs, but in Unity because Christ has paid the price for us all.
Lisa |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1209
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 16, 2005 - 6:11 pm: | |
Lisa,
I read your story after I asked my question.
After my name was taken off the church books, my son asked to be baptized SDA. I was still nominal SDA. I let him call the pastor and he was baptized. Now, the good things. He had joined Civil Air Patrol and after he was baptized he still did things with CAP. In fact it was his after school activity. It kept him happily occupied and he learned how to rescue people in all kinds of situations. Something he would not have learned in the SDA church.
I do not remember feeling bad about not being in church on sabbath, when we were learning how to rescue people in various situations. So I can see how freeing it is for you and your kids to have them play baseball. God started taking me out of adventism more than 30 years ago. I must have a hard head and God had to go slow and easy with me.
But I thank Him for it. He is awesome.
Diana |
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