| Author |
Message |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 373
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 8:29 am: |     |
Esther,
I have put you and your brother in my prayer book.
When it gets hard for you remember that God carries you. I have a long story about that. God carried me for a number of years before letting me walk again.
I also understand about a dysfunctional family. All my family members are dysfunctional, but some do not recognize it. I have an eating disorder, I did some bulemic behavior, but thank God he stopped it. I am a compulsive eater. That is why I belong to a 12 step program. God took me to that program and taught me how much my Father loves me. That enabled me to leave the SDA church.
God is more awesome everyday.
Diana |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 788
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:06 am: | |
Esther, Is this Jon's first jail experience? Will he only be in county? Shooting out windows with a bb gun doesn't sound too suvere, unless there were people behind the windows that were in harms way. If it's his first encounter with the law he'll probable get just a few months jail time and then probation. If he was stoned at the time and had possession of any contraband at the time of his arrest then that will be taken into consideration by the judge. Expect him to gain a lot weight while incarcerated, the food is crap and the inmates get almost no exercise. I hope you are in a finincial position to be able to put money on his books. This is very important. It means a lot to the inmates to know their loved ones care enough about them to give them spending money while in jail. In my county the inmates are limited to $30.00 spending per week. Also, call the jail and ask about sending him books. Where my children are incarcerated each inmate is limited to two books per week. The books have to be paperback and they must be wrapped and mailed by the bookstore proprieter. There is a used bookstore just up the street from me and the lady who owns the store only charges $3.00 to mail a package of two books. That $3.00 includes her doing all the labor of packaging them, the postage and her droppng them off at the post office. If Jon is getting interested in spiritual things now just might be the right time to send him books. It can get really boring in jail so he just probably will read whatever you send him. Also, clergy visits don't count as personal visits against the visiting time allowed. My kids are each allowed only one hour of visiting time per week. However, if they wanted a clergy to visit then the clergy visit does not count towards that one hour. The clergy has to show his or her preacher i.d. to do a clergy visit. Most correctional facilties have paid chaplins. He can request a meeting with the chaplin. I hope this helps. I'll keep Jon and his situtation in my prayers. In the meantime though I hope you don't worry too much about it. I'm sure he'll be fine but I do know it is scary. |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 513
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:27 am: | |
Esther, I'll be praying for Jon and also for you. We don't automatically stop carrying the pain of other family members when we become Christ-followers; family dynamics are deeply ingrained. I'm confident that God will use this situation not only to get Jon's attention but also to bring you into a better understanding of the ways in which God is asking you to surrender to him your fear and guilt.
Ask God to help you know what you need to know, to surrender what you need to surrender, and to grow in the ways you need to grow. Pray that He will heal your heart and replace the pain in your deep wounds with His Spirit.
With prayers for both of you,
Colleen |
Esther
Registered user
Username: Esther
Post Number: 41
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 12:00 pm: | |
Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words and prayers. I'm a wreck, as there are so many painful family issues involved, and I hurt so deeply for my brother who has been alone his entire life, and I can't do anything for him this time.
Susan, This is his first offence, though it's a federal felony with sentancing from 5-10 years. He's in the county jail right now, and my grandfather (who's been promising to help him) said "he's not worth the bail) Anyway. Thanks for the prayers again. And I will get to visit him tonight. |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 789
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 1:32 pm: | |
I have a policy that I will not pay bail for my children when they go to jail. My 18 year old son is in county now and my heart really goes out to him because he's really a great kid and he's board to pieces in there and he hates it. Nonetheless, he got put in there because of his own poor choices and now he can think about needing to make better choices when he gets out. Awhile back, when he was only 17 the juvenile court judge told him if he didn't last at the group home he was being placed in then he would be sent to prison until age 21. He lasted 10 days at the grouphome. I stuck him on a plane oneway to Hawaii and told him being homeless and destitute in Hawaii was still better than three squares and a roof. I'm only saying this, not to necesserally encourage anyone to break the law or jump parole/probation but to let you know there are options other than dealing with the authorities. I don't know what state you are in but around here the judges tend to see a person over and over and over before finilly getting to the point of giving a hefty sentence. The probation can be a real bi**h though with having to report frequently. Around here, too, even if there was no drugs or alcohol involved in the crime the judges just routinly mandate NA or AA meetings. Since his crime involved a gun I'm pretty sure he will be ordered to not be in contact with any firearms. That means if he lives with you or whoever he lives with those people will have to remove their firearms from the premisis for the duration of his probation. Also, whoever he lives with gives up their Constinational right to search and seziure. The cops and po's can come mess up your place anytime they choose to do so. And, don't get me started about how much I hate cops. I absoutely hate cops. They are just the dredges of society! It's sure too bad Jon got into this mess. I hope he jumps probation and leaves to another state. Maybe I shouldn't say that as I do not know Jon but that is always what I want my kids to do. My older son is in county looking at least a year in state. My heart and prayers really go out to Jon. I do believe he'll be fine. Be sure to visit as often as you can, put $ on his books and send him books. Make sure to have him consult with an attorney. He's entilted to a public defender. If there were no wittnesses tell him to deny everything. It's just his word against the accuser so he can fight for justice. I hope this helps. I for sure will keep your baby brother in my heart and prayers. |
Cindy
Registered user
Username: Cindy
Post Number: 633
Registered: 7-2000
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 10:47 pm: | |
Esther, Just for a slightly different viewpoint, I know some wonderful--even some Christian--policemen/policewomen; they are not all bad! :-)
Without going into detail, my family has had a number of years' experience with "the law" (police, judges, lawyers, probation officers, jail, court hearings, etc. etc.) In retrospect, we feel that living in honesty... and accepting the consequences of bad behavior... is the best way to live.
Often, trying to escape a situation and not owning up to it only prolongs the pain. It is so easy to blame others for our problems...even our negative attitudes.
We are very grateful to be where we are now; we have learned much about the patience and love of God thru it all!
grace always,
cindy |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 794
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 1:17 pm: | |
My heart is really going out to Jon. I sure hope it goes well for him at court. It's sure too bad he got into this trouble. My older son got sentenced to two years and five days in state prison. I just found this out yesterday. He is 28 and has been in the criminal-justice system since he was 19. It's an in-and-out revolving door with him. He has done a lot worse things than what he did several days ago with getting a lot less time for worse things. However, the parole agents and the judges have told him that their easy going sentencing has come to an end, they are not going to exhibit compassion in sentencing him anymore and he knew that. He was fully aware of what the consequences would be if he got into trouble again. I can't figure addicts out. He was in another state for seven months and did not use drugs that entire time. And, he certanily had the opportunity to use them if he had wanted to. But, then he comes back here to the neighborhood of is roots where he knows every low-life within miles and he gets back to using. So, once again I'll be visiting him in prison, mailing him packages and books and praying that he stays out of trouble while incarcerated. I now know seven people in the county jail. That's my record. Two are my children and all but one of the others are friends of theirs. Cindy, I actually have met several decent people who are police officers. I think they are the exception rather than the rule. My youngest child had gotten into trouble. He was sent to a grouphome. The judge told him if he didn't finish the grouphome program he'd be sent to prison until he turned 21. He lasted 10 days at the grouphome and he ran away. I am so thankful I sent him on a one-way trip to Hawaii. Then after he turned 18 he came home and because he was now an adult the juvenile judge dropped all charges. If I hadn't done the right thing for him he'd still be in CYA, with another 2 1/2 years to go yet. I would like everyone to read the current issue of U.S. New and World Report. It is about the youth prisons. Our system needs some major overhall. In the meantime, I go to our local Libertarian Party meetings and try to convince everyone to vote Liberterian because I just cannot figure out how come our country has to have laws dictating personal behavior. It totally goes against the Constatution. Again, I sure will be praying for Jon. PLease, visit with him every opportuity you can. |
Esther
Registered user
Username: Esther
Post Number: 42
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, August 06, 2004 - 7:36 am: | |
Hi guys! Thanks for the prayers! God worked miracles for us and I was able to get him out wednesday night. He's really had it tough, but we've got him an attorney now. He's all for paying what he owes to society, and taking responsibility for his mistakes. But he's still a kid and is pretty scared. It looks like his sentancing will be minimal, but his fines will be huge.
The hardest part of all this is the family repercussions. Disfunction breeds on disfunction. Reminds me of Ex something, "the sins of the fathers...". If God hadn't reached out for me in college (even within adventism) who knows where I'd be. And I can see Him reaching out for my brother as well.
Anyway. I know what he's dealing with, the heartache he's carrying, and so regardless, I will stand by him no matter what. I think that God can and will use this to bring out Jon's potential...and drive him to his Savior. That is my prayer. And that somehow, through all this, (stuff will hit the fan soon once the rest of the family is brought in, and more plays into it too as they will be realizing shortly that we are no longer SDA) that they will also let go of the legalism of adventism, and have the beautiful discovery of grace that Christ has brought to our lives.
Who knows were God is leading. Thanks again! |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 382
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Friday, August 06, 2004 - 9:03 am: | |
Esther, I will continue to keep you on my prayer list. Your brother and family also.
Boy, do I identify with the dysfunction breeds dysfunction. I could write lots about that. But I do not need to any more as God has taken me out of it. He is so awesome.
Diana |
Dane
Registered user
Username: Dane
Post Number: 21
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Friday, August 06, 2004 - 10:28 am: | |
Esther, I will certainly be praying for your son and for you. Also, I am shocked that shooting out windows with a BB gun would be categorized as a felony.
Dane |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 798
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Friday, August 06, 2004 - 11:26 am: | |
Esther, Maybe Jon can appeal to the judge to give him community service. Have Jon consult with his lawyer about his. I'm glad he's out. He'll be on some sort of probation, I'm sure. That will be the hardest because there are always so any terms and conditions that have to be adheared to. It's good he's out. I hope he can go have a ood time. |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 859
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 17, 2004 - 10:00 pm: | |
Esther, I hope Jon is doing o.k. I have thought about him often. I have a special prayer request. Tomorrow is my sons birthday. I don't know where he is, none of our family knows where he is, not even his wife. However, the Lord knows where he is and that is what really matters. He left two weeks ago on a deployment with the navy. I want him to have a special birthday. I want him to know while he is somewhere with his commrads that we love him and are especially praying for him and his commrads on this special day of is that I wish coud be spent with family. I has been 14 years now since we last got to spend a birthday with this son. Thank-you. |
Esther
Registered user
Username: Esther
Post Number: 48
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 18, 2004 - 5:36 am: | |
Susan, Jon is doing ok right now. His court date is later in Sept. so we're in waiting mode. Thank you for asking!
I will add your son to may prayer list especially tomorrow. I'm sure God will watch over him and make this day a special one  |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 483
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 18, 2004 - 10:24 am: | |
Susan, I will continue to pray for your son on this his birthday.
Esther, I will continue praying for Jon as he waits to go to court.
God is awesome.
Diana |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 588
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 18, 2004 - 11:46 am: | |
Susan, I am also praying for you son today, and I am continuing to pray for Jon.
Colleen |
Jeannette
Registered user
Username: Jeannette
Post Number: 40
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 18, 2004 - 2:01 pm: | |
Susan, is your son able to call you? My son got a phone card and calls once in a while. Of course, every few minutes there is a recording interupting telling us the call is being recorded because the call was placed from a state correctional facility, but at least we hear his voice and know he is ok. You and your boys are constantly in my prayers.
Jeannette |
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