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Message |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 1088
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 9:31 am: |     |
Tdf, yes we did struggle with telling our family. Ultimately, we prayed that God would clarify what we would esay and make it clear when we should say it.
While we had been open about our findings as we studied, we did not reveal to all our family that we had actually decided to leave the church until several months after we physically made the break. (Looking back, we probably postponed telling them too long. The fear of their reaction was real!) We realized that they would learn the truth sooner or later, and they needed to hear it from us, not from rumors.
I agree with you so completely--the Adventist problem always comes back to Ellen White. She is the source of doctrinal and gospel confusion. Without her, all the doctrines begin to look different--even the doctrine about the Bible's inspiration. With Ellen, the inspiration of the Bible involves mistakes; without Ellen, it becomes clear that the Bible is 100% reliable and consistent.
Yes, I'm sure you will ultimately need to tell your family. It's a bit like warning them of a terrorist living on their street they haven't yet identified. God does entrust us with truth AND with the power and wisdom of the Spirit so we can speak for Him.
God knows how and when you will speak. Ask Him to reveal His timing to you, to calm your hearts, to prepare theirs to really hear and understand, and to protect you from their possible indifference or even wrath. What we have found is that it is not easy, and (in our case but thankfully not in all cases!) the family may remain unreconciled for years to come. Yet even in the face of anger, shunning, disrespect, and slander, God will hold your heart in peace, reassuring you of His merciful presence. Your new depth and love for Jesus is like a protective salve that guards your heart and keeps it from breaking.
God also brings people into your lives when those you've loved reject your new faith. While He doesn't replace the lost loved ones, He provides comfort and support and deep understanding from sources you would never have known were there.
God's faithfulness continues to amaze me.
Colleen |
Raven
Registered user
Username: Raven
Post Number: 128
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 9:42 am: | |
In our case, we stayed out of controversial issues and stayed as quiet as possible, until we were ready to actually leave. During the last several months of still being SDA, I was feeling intensely that by staying SDA, and by keeping quiet, I was living a lie. For me, it seemed the two had to go together--speaking up and leaving the SDA church. I felt even more uncomfortable with "living a lie" when my mom brought up an observation, when she didn't even know at the time how close we were to being out the door. She commented that she didn't understand how there could be such differences among SDA's on their beliefs and practices. To her, if you agreed to the church's doctrines and practices through your baptismal vows, then you're obligated to all of it. If not, then in her opinion, you'd best leave it completely.
Even now that we've left, I'm very careful to not talk too freely about friction areas with conservative SDA's. By making my statement and leaving, everyone knows where I stand, and to me, that was enough for now. Hopefully they know I'm open to discussing any open-minded question. Until I've had more practice at interacting with my SDA relatives, I still feel uncomfortable with the idea of discussions. It probably takes time. |
Dd
Registered user
Username: Dd
Post Number: 255
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 9:53 am: | |
Tdf,
Colleen, as always, says it all very beautifully. I am praying for you and your wife along with all of us on this forum. As many of the great Bible characters, we all are losing a great deal in our stand for Jesus. But in the light of His awesome presence in our lives, it is a joy to suffer through the loses. When you look at all those first missionaries in the Bible, they suffered deeply.
One of my favorite terms, I came across this year in my study of Acts, is found in Acts 13:51. Paul and Barnabas were once again subject to public humiliation and thrown out of town (Pisidian Antioch, I think?). They then "shook off the dust of their feet" and moved on to a new town and kept right on sharing the Good News. I think that is too cool.
So, when I open up and speak out to family and friends and then get the cold shoulder response, I remind myself to shake off the dust and move on through Jesus.
Stand strong, my friend. God will reveal what you should say and when! Isn't He great?  |
Tdf
Registered user
Username: Tdf
Post Number: 20
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 11:01 am: | |
Thanks for your input. We've been attending very infrequently and only because we have some remaining responsiblities. In light of a BIG controversy over the nominating committee, we will not hold church offices in 2005 and I suspect that we will rarely attend. Providentially, even before we began questioning, I was employed as the minister of music for a Methodist church. Because we are already "plugged in" there, we have been leaning on our Methodist brothers and sisters. Even so, we sense that they can't begin to understand the journey that we're on (and I'm grateful that they can't understand it). As musicians in the SDA church, we've been under attack for years with regard to the "errant musical expressions" that we've brought to the local SDA church. For now, my family has assumed that our absence has been due to hurt feelings. It's been easier just to let them jump to that conclusion, but I, like Raven, feel like I'm not being honest. We have real reason to believe that my wife's family will cut off all contact with us after we reveal what has been happening with us. Who knows--I could be wrong. However, our relationship with them is already quite strained simply because my wife and I have chosen to eat meat. It's hard to imagine what will happen when they know the whole truth. We've decided not to do anything until we both have peace that the time is right. I appreciate your prayers. |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 1225
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 11:17 am: | |
Once again I am struck by how similiar our experiences and fears are. It's like as if Adentists are clones on one another. It's just amazing to me that we all on here have the very same family and relatives and kinfolf. |
Ric_b
Registered user
Username: Ric_b
Post Number: 105
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 1:06 pm: | |
TDF,
I know I've said it before, but after much indecision Raven and I knew with a certainty that can only come from God when it was the right time. I can only praise God that not only did we come to this point, but arrived there together. I pray that you will know the "right" time and the "right" way to discuss your beliefs.
You are right, too many SDAs really do think that they believe in salvation by grace alone through faith alone. I think that they have heard that is what the believe for so long that they are blinded to the inconsistencies between their own teachings and the simple Gospel of grace. |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 1090
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 1:44 pm: | |
Ric, you're right again. They do think they believe in grace alone by faith alone. They are blind to their own inconsistencies.
Tdf, given what you say about your wife's family, I do agree that it's possible they will cut off contact. Few families, however, can maintain complete isolation forever. Time often works out forms of truces if not restoration. It is indeed very painful and even deeply annoying some days. When the time is right, however, God will protect your hearts, and it will be OK even if there is a schism. It's amazing how God gives us Himself when our earthly ties unravel.
Colleen |
Jeremy
Registered user
Username: Jeremy
Post Number: 189
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 2:00 pm: | |
"Jesus said, 'Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life." (Mark 10:29-30 NASB.)
Jeremy |
Ric_b
Registered user
Username: Ric_b
Post Number: 108
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 2:59 pm: | |
Jeremy,
I know the promise. Yet sometimes hearing that from others when you are struggling with what to say and when and how end up sounding very shallow. We all want to communicate in a way that our lives might be a witness to our families. Maybe not right away, but perhaps over time. Perhaps they might start to see some of the gospel, even if they didn't hear it when we talked. We need to wait on God's timing. It's scary, perhaps especially when kids/grandkids are involved. It isn't a question of not believing Jesus's promise, but rather a need for supportive "family" that can cry with us, pray with us, hold us, and encourage us as we deal with our earthly families. |
Tdf
Registered user
Username: Tdf
Post Number: 21
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 8:52 am: | |
Your words are a comfort--just to hear someone else express exactly what I've been feeling. It's funny--through my ministry I often find myself encouraging others and telling them that I see a big picture that they can't see because they are in a middle of something that naturally has given them tunnel vision. Now, that's exactly what we need to hear--that there is a big picture outside of the little tunnel that we're in right now. I know that we are resting in God's hands and that there could be enormous good that we will be able to see at the end of this chapter, but right now I can't see it. My human nature leads me to feel confused, frustrated, scared and angry. It is comforting to hear that others have felt these same emotions. |
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